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The ignoring.....not so gaaaaa (part 2)

(786 Posts)
FV45 Thu 06-Oct-16 07:25:03

So ex finally left the home yesterday.
Slept ok and atmosphere in home is much lighter.

Residency issues are ongoing. As it stands I don't know what's happening at the weekend.

I am collecting DS2 from after school club and taking him to school tomorrow. Ex collecting from school. Ex won't discuss timings for me to collect DS2 from him on Saturday morning. Suspect he plans to drop him here at his convenience.

Am seeing sol and going to meditation MIAM soon with view to court so not sure what I can do until then, aside from log everything.

TheMshipIsBack Thu 06-Oct-16 07:50:05

Glad to hear you slept. I'm really hoping this is the beginning of improved health for you. I'm sorry I know nothing about family court and can't offer any insight. Good luck with the solicitor and mediation. You come across as reasonable and with your sons' interests at heart. That's got to count for something when set against the absolute twattery of your ex.

ChuckBiscuits Thu 06-Oct-16 07:57:00

Suspect he plans to drop him here at his convenience

'Oh dear, were you outside for half an hour? Why didn't you let me know what time and I'd have been in?'

He can't hold you to ransom...

Normandy Thu 06-Oct-16 09:37:35

I am so glad to hear he has finally left, though I know there is still a lot to deal with. Chin up, you're a strong woman!

Iamdobby63 Thu 06-Oct-16 09:37:38

Glad you slept ok.

Why don't you email him and say you will pick DS2 up at 11am (or whatever) unless you hear back any differently. If he just says 'nah I will drop him' then say it's only reasonable to give you a time, not 'I need' etc.

Can't believe you have to spend more money just because he can't act reasonably in the best interests of DS2.

FV45 Thu 06-Oct-16 09:54:37

He's demanding house stuff be left outside at 11am. He has no right to it now as court order date passed.
But he can have it in exchange for keys and leaving me alone.

Trying to find someone to be here with me. A man with a pitch fork

Iamdobby63 Thu 06-Oct-16 09:57:15

Reply, the court order date has passed, however in the interests of being REASONABLE - here you go.

Iamdobby63 Thu 06-Oct-16 09:58:53

Doesn't sound like he is going to just let himself in but I do think you should get the locks changed if you can afford it.

Just out of interest what house stuff does he want?

FV45 Thu 06-Oct-16 10:19:06

Before I backed down I did tell him he'd have to go to court. He then threatened to do so and get 1/2 everything. A red herring I'm sure but spoke to friend and she said just give it to him.
It's 2 chairs and a heater. And other stuff that he's welcome to.

Mate coming to do locks tomorrow. Would really like to do it that way rather than emergency locksmith.

Ouriana Thu 06-Oct-16 10:33:00

I think the problem you have is you keep trying to be reasonable yet he is an utter fuckwit.

You cant argue with stupid.
I would suggest he collects his things at 11am (or whatever time suits you) saturday when he drops your DS off, that way you know when you will have your son home.

Tell him you are busy today, it is the only time that works for you.

Lock the doors, leave the key in so he can not get in and if he does, ring the police. It is your home, he has no right to walk in.

Iamdobby63 Thu 06-Oct-16 10:47:36

What you don't want is him to keep repeatedly wanting odd bits. So should he do that then just call his bluff on taking you to court. He is such an arse, you asked over and over what he wanted.

Did you ask for your socks back? (Gosh that seems like a lifetime ago)

Glad you've got locks covered.

It is shit you have to be reasonable when he is so unreasonable but it could be beneficial to you in the long run.

FV45 Thu 06-Oct-16 11:31:50

Problem is that it I TELL him how it is he just ignores.
Also I guess I am still so used to keeping the peace.

11am he said. Still not here.

Ouriana Thu 06-Oct-16 11:45:20

Do not wait for him.

As long as he has control over you he will keep using it.
He wanted the stuff at 11, he isnt there. So dump it on the street, lock the doors and pretend to be out. Now is the time you need to put your foot down with him!

It may be an idea to block his phone number and only have contact through email, that way he cannot invade your home or your phone and gives you more space.

FV45 Thu 06-Oct-16 11:55:18

I want my keys back so need to see him.
He has no internet access (computer or smart phone) so mobile only way to contact.

Iamdobby63 Thu 06-Oct-16 11:57:40

Are the items outside?

He will ignore and he will continue to play silly buggers. All you can do is try to step around him and be preemptive, tell him what time you are picking DS2 up, he will probably think of a way to piss off but at least you are not waiting for an answer that is being ignored.

NettleTea Thu 06-Oct-16 12:00:10

I followed your previous thread (binge read in one go) and so glad he is finally out.

I remember my solicitor and counsellor both told me the same thing re my ex messing about with contact times, etc - and that was to always wait about 10 mins (if someone knows they are running late that gives them a reasonable chance to turn up, and later than 10 mins requires a text message) and then have something else arranged so that you go out and leave the house. No waiting around for them, and no making it easy for them. Make their piss taking inconvenience them far more than it does you.
They both advised to be open and honest, but without slagging off, to my daughter. Dont pretend he isnt coming to cover the times he cant be arsed to turn up. Just light and 'oh dear, doesnt look like he is coming today, lets go and do something fun ourselves.'. No bigging him up. no running him down. factual and without emotion. Yes its sad, yes, its a shame, yes, I understand it hurts. Be the constant, be the reliable one, the safe one. As mothers there is often the tendency to try to maintain the relationship, to create the relationship between the child and the other parent, but its not our responsibility to chase around to ensure it happens.
In regards his stuff - would it be safe outside? If so then thats an option. If not just go out. He didnt come at the time he arranged, he needs to understand that you are not waiting around for him. Wasted journey? His fault. he should have come when he said or let you know.

Iamdobby63 Thu 06-Oct-16 12:01:50

If you are changing locks do you have to have keys back? i suspect he will mess around.

Iamdobby63 Thu 06-Oct-16 17:09:58

Did he turn up? Hope all is calm.

LadyintheRadiator Thu 06-Oct-16 17:17:57

Hope you're okay FV. Can you change the locks?

FV45 Thu 06-Oct-16 17:18:38

He did and he's under the patio in a million pieces. Don't tell.

I'm ok. I didn't do jobs, I ran, farted around on Internet, had MIL over for coffee and cooked a chicken curry.

He left keys and took what we agreed, but does still need to return DS2's blankie which my late Mum knitted him. That's not leaving this house.

Iamdobby63 Thu 06-Oct-16 17:26:23

Lol. I knew you would snap eventually.

Was he ok? (With you I mean, don't give a damn about his general wellbeing)

Why has blankie left the house? Please tell me he didn't take it.

backwardpossom Thu 06-Oct-16 20:55:07

Aha, found you. I am so glad he has gone. Still pissing you about as usual though, I see. Dickhead.

Left Thu 06-Oct-16 21:01:44

Ah so glad to see exp has gone after following your last thread... hope you're happy in your new reclaimed home!

RandomMess Thu 06-Oct-16 21:13:39

wine to calmness in your home

DollyTwat Fri 07-Oct-16 00:14:28

FV
He's GONE!

Celebrate this bit. It's worthy of a big celebration. Ok he's going to be a pain about contact, you might have to accept that and make it as bearable as you can, but, you don't have to live with him!

Thus will change your life immeasurably- and you will have the strength to deal with the rest of his fuckwittery because he's not there

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