30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

I think we're all in the same boat. I'm 42 in two weeks but I believe that with the right work on our self esteem, confidence and boundaries we could all be happy and have a happy relationship.
I definitely think we should have another thread called Opening up for happiness, that is all I want for myself.
I've got a bit of a job raising my teen soon alone (no father to help) that is fairly gut wrenchingly for me at the moment but realised that can also be an opportunity for me to see the good in men. A friend's husband yesterday said I've got to stop believing all men are bad and he's right.
I think with happiness we can all look younger and attractive and that stress and unhappiness age people but that can be reversed. When you become beautiful on the inside you become beautiful on the outside.

Here you go

Yes, I think most people are inherently good but some get side tracked on their journey.
I too have thought the best of people and not expected anyone to treat me badly, I couldn't see why they would.

I have been particularly naive, I was seeing a particularly deceitful man. I am going to sound really stupid telling you this but this is how trusting of people I am!!

He told me he had a different first name when we met to his real name. Honestly, it never occurred to me that he was lying and he said he didn't tell me as he thought my ex-h would come and find him. I found out when I googled his surname. When I started using Watsapp, I asked him why we didn't use it (as I could see him on it) and he told me he only uses it for his family only so asked me to use Kik messenger which after a year of use I later found out he had been using with another Kik profile as well with the fake name he gave me. He said absolutely nothing about a close family members death and attending their funeral which I thought was bizarre to say nothing about until I found out later and at the end didn't tell me he was going on holiday (booked months before I found out). That was amongst a load of other stuff. Obviously I wasn't the only one on the scene and I should have run for hills at the first lie. Anyway, huge lessons learnt.

I am struggling with the idea that people are inherently good, though I would love to believe it. Too many years on MN maybe, with the same stories/scripts playing; too few good male role models in my life; or maybe I'm just grumpy.

There's also the fact that even if people are good they can still hurt you unimaginable for reasons not including being horrible people.

*unimaginably

Ah Jenny that scares me as I am the same really and just can't imagine lying like that - and therefore seem particularly ill-equipped to spot it! And if people are really good at lying - how would I find out early enough? Scary....

Very true re beautiful on the inside, beautiful on the outside.
I'd really hope there are some good ones out there. We are good so there must be some good ones? I feel so disillusioned and untrusting now. I don't want to see the bad in people, I too look for the positives..
I think I'm too naive..?
Feeling a bit low again.. Finding myself looking at specific tables we've sat at etc feeling sad..

Thank you all for last night, I went to bed and felt better this morning, I'm still fighting through the feelings of hurt and pain but I don't want to talk to him, so thank you all.

I will be reading the parts I've missed but I wanted to say thanks first.

Glad you feel better today Flurple

So its day 5!...and I'm angry...Composing over and over the message I want to send. Desperately want to tell him what I think of him. I know it would be a total waste of time. I'm just so sickened with how used I feel. And how easily he could just walk away without a backward glance.
Someone slap me!

Well done for getting to day 5!
I've been where you are hundreds of times, and each time I feel worse, stay strong, you can do this.
What happened? Would it help to tell us?

Welcome you would think..

It is incredible what they do and how they just walk away.
I was completely taken in because he comes across as a really really lovely guy, very good job, would appear to the rest of the world as a really decent man. Little does the world really know of him and luckily I am not in that world but I now feel sorry for those who are.

JennyMe. Same here. Managing director of a firm, all the right attributes, however although he told me he was separated from him wife, I believe there was a crossover now. He's a clever thinker, everyone thinks he's such a good bloke, but.. Who plans a pregnancy then walks away in a matter of months following miscarriage. I feel an absolute fool. Also him messaging my so called good friend. What an idiot I am

Also before I was blocked a post on FB with his arm around a very attractive so called good friend??? Looking very happy. Whilst I'm in despair.

Apple, you're not an idiot. I think these men are. I thought that very intelligent men in responsible positions would also be emotionally intelligent but actually I think now it is the opposite for them. I think for some the more intelligent they are, the more successful they are so the more arrogant and selfish they are which makes them do stupid things which I think eventually catch up with them. I thought I'd like to tell some people about his appalling behaviour then I thought I'd rather he gets caught out by someone else who will be a lot more venomous than me.

Silk scarf, did you have the phonecall? Hope you're ok.
JennyMe, thank you. I really do feel a fool. I do think he was emotionally intelligent just completely emotionally unavailable, does that make sense? I saw it with his daughter, his thought processes etc but he wouldn't give it to me. In fact, what does it mean when someone doesn't agree with anything you say? Not in an angry way, but just like you can't have a satisfactory conversation as they always find alternatives to what you're saying, which makes you try harder and harder?

Hi all,
Yesterday was the big "phone call day". I didn't feel I could handle it so switched off my phone. When I switched it back on last night I noticed 3 missed calls and one whatsapp msg saying that he had tried to ring me. I have texted him back this morning saying that I couldn't handle talking to him and that I was sorry but I needed space to grieve over the relationship and if he could please not contact me again in the foreseeable future. Feel awful and mean but at the same time I think I will now be able to move on with my life. I had signed up with POF for some distraction of anything but I think it isn't what I need right now. I need to pull myself together. I'm going to start job hunting tomorrow. Have wanted to change jobs for a few months now but never done anything about it. So all change and who knows what life will be like in 6 months or so. I'm feeling really shit right now but at the same time also relieved and looking forward to the future.

Wow silk - I think you're amazing. Very dignified!

I think you're amazing to have had the courage to do what you feel is right for you despite your grief.

You've done so well.

My gut feeling was I was right to walk away even though it's been heartbreaking.
Moving on and doing something new really helps.

I was thinking about you silk and am very impressed how you dealt with it! You knew how you would feel and you went with your gut. You're doing all the right things.

Hi all, thanks for your kind messages. Your support has really helped me to keep my cool so far.
Today is the first day of my annual leave. Would have preferred to go to work as I was supposed to go to Ireland for a week but in my line of work we have to take 2 weeks compulsory leave each year to ensure we don't do any dodgy dealings! On my way to London now to see 2 recruiters. Feel like I'm doing something to change my life. I think that actively trying to change something about my life is what I really need right now rather than dating. I met Mr wonderful from Ireland abt 9 months after my 18 year relationship with DCs dad broke up last year. I really don't like being single all but still it is better than being in my 18 year miserable relationship.
I hope you are all starting to feel a bit better now although no doubt we will all have our ups and downs the only way is onwards!

No YOU DON'T need to email.