Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I was on holiday last week with a girlfriend (think lying in the sun reading books and gorging on lovely food & cocktails)...

Anyway, before I'd gone away I'd been on 3 dates with Mr cyclist. I fancied him like mad, but wasn't sure if there was any emotional connection beyond that. We had DTD and all was more than OK in that department.

I was also messaging another guy (started messaging him first actually but his home life had been complicated so we hadn't met up yet) and we'd agreed to meet tonight after I got home.

The whole time I was away I was bombarded with messages from both of them which got a bit annoying tbh... Especially Mr Cyclist who I find a bit intense in his messaging style "I miss you" "can't wait to see you again" "It's freezing here will you cuddle me when you get home"

I decided he wasn't for me so messaged him on the morning of my last day to say I just didn't feel I was as emotionally available as he wanted and it wouldn't be fair to carry things on...it was a nice message, my friend agreed it was..So after all those OTT messages, he's now deleted me, unfriended me on fb, and I've had no response at all..... I don't particularly want to get into a conversation, but surely it'd be good manners to at least acknowledge my message?? I know I would have if the situation was reversed.

Anyway on Tuesday night after loads of messages backwards & forwards about meeting on Friday, man No. 2 has gone into radio silence since I came home!!! I messaged last night to say that I actually didn't think it was a good idea if we met up (I acknowledged he may have changed his mind anyway), as I didn'tfeel thre was any enthusiasm for the date on his part. I just got a "it's up to you" reply...WTF???

Were they both just hoping for a bikini shot from my hols? (which wouldn't have been anything like they were expecting!) How can they both go from 100 - 0 in such a short space of time.

I am continually baffled!

Allthembuckets

I would happily never give anyone my phone number, I hate talking on the phone. Add to the fact I have no signal where I live anyway. But I guess it's useful for texting or, this thing my phone has that I can't recall the name of that is like text but on the wifi, that works at home.

I am starting to dislike the POF messaging once you're 'chatting', it's not very immediate and you have to keep refreshing and it doesn't help with spontaneity (or the dreaded 'banter').

So, I guess for me, 2 weeks for phone no but that would only be to text to arrange date, so 2 weeks for meeting up too.

JellyBean31 - there are no manners in dating. :)

Hi all, so just after a quick straw pole ... Been seeing mrchef a while, 7 dates I think. Went on POF last week to hid my profile, hadnt been active on the site for a while, but fed up with getting messages .... You can guess what's coming ... Mr chef was online ... Felt annoyed, but we haven't had the relationship chat so is this ok? Since then everytime I've checked he's online again, see it is doing my head in! I thought after dating a couple of months, it would be natural to not be looking still. What are your thoughts? it has kinda put me off wanting a relationship with him.

Still no word from Mr Planes WhatsApp says he hasn't been online since early yesterday morning, when we chatted briefly and he was just heading home from night shift.

He was working again last night and usually messages me in the evening, but he didn't, although he knew it was going to be busy.

He's likely sleeping now but I can't shake the thought that there would have been chance for just a quick message somewhere in the last 2 days! Grrrrr

I sent the last 2 messages so am reluctant to send more, but then I don't want to be a drama queen if he's just busy.

We're meant to be meeting up tomorrow night. I suppose I'll wait and see if he messages me tonight...

once he sounds similar to Mr mod, I don't see how hard it is to send a text, however tired or bust they are (it only takes a minute). I think if someone's that into you then they will put in the effort.

Lots of not so good posts on here today, people being treated badly, people vanishing and cutting contact after what seemed like a good date. I hope one of us has a good date soon, anyone going on a date this weekend?

Well, MM has popped up again, having been quiet for a day or so. Asking if I'm alive, which is a bit rich, given her reading my messages then not replying for a day.

I'm going to have to tell her that the second date is off. She's over an hour away, I'll just tell her that I've reconsidered things because of the distance. That's not offensive, is it?

I'd raised doubts about the distance early on, but she thought it wasn't a problem.

I'd be inclined towards honesty. That you like her and enjoyed your date, but that the inconsistency of contact afterwards has left you feeling a bit unsure and confused.

I agree with Dieu, Bant; nothing to lose by being honest.

Yes, agreed. I'd tell her i didn't think she seemed interested. At that point she'll either bail anyway or hopefully sort it out better.

No reply from AScary. I'm kinda glad.

Yeah lovemusic that was like mr joiner too whom I've just dumped. Just couldn't manage that one text a day out of his oh-so-busy-life

We are the prize ladies !!

bant - I also agree with the others above - nothing to loose by being honest .

I've purposely not planned any dates this weekend however have two next weekend

I have a 'kind of date' Sunday with Mr Nice, just going out as friends, nothing to lose and gives me something to do on my child free day. He has suggested the cinema but not sure if he would agree with my film choice (I'm desperate to see beauty and the beast).

So I was trying to ignore Mr mod by not opening his messages on messenger, went to get out of my car earlier, chucked my phone in my pocket and accedently called him on messenger (and this opened the messages) he happened to be online even though he was supposedly busy at work, apparently he was on his break and checking Fb but obviously didn't have time to message me, he's been online again since and hasn't sent any more messages.

Mr 'still living with his wife' is being a pain today as I won't make time to see him, says he has strong feelings for me but I think this is rubbish. Not attracted to him so it's a non starter but I feel bad as he is someone I have known for years.

Going to sign back up to POF just for a couple of days to see if there's anyone new and local.

Well, to be honest, nothing to gain by being honest either, you don't owe her the opportunity to improve her behaviour.

I'd go with something she can't challenge, like the distance. If you go with the flaky behaviour she'll just come up with a load of excuses or blame you (ime).

Shame people behave so badly, I think it's the nature of OLD to be honest (hate that L in there, 'online' is one word, but I guess if they can do it with inheritance tax....).

OutToGetYou It's WhatsApp. I've got 2 mobiles, 1 stays at home, get work emails on it and that's the one I set up the POF app on. It started as I wouldn't be available all the time for work (I work too much as it is) but put POF app on it for the same reason. And no alcohol fused using! My judgement is terrible as it is.
I am unfortunately used to phone calls for work and conference calls happen regularly; I much prefer IM!

It seems like everyone is having problems with unreliable people, I can't say it's limited to dating either, it's frustrating having to repeatedly ask a question to get an answer (work and my ex )

I would take a lack of messaging as a negative indication, if they were that bothered, they would say so but I'm bad at following that advice myself.

Ah well. I sent MM a message to start a conversation, as I hadn't replied to her message from earlier today (hadn't actually been on whatsapp, I was at work and then picked up the kids straight after)

And she was online when I sent the message, and didn't read it in the last half an hour.

So. Buggrit. I'm done. No need to bother explaining things when she's not bothering to read my messages.

Shame though. It was a very good first date.

The distance played a big part in it though. Her flakiness counted against her, the distance moreso. If she'd lived closer I could have arranged to see her again more easily. But a 3 hour round trip, that can't happen without a bit of planning...

Started so positive Bant, shame it's fizzled but if it wasn't right, it wasn't right. Spending your life on the road a lot might have started to become a bit of a chore too.

I am looking for some advice.

I am getting loads of views but hardly any messages. I know women don't often message first but if they're viewing, what's the point without messaging?

One of the little snippets in my profile is about being able to the Rubik's Cube.

Would it be negative/bad form to add a bit at the end of my profile to say something like?

Getting loads of views but very few messages. Come on, it's the Rubik's Cube isn't it? ;)

It might nudge someone who might want to message but wouldn't have, into messaging? Thinking the jokey element takes the potential feeling sorry for himself loser edge off it?

Bant Sorry to hear that. I do still wonder if the flakiness is actual flakiness or fear/self-preservation. I mean, you had such a wonderful first extended date, it was a lot to live up to. Understand you giving up though, you seem to have given her a few chances already.

Lovemusic33 I wouldn't take that as a sign of anything on Mr Mod's part. He could have been on FB really briefly and/or just not had enough time during the day. Mr 'still living with his wife' does sound like a non-starter - he's in a difficult situation, so you have to really want it to work and you don't sound taken by him at all.

letsbrowse01 Best of luck for next weekend.

fortunacookie One of our best rules. We are the prize!

InfoSec21 Still nothing from AScary?

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach WhatsApp is the devil. You can just sit there looking at the ticks and watch your life sail past. Hope tomorrow night goes well.

Wingletang1 You have to have the conversation with Mr Chef. Entirely possible he was checking on you! You never know. You should have a talk, especially as it's bothering you.

OutToGetYou I wish more people spoke on the phone. A certain kind of voice is very attractive to me.

JellyBean31 Sounds like Mr Cyclist was far more into you than him and he's just retreated because he's hurt. Continually baffled is normal.

Mumfun Have a great weekend 'off'.

Allthembuckets

Not for me it isn't - I installed Whatsapp a year or so ago but have never been able to get it to work (or I just don't understand it, and no-one I know uses it anyway). The thing I'm talking about is whatever Android uses instead of imessage.

I have two phones, mine and the work one, but I have them both with me all the time. I never use the work one for anything except work. I've not installed the POF app on my phone and do not intend to either - happy just using it via the browser (same with Facebook and Mumsnet). I don't log into POF during the work day.

Bant - you encountered the female playa!

InfoSec21 I rarely message first, mainly because I get fewer responses. What has worked in the past is the guy writing on his profile something along the lines of him finding it attractive when the woman messages first. It gives reassurance that you're not one of those guys who has to be all macho and message first or lose interest.

Info - no, breaks your 'nothing negative' rule!

Message them - say "saw you peeking, fancy a chat? I see you like xxxx, I like that except I do blah as well"

I'm not doing great.

I miss Beardy like mad. My stomach is in knots. I can almost picture a parallel universe in my head where we're together and insanely happy.

I can't contact him as he's clearly blocked me on WA (I understand why, it removes the temptation on his side) and even if I could, he was quite clear about feeling overwhelmed. Messaging him would add to that pressure even if I could.

All I can do is hope that he'll figure things out and contact me when he's ready. Except, I don't think he will.

It takes a lot for me to have a physical connection with someone. Yesterday was the only time I've felt a physical and emotional connection with an OLD. I am trying not to feel despondent, but I know we could work so well together. So well.

Trying to stay strong, but not quite sure how to shake myself out of this. Am going away this weekend (which Beardy knows) so we'll see.

Aw pringlecat

I don't know how anyone manages to follow rule 3. I really don't.

I do it by generally being a cold-hearted bitch. :)

I'm heading towards my fifth date with the first guy I met from Tinder. I really like him. We message every day and he's just great. Thing is I can only meet him about once a week and he's invited me for a drink tomorrow with a couple of his friends. I'd like to meet his friends but I'd rather have him to myself.

Is meeting friends some kind of milestone? We're exclusive now and have deleted all dating apps.