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Dating: should the man pay?

(361 Posts)
PutneyPandora Wed 18-Jan-17 18:29:13

I've been out of the dating game for a while but wondered in the very early stages of dating should you let the man pay for drinks and dinner, go Dutch or offer to pay something towards the bill?
I don't want to come across as a cheapskate but equally don't want to come across like I expect him to pay.
Male or female opinions welcome!

isseywithcats Wed 18-Jan-17 18:40:13

first date arrange a coffee meet and offer to pay for your own coffee or tea, if it progresses to a meal afterwards offer to pay for your own meal some guys will accept some guys will insist on paying for the meal, if they pay for the meal you pay for the 1st drink to go with the meal thats what i always did when i was single

rumred Wed 18-Jan-17 18:47:46

I am always amazed that women expect equality but men to pay? Is it only me who sees the hypocrisy?

NotAMamaYet Wed 18-Jan-17 18:48:27

Definitely go Dutch. No question about it IMO

MadHattersWineParty Wed 18-Jan-17 18:50:45

You earn, he earns, you split the bill- it's a no-brainier surely!

If it progresses it's nice to 'treat' eachother now and then, but only if you both take turns at it.

jeaux90 Wed 18-Jan-17 18:51:30

Definitely split!

MsStricty Wed 18-Jan-17 18:51:31

Please pay your half.

iremembericod Wed 18-Jan-17 18:54:45

why would you even consider that a man had to pay for you?

Newbrummie Wed 18-Jan-17 18:55:39

They pay. The only man who has ever asked me to "go Dutch" was my ex husband .... signs were there from day one

iremembericod Wed 18-Jan-17 18:56:08

Unless your dating site of choice is

WTAF2016 Wed 18-Jan-17 18:57:53

Why on earth would 2 people not split the bill down the middle?

MadHattersWineParty Wed 18-Jan-17 18:58:31

yes, if it's an entirely different kind of 'date', they pay....

Chloe84 Wed 18-Jan-17 18:59:14

I don't want to come across as a cheapskate but equally don't want to come across like I expect him to pay.

Aren't these two points the same thing?

Definitely always offer to pay half. You could make this easier by having right amount of cash (I try to have tenners and fivers) so there is no faffing with credit cards or change.

If he does pay, tell him you'll get the next one. And mean it.

Having said that, despite all my best efforts, DH wouldn't let me pay a penny. Now that we're married he likes me to pay sometimes, even though it's from the joint account.

ImperialBlether Wed 18-Jan-17 19:03:55

This thread comes up every few months and always ends badly.

HorridHenryrule Wed 18-Jan-17 19:06:14

You should always offer to pay for your own food. You don't want him to think that you're too expensive for his wallet. Men know and understand that women want equality. You have to show that you are strong and can take care of yourself. Especially at a time like this when we are moving towards a hard Brexit.

AyeAmarok Wed 18-Jan-17 19:11:08

You pay half, especially in early dating.

If you really like him and he insists, like actually insists, then you make sure you pay for all of the second date if there is one.

Primadonnagirl Wed 18-Jan-17 19:11:50

Horrid I've had a lousy day but your responses made me laugh and cheered me up! I'm going to be chuckling all evening!

Primadonnagirl Wed 18-Jan-17 19:14:52

In fact that bit about a hard Brexit is going to be my standard response now to silly questions. Bit like " Don't you know there's a war on?!"

OP - Pay up no question and no pathetic " offer" either. Don't be a meanie ( also one of my catchphrases)

egginacup Wed 18-Jan-17 19:15:51

Always take your turn buying rounds and always offer to pay half. However, if he insists on paying and you like him, accept graciously and say you'll get the next one.

Butterfly2020 Wed 18-Jan-17 19:17:45

I would always offer to pay...

But I wouldn't end up being that into him if he didn't offer to pay for me at least.

I like a gentleman, I'm very old school in a lot of ways though.

My current partner paid for everything on our first date, he asked me prior to our date if I minded that he paid for it all...and well, I didn't.

He wanted to court me, so I let him court me.

yep I did say I am old school

hugoagogo Wed 18-Jan-17 19:17:58

Is this a joke? I don't get it?

TheNaze73 Wed 18-Jan-17 19:21:48

Horrid is absolutely right.

Hard Brexit is the game changer here

UnicornButtplug Wed 18-Jan-17 19:21:49

You pay your half. If he absolutely insists then you buy the drinks or pay for the second date.

Both earning a wage, both have bills to pay......

Mysterycat23 Wed 18-Jan-17 19:22:51

I'm going to go against the grain here. Early in dating the man should pay. Not because he's buying the woman's company or some patriarchal dominance, but just because it's what a gentleman does, spends his hard earned cash on a woman he has romantic feelings for. It's symbolic of his affection that he just wants to treat you and buy you nice things. A man who wants to split the bill early on in dating is a massive red flag!

If you feel guilty about him paying or think he can't afford it then just make sure you suggest cheaper places to eat out or order the less expensive items on the menu - obv don't mention you're worried about his finances! By suggesting cheaper date venues you show respect for him.

All being well there will be plenty of opprtunities to split the bill later on in the relationship.

Butterfly2020 Wed 18-Jan-17 19:26:23

I'm completely agree -*mysterycat*23

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