30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Can't sleep. Awful isn't it to think we were rebound relationships when for me I was ready for real love. Come to think of it, I seem to remember him referring to me as a rebound (why on earth didn't I pick up on that?) he was with ex wife 15 years. So why, why,why would he plan a baby with me? He was also happy when we found out.
I'm tired, tired of thinking.
No idea how his phone number gone from your phone? What phone do you have?

I really can't think what good came out of the relationship..

I was completely used as well and his absence in my life speaks volumes to be now.
I've learnt so much about people now and when I saw ex-h yesterday when ds visited him (and decided not to stay) I realised what an empty vessel he is too.
I was wondering if this thread will need to be refreshed and if it was then we could have a moving on thread with all the positive things that are happening.

I'd like to get out dating again in the future. Now I can see him for what he was I don't think I want to hold on to someone so damaging to my life anymore, even in my head.

Hi ladies,
Having another difficult day today. Part of me hopes he doesn't call part of me wants him to call so I know he hasn't forgotten.

Apple, hope you are having a better day today.

Noticed a few people have said they were blocked on whatsapp. Is there a way to find out if one was blocked without sending a message? Thanks

I thought that was the case. Was wondering if there is a way to find out without sending a message. Although if one is blocked the message will never reach them. Even when they unblock the number the message received during the blocked period will not arrive. I'd like to know if I have been blocked but not going to send a message to find out.

I'll think of you today Silk and hope that whatever happens will be for the best for you. I think of you all everyday on here and admire your courage to face this and get through it. I work in medicine and know that some are not so strong and don't cope.
I always think every day that as much as I wish all this hadn't happened to all of you I'm so glad I'm not alone (even though I don't know who you all are). I think if we ever met up in rl in a year or two we'd all be in great places in lives because we care enough about ourselves to seek help on here and share our thoughts and feelings. I think we've all had this happen so that we have room in our lives for the right men for us so I think we're the lucky ones. I know a few friends who are really unhappy in their relationships so I think I'm grateful now that my life is opening up for happiness.

I'd love the next thread to be a really positive one for us (even with our challenges on) for our next phases of life. We need a really great thread title.

Normally on whatsapp you can see when someone is online or their 'last seen' if that isn't there it indicates you've been blocked. Their profile picture also disappears.
Heartbroken 'shit'- I know what you mean waving but I have been heartbroken
It wouldn't be so bad I don't think if I hadn't got pregnant to move on.
How on earth do you ever trust again?
The dating- I did go on a date but not at all ready and told the guy. He was nice but not for me anyway. I think I'm going to be out of the dating scene for a long time, concentrate on myself, my ds and career.
I am going to get myself out more though to try to improve confidence. I think I may also have some counselling sessions

Silk- thinking about you today. I would let him initiate the contact, if he remembers. If he does call maybe plan what you want to say? Keep posting

Thanks for pushing me along waving.. You are so right, we emerge stronger and learn lessons.
What I've learnt:
Not to get involved with someone recently out of a marriage
Trust my gut, don't overlook those niggles
Speak up, not message/ text but TALK.
Not to get involved with someone emotionally unavailable, don't give more than I get back
Don't sleep with them too quickly?

I have low self esteem and never feel 'good enough'.. I need to improve boundaries too. Any good book you can recommend waving?

Feel and am exactly the same waving. I'll look up that book

Well I half-heartedly half-joined a few dating sites to see what was out there. It was not good. I have spent a couple of days feeling very low - have had to admit to myself that I. Am. Old. And I haven't seen a single profile that appealed to me in the slightest. I've been feeling like I need to get back to the kind of person I was before I was married, but realistically that person was in a much more attractive body package! I was reading a biography of an SOE agent from WW2 who cried at the end of the war on finding out so many of the people she'd known were dead, but cried buckets and buckets when her little dog had to be put to sleep, because she said that this last link to her old life made her realise that she was no longer young. Maybe I feel a bit like that.

Apple, Waving, how do you learn to trust again? What I am really struggling with is whether there is actually anyone out there for me.

Free, Flurple, hope things are better today. Silk good luck with your challenge.

Next thread: A year to awesome? (A better word than awesome?)

Jenny - a great thread title - maybe you said it - opening up for happiness?

Hare. How old are you 40/50's. I'm coming up 40 and ageing, not as attractive and in some ways feeling a little out of touch and bewildered with the dating world and modern life. How bad does that sound?!
Going off previous experiences, or divorce, abiding relationship and most recent ex, not to mention boyfriends from before I married.. We didn't think we'd meet anyone but we did. We did because we healed a little and became more open to it.
The date I went on made me feel worse overall, I was trying to gain some control but it didn't work. I missed my ex and the reality of the date highlighted I was nowhere near ready. I wouldn't touch online dating with a barge pole, especially not now. I'm going to work on myself. However I guess something good did come from the date in that I realised that? How long are you post split Hare?

Abusive not abiding

Apple, I'm 52. I lost any looks I may have had (not many to start with) over the marriage (17 years). We've been separated for 15 months but it's been messy; some of it we had to share the same house and we only told the children in December. As I've said before in this thread he was depressed for a long time (the counsellor I'm seeing said this is often destructive for partners) and I was unwilling to accept he truly meant he wanted to separate so it's been messy in terms of my acceptance as well. I'm beginning to see the extent of my own issues in how this all played out (with the help of the counsellor and the links you've all been posting) but learning so much about myself (and I had thought I was pretty self-aware before) doesn't help with the roller-coaster nature of all of this.

I met XH after a previous long relationship had ended - I was in my 30s then - but I felt strong and positive then. A world away from how I feel now.

I know I'm not ready for another relationship but I think I could deal with that better if I believed there was anyone decent out there for me. I don't know how much of my break up was to do with the individual and how much to do with how men are generally. As in, I don't know how I would trust any man again. I feel like what I'm looking for is somehow not out there.

I also feel that I am not making much sense here...

Same here, I feel the person for me isn't out there.. At this stage I now feel ok about it, if I don't meet anyone then I can't be hurt. I can be selfish.. If it happens it happens.
I'm sure there are men out there that feel the same as us..