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Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

(1000 Posts)
InfoSec21 Wed 22-Mar-17 17:44:55

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.

InfoSec21 Wed 22-Mar-17 17:45:45

Couldn't see another one already so I did the deed.

letsbrowse01 Wed 22-Mar-17 18:38:37

Thanks info

Next query - today I downloaded Bumble - thinking ah lets look at / try a different site/app .. but it asked for fb inforation .. so I then deleted it ...

Any particular sites / apps you guys recommend , that don't 'link' to or ask for info for fb or similar ?!


SpringtimeSun Wed 22-Mar-17 18:45:47

Even those that ask for Facebook info they don't use it or display your Tindering/Bumble preferences on your Facebook profile.

Plentyoffishnets Wed 22-Mar-17 18:52:37

Hi all, marking my place. Its getting hard to keep up with everyone but will try better in this thread!
Have 3rd date with Mr pizza. Meeting in a pub again. He is very easy to speak to and we get on well so that's fine. Still need to figure out if he's interested in a relationship (we met through tinder so it worries me soneone may assume its just for He seems interested in getting to know me but I am quite jaded from last future faker who lost interest after sex. Aargh!

RunnnyMummy Wed 22-Mar-17 19:01:52

I set up a fake Facebook account to use for tinder/bumble.

HalfInLoveWithElizabeth Wed 22-Mar-17 19:51:46

Hello everyone - just checking in really. Unbalanced communication (without a clear explanation) is just a deal breaker for me. I'm chatty and communicative, I need someone the same. OTOH I don't always go in for explaining breaks in communication of a few hours - OLD doesn't own me :-)

InfoSec21 Wed 22-Mar-17 20:17:27

I always subscribe to the idea that people do what they want to do AND my golden rule from before that says you have to work with the information you have, nothing else.

If you like someone, you're eager and happy to message them. You find time to do so because you want to do it. If you're not so keen on someone, you message much less and very unlikely to instigate. This works both ways.

That's just the way I see it after spending too much time second guessing people before. If they ain't messaging, they ain't interested. Bin.

I'm still getting loads of views and still getting messages. It's fantastic, I could almost cry. All that time I was thinking I was horrible and it just hadn't been working properly.

It's not that I've got any good irons bubbling yet, it's the feeling that something good could happen at any moment.

I am getting a few messages of the confidence booster type which is really nice. One lass said 'are you sure you live around here, I haven't seen you around lol'. It sounded like she was saying I'd have noticed you kinda thing.

The search continues...

Bluegirl25 Wed 22-Mar-17 20:55:04

Thought it had gone quiet on the old thread and just discovered this.

Dieu Wed 22-Mar-17 20:56:31

Info I couldn't be happier for you ... and I know what you mean about feeling that something good could happen. I too live in hope and refuse to give up!

stubbornstains Wed 22-Mar-17 21:03:13

Hello peoples smile

Just place marking really.....

Mr Anarchist (who I've been seeing for under 2 months) has his parents down this weekend. Apparently they're all having a lovely meal at the local golf club with some old friends of his parents on Saturday, got wind of the fact that he's seeing someone and have invited me along........

I impolitely declined grin

(sorry Mr A, I know that you would have loved a partner in adversity, but that's a step too far.)

fortunacookie Wed 22-Mar-17 21:48:42

Place marking...don't you want to go stubborn?

Your right info about lack of communication signalling lack of interest. I just dumped a guy I been seeing since November but in that time only managed four dates with me n hardly ever texted because I told him straight he wasn't that into me. Said he liked me but wasn't ready for anything serious..

Yeah yeah hmm

Dieu Wed 22-Mar-17 21:57:07

I'd be interested to know what a lack of communication/texting means to you all. I'm not sure what the norm is, you see.

stubbornstains Wed 22-Mar-17 22:04:05

Dunno, but my post above is proof that someone can be capable of not getting in touch for a day or 2 (I also do this, though) and still invite you down to the golf club to meet their parents. And their parents' mates grin shockhmm.

fortunacookie Wed 22-Mar-17 22:10:56

Dieu just checking in once a day cos I'm in his thoughts? Just my expectation if you do like someone n not much to ask I don't think

Bant Wed 22-Mar-17 22:23:12

For me, I'd like someone to check in every day.

It depends on where you are in a relationship though, if you're still at the stage of trying to find out everything about each other, then chatting a fair bit most days makes sense, but also being aware of the fact people have busy lives.

OutToGetYou Wed 22-Mar-17 22:44:37

I am OK with a text or two a day once you get to texting stage. On the site, chat while watching TV (like, now) is good.

But once in a relationship.....I feel no need to be in daily contact really. Every couple of days is fine. I'm not a big texter, don't have whatsapp or snaptwat, no instatweet, hate fb messenger (though do use it). No iphone so no whatever that uses. Etc.

OutToGetYou Wed 22-Mar-17 23:09:01

Anyway, MrCar and I have planned a date for Sat week. I mentioned being anti-Brexit and got away with it, so we're on track so far.

pringlecat Wed 22-Mar-17 23:09:55

As has been said above, how often you need to text depends on how secure you are in the relationship. In a long-term relationship, I could go comfortably a week without talking to a partner (e.g. if he was on business/holiday somewhere unreachable and I trusted him to be faithful because it was a long-term relationship). In a short-term dating type situation, I'd want regular contact. People. We're always more needy at the start.

So, Beardy and I have been talking some more. He's dropped the bombshell that he would be prepared to set aside those Very Big Differences for the right woman. Which I wasn't expecting. The problem is, he has another iron and he likes us both. He's torn. I'm torn. I wonder what she's thinking?

I'm open to seeing him again as a friend or as a potential GF. I'm trying not to be emotionally invested (I feel like I'm doing well, other than the fact I am ridiculously attracted to him and can't stop thinking about him - OK, maybe well is the wrong word for it) and have put the ball in his court.

I think all men in London date lots of women at the same time. He's just the only one to have been honest about it. I just can't get angry or upset, because I've had a few casual dates at the same time before myself - and you're all doing it too! This is the new normal.

Not emotionally invested and rationally still don't think we make sense in the long-term because of those Very Big Differences I don't think he can just put aside, but I secretly hope he picks me. We had a short chat and I think we may be very compatible on the MB front. Damn, it's been so long since MB. So long.

pringlecat Wed 22-Mar-17 23:13:06

Oh, crapsticks. I'm emotionally invested after all, aren't I?

Allthembuckets Wed 22-Mar-17 23:13:15

Info that's great! I know how that feels.

I always reply to messages if I can and say if I'm going to sleep but I think that's particular to me and not expected behaviour. So I might be internally annoyed by a lack of response (if you can see its been read lime in WhatsApp) but it could be caused by work etc so my expectations might be too high IYSWIM? I can check my phone and reply to messages while working but also not if I'm really busy!

The POF app is only on a phone that stays at home so no access during the work day, but I wouldn't expect that of someone else. Maybe 2/3 days for POF and 1/2 for WhatsApp.

Allthembuckets Wed 22-Mar-17 23:16:11

pringlecat it sounds like you are sad was the Very Big Difference RE having children?

InfoSec21 Wed 22-Mar-17 23:16:32

If someone told me she had another guy on the go and couldn't choose between us both, I'd help her out real easy with that!

I appreciate you like him a lot though smile

pringlecat Wed 22-Mar-17 23:29:36

Allthembuckets Yup. That's why I thought anything other than friendship was definitely off the cards. I still just don't think it's something you can change your mind about.

InfoSec21 I know, but we're very much on the same wavelength and I can totally see his dilemma. He's only had a few dates with both of us, it's not as if he's been stringing us along for months. And he's been honest about it, which is rare. I could very easily be in the same position. I once had a date in the morning and another with another guy in the evening. Glass houses and all that...

InfoSec21 Thu 23-Mar-17 00:16:05

I totally get your point and it is super rare for someone to be that honest. Thing is, I find that a little out of order, that's just me personally.

I know I could find myself in that position without ever knowing it, but if someone said I can't choose between you and him, I'd deffo say take him, I'm out. I want someone to really want me, not sit there deciding whether it's me or someone else and actually tell me that!

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