The ignoring.....not so gaaaaa (part 2)

[FV45]

So ex finally left the home yesterday.
Slept ok and atmosphere in home is much lighter.

Residency issues are ongoing. As it stands I don't know what's happening at the weekend.

I am collecting DS2 from after school club and taking him to school tomorrow. Ex collecting from school. Ex won't discuss timings for me to collect DS2 from him on Saturday morning. Suspect he plans to drop him here at his convenience.

Am seeing sol and going to meditation MIAM soon with view to court so not sure what I can do until then, aside from log everything.

I'm so glad to see that you came back to update us, and that he's GONE! You're already sounding more positive. KOKO.

If I knew where you were I'd send you a big box of brand new socks. You'll have to have some of these instead

Yeah progress of sorts to you.

I don't think you'll be able to offer flexibility as he'll just abuse it and after all if he cancels on DS2 it means you get more time with him - win win.

Just be wary of him causing you childcare issues

He's just txt me again.
I could not ignore.
Said I can get him 15 mins earlier than arranged (he wants 30 mins).

All of a sudden his dislike of clock watching and rat race and roller coaster of life (bleated from the position of being fully supported by your wife!!) is coming to bite him on the bum. Welcome to the real world.

He's replied and is dropping DS2 with me over an hour earlier than agreed! Ha!!! Win win for me.
Didn't take him long to struggle. Twat.

You sound so much better already! I too think you deserve some very nice socks to celebrate. Wear them as you figuratively walk all over the ex

Got my boy. None of his stuff though as they both bikes over. Have to negotiate collecting things. A whole new world for me

Dropping him early? Better than later and later. What a twat, why not just say when you were trying to arrange it all rather than ignoring. Hopefully in a short period of time he will realise it's better if you work together. What a bloody pain you not having any of his stuff though as you still have to consider him in your time with your son!

Lovely day. Went to English Heritage site with friends then back to theirs for a bit, then back home to spend evening with both boys.

Friend popped over. SO bloody lovely to be able to say "come in"...that hadn't happened for a long time unless I knew ex was out.

DS2 in a bit of a funk. Still doesn't have his blankie and is missing it. Ex had better bring it tomorrow.

Already getting anxious about non plans starting next Friday ie don't know what to expect next weekend and onwards. But it doesn't crush me as it did before.

DS2 with ex on Monday which means he won't get taken to Beavers which DS2 really wants to go to. Wish I had recorded my convo with him, where I said he should tell dad he wants to go and he said that dad won't listen to him.

But overall everything is so much better.

Does ex have DS2 again tomorrow (Sunday)? Maybe on future arrangements you can try and work him being with you on Mondays if ex won't take him, if ex questions it then tell him DS2 want to attend Beavers.

Probably be easier in the long run if you always pick DS2 up from him then you can be certain he has everything - although I don't know how that's going to work when he is taking him straight to school.

Glad things are finally calmer for you.

Yes, I would prefer to collect from his but right now ex is not engaging with me, just doing what he wants and I'm having to accommodate him.

The original rota that ex agreed to did have DS with me on Monday but obv he's disregarded that now.

I will tell him in front of DS that he should take him to beavers. I am in a better position to do that now as he can't hurt me in my own home (god that feels good to write!).

I am seeing sol on wed so will sit tight, quietly log everything and see what's what. Head teacher will write letter of support.

It's ex birthday today. He's collecting DS2 at 8am for bike ride. He says he's bringing stuff with him then. DS1 is joining them. Then they'll both be back here for 3pm.

He's just collected DS2 and I'm in bits. He didn't bring school uniform and book bag back. I asked him so many times. Fucking twat. Now I have to collect at his sodding convenience.
Big row in front of house.

And I kept saying "so when will you leave it outside your house?" and he just would not give me straight fucking answer. All maybe and might and probably.

He's just so selfish. I am taking DS1 to band rehearsal this afternoon which ex knows about so his fannying around directly affects that.
DS1 asking about afternoon so I had to tell him.

He's just so selfish. I am taking DS1 to band rehearsal this afternoon which ex knows about so his fannying around directly affects that.
DS1 asking about afternoon so I had to tell him.

If you are feeling strong enough then tell him the person he is causing stress and upset to is DS2, he may think it's hurting you but it's actually hurting his son.

You want him to have him 50/50 but if he can't be responsible then it will have to be reviewed to a schedule that doesn't include any school stuff going over to his house. I wonder if he would care if DS2 had to go to school out of uniform and without his bag?

He is still going to try to wrap you up in knots. Bit confused on your last post, are you concerned DS1 won't be back in time?

I want to say why can't ex drop stuff off when he drops DS's off, but we know the answer to that. Stupid prick.

I think he is just doing this to punish you. You need to stop reacting.

Stop asking when he will do so and so, or saying he needs to return things or children by whatever time. He will always just do these things to wind you up. You need to be blase about it. When the child goes to school with no uniform or book bag, and gets detentions and tells the school that his father won't return the book bag or uniform, it will all be on record and it will turn the child against the father. You cannot magic a book bag and uniform out of nowhere overnight! They may well have to report to social services the abuse that the father is witholding the child's school items and then how will that play out for the father?

He is never going to give you a straight answer so you need to stop asking straight questions. You need to warn him that this is only ever going to make him look bad, not you and if he is looking to get himself removed from any care then he is just playing into your hands.

^ Even better if the school phoned him directly asking him to drop the items in school. Part of me wanted to suggest this but I know my son wouldn't cope and would be very distressed at the thought of going to school without everything he needed, I guess some children wouldn't mind so much, it's all down to the individual.

These are entirely not the sort of socks I normally buy! Love 'em though

chuck I'm not doing that to my child - he's only 7 and I want to send him to school with the right things. It matters to him.
School won't know who has dropped him off and know (or care) that his dad isn't cooperative. He won't get detentions.

chuck I'm not doing that to my child - he's only 7 and I want to send him to school with the right things. It matters to him.
School won't know who has dropped him off and know (or care) that his dad isn't cooperative. He won't get detentions.

Catalogue EVERYTHING that makes any sort of shared care difficult and how DS2 is being used as a pawn/being inconvenienced.

So Prick isn't capable of sorting out uniform sharing - he can't collect DS from school then can he, will have to be from home won't it...

He is going to use your DS2 in every way he can so please be prepared for this.

Pick your stance now.

It would probably be better for you stress levels to be utter blasé about EVERYTHING, get your DS2 very cheap uniform and accept Prick will never return it etc. he will never, ever, do anything you ask and will use it as a power trip over you.

I appreciate this is hard

Dobby approves of your socks, always remember you are now a free elf!

It's such a shame you have to pay for more solicitors. I trust he brings the boys home on time and I still can't see why DS2s belongings can't be returned at the same time.

Enjoy the socks guaranteed only to have your feet in them.
With my ex I learnt never to send ds1 and 2 with anything they'd miss if it didn't come back. One good winter coat did go awol for a couple of weeks until ex eventually brought it back.

bump I don't get his that works with school days.
Obv I'm new to all this.
I didn't collect DS2s stuff. Ignored ex's txt asking whether I was. Explained to DS2.

What am I missing here - he had the boys today and brought them home so why didn't he just bring the belongings then?