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30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

(1000 Posts)
Thewizardo Fri 24-Jun-16 14:14:09

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Anna44 Fri 24-Jun-16 14:46:04

Good luck, no contact is hard but worth it if you really want out and get over it. Don't give up, have will power if this is what you really want!

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 24-Jun-16 14:56:11

Good stuff.

Suggest you switch off your phone, or get a second SIM card and relegate your current number to contact with your ex only. That way you can keep it switched off and only turn on and check for messages like once a week, or at times when he has DD.

NC is sanity-saver and you are right to do it.

Thewizardo Fri 24-Jun-16 16:17:31

Hadn't thought about the second number but that's a good idea. Save me jumping out of my skin every time the phone beeps.

Everything I've read says it gets better after the first ten days. I'm determined to do this

JennyMe Fri 24-Jun-16 18:59:44

I'm on this with you!
Broke up last week but decided I can't do any more contact today.
I'm heartbroken but really really need to move on.
I've got so much going for me and being dragged by someone who doesn't deserve me is ruining my life.

Scarlettablue Fri 24-Jun-16 19:28:08

I dumped him on Sunday after four years. He'd been cheating - probably frequently with multiple partners. I emailed him once, hoping for an explanation or at least an apology. No response as yet. I doubt I'll try again but get the urge sometimes.

Sn0tnose Fri 24-Jun-16 20:09:32

I did this a few years ago. What really helped me was to get a notebook and at the time of day when we would normally chat (just before bed) I'd write a letter to him saying everything I'd normally tell him about my day, and how I was feeling. I did this every night without fail. Oh my God, this helped me so much. I found that, as the days went on, the letters were less and less about me feeling sad and more and more about his shortcomings as a partner. Obviously, he never, ever saw a single word, but it made it so much easier not to text him.

Thewizardo Fri 24-Jun-16 21:04:41

Struggling at the moment. Had a glass of wine which was a bad idea.

Have you all read the link? It's really keeping me going. I'm taking the power back!

ktkaboom Fri 24-Jun-16 21:14:35

I am currently trying to do no contact as when I took the kids shopping earlier their dad packed his bags and posted the keys through the door sad
It's so hard though because obviously I can't just not talk to him at all because we have children but I think for my own sanity I need to!!
I was going to have a glass of wine but already emotional so swerving it!!

duro1 Fri 24-Jun-16 21:30:16

I haven;t read the link yet but for me its so hard as we have a baby together and have collections/drop offs 5 days a week... I need the break otherwise would cut it down. I just keep falling back into this emotionally abusive relationship with him and really need to do something about it. We haven't got other people/places to do handover so stuck as it is for now

Thewizardo Fri 24-Jun-16 21:32:17

I've been doing the notebook thing but in my notes instead.

List of all the things I didn't like about him
Texts I want to send then delete

JennyMe Fri 24-Jun-16 21:34:51

I read the link and it really helped. I absolutely have to get him out my life. The bad far outweighs the good. I think I'm only going to make it through by reminding myself how awful he has been to me and that I would only have more of that.

notgivingin789 Fri 24-Jun-16 21:35:15

Yep finally broke up with DS dad two days ago; he told me "how can I move on from this?"; I replied "Just continuing being there for DS"; he replied " I can't be there for him if I can't be there for you as well". hmm

Thewizardo Fri 24-Jun-16 21:36:11

Yes the no contact thing has to be worked around the kids. I made some rules and I'm sticking to them.

Only texting about DC if necessary. Not anecdotes/photos/memories etc. Basic, hi, pickup at 6 today type thing.

During drop off/pick up not physically being there. I hear him pull up so I put the baby and her bag near the front door. He opens it and collects her. No need for conversations.

This isn't supposed to be a long term thing. It's just for the immediate future while I try to mend my heart a bit.

The link has more detail.

JennyMe Fri 24-Jun-16 21:38:42

I've just put all the things he's given me at the back of my wardrobe out of sight for now too. He actually didn't deserve me, I is that but I had a really unhealthy addiction to him.

Thewizardo Fri 24-Jun-16 21:43:42

Another thing I read said that the first few days are like torture, like your body is craving something but I gets easier.

I downloaded an app called 'quit that'. It counts down the days/hours/minutes since you've quit something. I'm aiming for 30 days initially.

Thewizardo Fri 24-Jun-16 21:44:39

That's a really positive move. Yes all of DPs stuff has gone now.

I also changed his name in my phone to DO NOT CALL OR TEXT!'

Thewizardo Fri 24-Jun-16 22:00:39

This bit is v important I think

SirPugalug Fri 24-Jun-16 22:03:22

Hi. I just wanted to place mark because I think I will end up here in the not so distant future and also to wish you all luck with what you are going through. X

Thewizardo Sat 25-Jun-16 07:05:06

Day 1 done!

Was tough, switched my phone off last night so I wouldn't be tempted to text. I've got an email I need to send him about so tickets I bought him for his birthday. The event has been cancelled so I need to let him know. Will just forward email with no message.

seagulldown Sat 25-Jun-16 07:27:12

Great thread! I was very good at the no contact in the early days of the break up. I somehow found it easier then as the pain was so raw. But I've been noticing that we've been contacting each other more frequently again.

We do have kids together and most of the contact is about them. However not all and some messages are just random chats. I need to stop those again.

For the kids stuff, I find it helpful to write a list elsewhere and then send the info all in one go on a particular day of the week. Best on a day when the kids are going to him as then it's seems like all the communication is just on one day rather than spread over the week. I believe there are online co-parenting diarys that you can post kids info so that its shared with the ex but not directly messaging them (if that makes sense). Anyone know of this?

Anyway, I will keep up with this thread to help me...

BeautifulLiar Sat 25-Jun-16 07:37:14

So glad I've found this!

I'm an all or nothing person so I've dealt with break ups in the past by cutting all contact. However I have four children with my ex husband (who walked out 8 weeks ago) so I can't completely get him out of my life.

As a PP said there is some kind of unhealthy addiction. I know he was a pretty shit husband/dad, it's just torture living like this.

The texts he was sending me were making me worse so I told him to stop unless it's to confirm contact arrangements etc. He did stop. That hurts too.

I have to hand the children over to him at 10:30 am and I'm dreading it. Every time I'm shaking like a leaf. Has anyone got any tips?

Would just send the children out as he waits at the end of the drive but I have to hand the 16 week old over to him (well, if he's having her this week that is. He hasn't actually said). Then I have to see him again after an hour to get her back. Someone help!!

Thewizardo Sat 25-Jun-16 08:00:55

Can one of your eldest carry her down the drive?

If you absolutely have to see him, then be detached, no eye contact, hello - hand over - bye kids. Then walk away.

BeautifulLiar Sat 25-Jun-16 08:07:58

I did consider that wizard as the eldest often holds her for me while I'm trying to do eleven million things at once but he wouldn't really be able to carry her down the drive. He's 8 in August.

Every time I convince myself I'm going to say hi, bye and walk into the house but I always hang around for some reason. I don't want him, I think I just feel obliged? I'm so used to being a part of him. He usually acts like he just wants me to fuck off, unless he's asking where I'm going/what I'm doing that day!! (Never tell him of course!)

ktkaboom Sat 25-Jun-16 08:40:05

I managed to get through the first night but feel really hurt that he hasn't text to see if any of us are ok when he could see how upset I was and he knows the kids will ask where he is!!

I have no advice beautifulliar but hope the handover goes ok and that it gets easier for you flowers

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