The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

[Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Alert alert - New thread title needed soon peeps!

What a lot of updates to read. Hello to the newbies and the returners.

Lana great to see you!

Pip how are you doing now?

Rosa that's just awful.

Phoenix was your username on POF inadvertently an anagram or some reference to anal? . Anyway your OLD persona is yesterday's news - tell me about Mr BBC's lack of tone - was it really an issue?! It wasn't, was it?

Couch I misread that first time and read "going out for reciprocal messages". I had visions of you sitting opposite each other texting...

I'd like to totally myth-bust the alleged holy grail of meeting a man in RL. I've embarked on relationships with men I've met in RL three times. The men I sailed off with were just as flaky, unreliable and unfaithful as the buggers on-line! Getting a good one is luck of the draw helped with some judicious filtering.

So I have been consumed with Mr TaiChi. I was sitting in a meeting today and in my head he's doing unspeakable things to me... do you think I'm over-investing???!!! .

So I threw down the gauntlet and invited him to an event showcasing something we're both really interested in. It requires a real shuffling of things on his part so let's see if he's really in. I think he is but this is an acid test. I'm on a strict communication regime too so I don't have his number in my phone. It's elsewhere but a pain to get to. That's to stop me bombarding him because I could love-bomb him so easily. When he messages me I'll reply then delete the history. That probably sounds so extreme to all of you but it's the only way I can hack it!

Been - maybe something about vintages as our thread title name?

You also reminded me about a conversation I had with a gay friend, who I mentioned my slight questioning about “tone” (as you so elegantly put it). He told me that as we like each other more & more I won’t even notice. But then he said “all the hot guys I’ve dated ended up looking uglier as things go on so maybe this way is better.” Having just gotten off the phone with BBC after (yet another) hour long chat, and after he’s cleared an hour and a half in his diary tomorrow just so we can have lunch, and we’ve just exchanged slightly soppy texts, I have no idea what my problem used to be!

I also hear you on the deleting of numbers & messages. I do that regularly too. In fact I’m quite superstitious about putting someone’s name in my contact list so Mr BBC is currently just a number, which feels weird, but I’m way too scared to jinx it now!

Rosa
"He was out on Saturday with someone very close to me , who he told me had made a pass at him a few days ago.
She is also avoiding my texts and calls. "

This absolutely stinks. I am so sorry.

Been - I admire your self discipline. Next time things heat up with me and a guy I will try and remember some of your tips.

I have never been asked for sex for money, or for "regular massages" :) (there is something wrong with me because a part of me almost thinks that is quite sweet? I know, I know, I'm a fool)

I have never had an unsolicited dick pic although there was one guy that really wanted to send me some amazing photos he was really proud of - he wanted to say I wanted him to first, which I guess was polite, but in the end I got sick of him and blocked him.

(Actually, I have never had a dick pic at all) (Am I going to regret saying that? Is that tempting fate?)

I'm thinking of starting a thread for those taking a break from dating - handholding, self care and general encouragement. Anyone interested?

I think that's a superb idea, Biddy. Although people are probably at their best - and most calm - when they are actually on a break!

Love the dick pick, by the way

Dieu so true :D Also a space for hand holding when we really think we will never find anyone. I've been reading loads of baggage reclaim and trying to figure out hold I get in a better head space for dating. Like I'm positive but I don't seem to keep strong boundaries... Anyway... will start a thread.

Here you go:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3074466-The-Taking-a-Break-from-Dating-Support-Thread?watched=1&msgid=73023976#73023976

Thanks, Smeaton!

Well, I am glad to be wrong for once.

My long-distance iron re-appeared yesterday evening with apologies for going AWOL. The timing was very unfortunate but I had put 2 and 2 together and got about a million.

He has reassured me that all is ok and I believe him. I am seeing him again next weekend, which can't come soon enough.

To be honest I probably over-reacted because I have had such a run of bad luck with people disappearing that I was a bit hyper-sensitive.
He wasn't to know that, especially as he is not on the dating scene and has been single for years.

Phew. Thank you everyone for holding my hand while I was doing my nut y'day. And fingers crossed.

Great news Ruby Hope it pans out well.

Glad to hear that Ruby, did he give a reason for going awol?

Smeaton