30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Just wanted to say well done and keep strong to all of you.

I have done the 30 days NC and it was so beneficial, I've extended it to 60 days. Will actually go for a lifetime of NC, but baby steps.

Don't beat yourself up at 'failing' the NC. It is early days and things are still so raw. I was very fortunate/ unfortunate depending on which way you looked at it, that I had a 5 week old baby to contend with. When she was sleeping, I'd tidy my cupboards, sort out wardrobes, demould the bathroom. Everything and anything to keep busy. I really recommend this. Keep yourself occupied.

As the days went on, I realised I was thinking about him a little less and would reward myself with a biscuit if say I realised I'd tidied the airing cupboard without falling apart over him.

Do not replay things in your head. Do not look for answers. Try (and I know how difficult it is) not to get angry.

What is better for you is nothingness.
Well, that's what I'm telling myself anyway.
It is still hard, especially on the evenings when the kids are in bed and we used to snuggle on the sofa. Thank God for Netflix.
Work out your more susceptible times for getting upset and plan to do something. Last night I watched tv whilst I went through the kids' colouring pencils and sharpened them all.

Remember, your aim is to see him again and feel absolutely nothing.

Keep it up. It will be worth it in the end x

I definitely take a dip in the afternoon / evenings though. I think that's when I get tired and upset though.

I think what's upsetting me now though is that with the space I'm really starting to see him for what he is and I just couldn't absorb that information before and didn't want to accept it. He told me some awful lies and was actually really cruel with what he did. I think that's my sadness.
I hope one day I meet someone lovely.
I hope everyone else survived the day okay/

I'm here. Failing my own no contact. After the row yesterday I felt so shit and checked his Facebook. Found out he's friended his ex.

Had a day of back and forth angry messages. So not claiming my day 6 today but will aim for it tomorrow.

That was really helpful concrete

Here is my virtual shaking of you by the shoulders wizardo!

Do not, I repeat do not internet stalk! I totally get the need (of course I did it myself). Perversely torturing yourself even more. Wanting to find out what he was doing, how come he didn't seem as broken as me, imagining him in bed with whoever.

Just don't.

I told myself that he'd fucked everybody, everywhere, all the time. That it was all fake and not a true word ever came out of his mouth. Remind yourself what you were like before you met. A more positive, strong, happy woman, I'd bet.

Don't get me wrong, I don't know it all and I still hurt like hell, but nowhere near as much as I did before.
Go one day at a time. Not receiving his baroque emails professing his undying love for me and the kids, no more drip feeding of truths, no more shouting what a fuck he is...it's so healing.

I am slowly realising I don't miss him; I miss the lies he told me and the charade of our life together.

Prepare yourself for week 2. For me, that's when the anger started to subside and the reality that we were over set in.

Slap on your keeping-your-shit-together face and stay strong.
You will get there. Soon.
X

Too much wine. Text him and told him how much I missed him. Ignored.

Not a good day today

Wizardo, hope you're ok.

It's done now. Not ideal, but done. Never mind the fact he didn't reply. Had he replied you would just get more tangled up in the web. block his number.

Phone a friend. Make a cup of tea, have chocolate.

Repeat after me, i can do this!

I think we'll all be okay eventually. Don't blame yourself Wizardo. I've had dreadful urges to message him and say I'm sad but I don't think I would get an answer at the moment. I think he'd just be smug I had made contact again.
Years ago I went out with a guy and was devastated that he suddenly stopped contact. I rang and rang him in a psychotic way which I suppose in itself got it out my system, I then had days of crying then realised what an idiot he was and moved on quite easily. A few weeks later he tried to make contact and said he'd been an idiot but by then I felt nothing and had no desire to reply. Actually, I've been out with 3 men who I got really upset over breaking up with, realised they were all horrible, moved on with life then they've tried to get back together with me and I've said no. I've got a pattern of going out with the wrong guys so have got to break the pattern now.

I know your all right. I know.

Hi all.
Can I join ye? First day of no contact, anxiety is eating me up. I'm numb, don't know wat to do. I want to contact and don't want to. I spent all day flipping between the 2. I'll be back later after I've read the thread.

Made it through another day. I had more waves of sadness but also realised as much as I miss his nice messages, I don't miss his messages he used to send me in reply when he hadn't bothered to read my messages properly or just sent a quick message which usually made me say "Bastard" under my breath.
I've been out at the park with my son and have actually had moments of seeing there is a future without him. Every thought I have of him I'm trying to replace with imagining a happy future, maybe with someone else.

How are you today Thewizardo? Welcome greeneyedgirl....day one is horrific isnt it but you can do it!
Day 4 here which i never imagined id get to without caving in and phoning or messaging him x

Hi all.
I'm back. Quick background, been with him for 3 years. Overall he's a good man, but its reached make or break point. When we have a row he takes off for days no contact unless I contact. And he answers but no proper conversation. It gives me horrible anxiety when he does this. It has to stop. So he took off today and normally I would be trying to fix this, but not anymore. This cycle has to stop. And I need to do this so I know I can do this on my own.
How are ye all doing?

Gemmiebear I have to siton myhands so i dont message him. This cycle keeps happening and it needs to stop. Thewizardo thinking of you. Start again if needs be. You can do it. Jennyme I can't wait to get to the point of seeing a future.

No tears today, not even tempted to contact. Got all my stuff back and got some closure.
Not a bad guy but not the guy for me.

I feel fairly neutral this evening. I definitely couldn't go on. I had two years of a rollercoaster ride with him and started having anxiety attacks about lies he told me, him not telling me stuff and getting cross when I brought things up. I actually thought I might have a nervous breakdown eventually and end up looking like a complete hag of a nervous anxious wreck. I feel sad but no longer anguished. He said he didn't want us to break up so he should have done something about it. I've decided I'm a far bigger loss to him than he is to me.

That struck a chord with me Jenny no more anguish and I'm a bigger loss to him than he is to me.
They truly don't deserve us seriously, we're too kind/softhearted for our own good, trying to fix them, when they need to fix themselves.
I like the saying 'you can't protect someone from their own life'

Although I've so far woken up sad, I haven't had any sleepless nights like I did before out of anxiety. I kept seeing him as I liked parts of him so much and thought we might have had a future. I was fairly deluded. I have to make my life much better now, life is precious.

I agree.
I had a couple of odd dreams about him last night, hopefully it's another thing being worked out of my system.

Hi everyone

Had a horrible two days of texting, calls, arguments and recriminations. Just awful. I feel like i'm right back at the start again. So i've started my no contact clock from 8.30pm last night and i'm more determined than ever to do this now.

I've got my list of things i hate about him (added about 20 more things) and i've got a note that I wrote that I promised myself I would read before I contacted him in the future. So hard because we have DD together. I wish he would just disappear off the face of the earth.

Welcome to the new folk, the first days are so very hard. And well done to everyone who's doing so well, I admire you x

God I had an awful dream as well. Well a nightmare really. Was being chased and then raped by some faceless shadowy man . Not sure what Freud would make of that!

Draw a line under it, big girl panties on, aim to get thro this weekend nc and take it from there x

Its OK to slip and contact. What matters is your back on the wagon.
Day 1 completed, slept very well. But its early days. Have anxiety this morning, but determined not to contact. I feel very numb not sad or anything, which is scary because I know its going to hit hard at some point.

Thinking of everyone today. Don't feel bad if you slip. Sometimes you have to take a step back to take two forward.

I listened to Matthew Hussey on YouTube this morning about would you date yourself. I made a list of all the qualities I would want in a man. Ex did not have many but going to focus on developing those qualities in myself. Keep going, keep going.
Ps, my son's father was absolutely awful. It's 15 years since I did nc with him. You can all do it! !!

Its so bloody hard. Had these messages from him today:

How is DD?

Don't just ignore me!

I will FaceTime her at lunch time

Then i had to listen to his voice for 10 minutes whilst he talked to DD and I held the phone

Then

Make sure she is in nice clothes tomorrow, I am taking her out for dinner, thanks

I just can't bloody take much more of this. And to make my day just fucking awful I just got an email from bookings.com that he has booked a king size room for two in London tonight. It cost more than he gave me for a month for DD. Just want to crawl into bed and hide.