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The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

(1000 Posts)
InDreamland Sat 13-Jul-19 12:56:34

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

InDreamland Sat 13-Jul-19 12:57:06

@Frillyfarmer sorry I knew I missed someone out.

Missed loads more.

InDreamland Sat 13-Jul-19 13:01:26

@Laney79 @Pancakesandwaffles @coconutlatte44 @tinatsarina @Beaglemum93 @moonpeace @Ginmonkey84 @hayleyfx @sadtoday21

InDreamland Sat 13-Jul-19 13:02:05


InDreamland Sat 13-Jul-19 13:10:41

@Unicornsandrainbows1 @Melpops36 @theAntsareMyFriends @nzs2019

rubyroot Sat 13-Jul-19 13:17:03

@InDreamland really glad youre managing to keep yourself occupied. I'm doing a terrible job, it's worse in the evenings and at night. Oh why can't you drink wine when you're pregnant.

I'm 40 one mmc just over 3 years ago. Nine weeks, but ended 6.5. 18 month old conceived a year later. Tfmr at 13.5 after seeing heartbeat at 9 weeks. Chemical pregnancy 4 weeks ago. Pregnant again. Crapping myself and struggling not to think about it ALL the time.

Melpops36 Sat 13-Jul-19 13:17:50

Thanks for the new thread @InDreamland
20 weeks at the moment scan on Thursday
2 mmc back to back March 2018 and October 2018
3 living lovely DS
38 been TTC since December 2017. FX this is our rainbow 🌈
All well so far. Am the size of a small house and eating for 7 but only one in there!
A bit crap at posting but following board everyday xx

sadtoday21 Sat 13-Jul-19 13:53:30

Thanks @InDreamland for starting the new thread and for welcoming me on to it! This will give me a chance to catch up on all of your stories smile.

About me: Also no living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 5 weeks with a scan booked for 7 weeks. Pretty terrified of the scan. Previously had a mmc partial molar pregnancy with my first pregnancy in February that was discovered at the 12 week scan (baby passed at 9), absolutely shocked and devastated, particularly when I found out five weeks after the d&c that it was a partial molar. I had a chemical pregnancy the next month in March. This all happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mum's death from breast cancer, so it was really rough for awhile. I then had to undergo monitoring at CX hospital in London to make sure I didn't need chemo or follow-on treatment for the molar. I couldn't ttc at this time because of fears the molar would come back, so we had to wait for about three months. First cycle of trying after being cleared from CX, bfn, second cycle DH was out of the country when I O'd and we only dtd five days before O, but miraculously, incredibly I just got my bfp at 14 dpo after two earlier bfns. I am afraid of pretty much everything now - another chemical, another molar, no hb, scans, something even worse...I have zero faith in statistics and doubt I'll rest easy until a new baby is in my arms. Definitely the joys of pregnancy have been ruined for me, as it has for all of us on here. But I'm trying to stay positive and take one day at a time, and I am grateful I found this thread with lovely women who have been through the same thing and can support each other through it. Xxx

Yukka Sat 13-Jul-19 14:10:15

Thanks for the new thread and tag @InDreamland

I will later this afternoon post the numbers I have on recurring mc from St marys, hopefully will help share a bit of 'substantiated hope'

In the meantime:
Age 40
Ttc #1
RMC Sept 17, Dec 17, May 18
Referred and diagnosed with Antiphospholipid Syndrome (aps)
4th pregnancy Nov18 with treatment..currently 37w 6d, being induced on 24th July.

Also know as Mrs Positive Pants 😊😊

Frillyfarmer Sat 13-Jul-19 14:20:27

Thanks for the new thread @InDreamland

About me - 29, DS almost 2 years old, TTC since Oct 2018, MC @5 weeks in Jan 19, MC @ 5+3 in May 2019, currently 6+4 based on my ovulation tracking.

I'm swinging from positive pants brigade to being utterly terrified of heading for MC #3. I'm trying to take comfort in the nausea and still occasionally POAS from the ICs I have left in the drawer. I desperately want this to stick and I feel as though I'm surrounded by pregnant friends and family.

Looking forwards to Mrs positive pants @Yukka statistics. I've been on datalyse today to reassure me but I can't find out whether it is in any way accurate and I've no idea how their data is analysed.

Beaglemum93 Sat 13-Jul-19 14:37:20

Checking in, I'm 25 (26 next month) and currently 16+6 with a boy! Had two previous losses. A MMC where the baby died at 12+2 in October 2018 and a CP in March. I got pregnant straight after the chemical, I didn't wait til I had a period first.

Thanks for the new thread!

MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Sat 13-Jul-19 14:44:50

Thanks @InDreamland! Can't believe we're on thread two or how many of us there now are!

Another swinger from positive pants to negative Nancy.

DD 2.5 born Nov 2016
MMC July 2018. Discovered at 8 weeks passed naturally at 10 weeks
ectopic Feb 2019. Discovered at 8 weeks and left tube removed
Currently 15+1 and due 3rd Jan. Know I'm Team Blue as had the Harmony test.

Apparently as of today I'm *141.8 times* more likely to result in a baby than end in a miscarriage. Now to just make myself believe that...

Frillyfarmer Sat 13-Jul-19 16:09:14

Came home from hols to a letter from ante natal confirming my scan on 23rd when I will hopefully be 8 weeks - a new little milestone for me to root for. I've also got a letter requesting I go for GTT on the same week. I'm guessing it's due to my GD in first pregnancy but I didn't get that until I was 32 weeks and tbh a full morning sat in GTT clinic at 8 weeks seems overkill. The thought of not eating anything for 12 hours with my current nausea is also sending my stomach into knots - I'm eating little and often to stop myself from throwing up which is something that has hit me this week!

Yukka Sat 13-Jul-19 16:26:48

OK here are the stats translated into numbers . . I found it better to look at it like this than just as % . . .

Lets say 10,000 women all get pregnant on the same day . . .

1. 75% (7500) of those women will have full term pregnancy first time round - there are different stats at this point about stillbirth and trisomy defects but we'll use the term 'full term pregnancy'
2. 25% of those women will MC- this will be their first pregnancy and first MC, so 2500 women MC x 1. (Many experts think this number could actually be 50%, but the mother didn't know she was pregnant or simply didn't report it)
3. those 2500 women all get pregnant again, and this time 80% will have full term pregnancy, that's 2000, but 20% will MC for the second time, that's 500 women x 2 MC. Remember that's 500 from the original 10,000 that have x 2 MC's.
4. those 500 women all get pregnant again, and 495 will have full term pregnancy, but 1%, 5 women, will have MC number 3. That 5 women of 10,000 that become officially recurrent miscarriers.

Because of the final stat on point 4, that's why the NHS don't usually do any fertility tests until you've had 3 MCs, as chances really are in your favour of successful pregnancy. It feels harsh but it does make sense.

Secondly of the 5 women that had 3 ( or more MC's) 50% roughly will have a potential fertility diagnosis that may or may not be treatable (including age/partner related infertility), and 50% have 'unexplained' MC, can be considered unlucky, could have something that is yet unknown/untestable. At this point you're likely move into IVF/assisted fertility routes.

NK Cells was the latest breakthrough in the 50% unexplained MC. as these women also tended to have successful pregnancies followed by recurrent miscarriage or vice versa. The process of the NK Cells does mean without treatment these women were getting lucky as the NK cells clear themselves out, then build up again.

Even the condition I have has only become testable in a standard lab level in the last 10 years.

Also, my personal view, is that I would refrain from using the term Chemical Pregnancy, as some GP's do seem to use this as a means to tell you to go home and try again. The fact is, nobody can know whether it was a 'chemical' unless the remains were tested. As far as anyone is concerned, if you had a positive home test, followed by a bleed, then a negative test, then you had an MC. Get it on your medical record each time, and if you are unlucky enough to get to 3, refer, refer, refer. Get all the tests done.

@RubyRoot my RMC consultant on my first visit suggested if there was an issue it would most likely be my age ( 39 at the time of mc x 3) and thus poor quality eggs. So even getting pregnant was one thing but the embryo would then fail due to poor quality egg in the first place. He had suggested we may in the future need to consider donor eggs. (sense of humour was needed at this point, so DH joked he'd just go down the pub on friday and find younger woman)

But consultant was totally wrong, we discovered I have a blood condition that causes MC and thus, with treatment I'm now 37w6d and booked in to give birth in 12 days . . . .

Recurrent MC will happen to some of us, but even now there are many on this thread who had 1 or 2 MC's and are now so far, having healthy pregnancies and some of us who had 3 also. Everyone on here suffered loss and is pregnant again.. Keep positive and stay strong within yourself, we can all have those rainbow babies we just have different journey's to get there xx

Amanda81 Sat 13-Jul-19 16:35:48

Thanks for the new thread @InDreamland - good to hear all is well with you.

I'm 38. For a while I planned life without children due to a possibility of conceiving a child with Duchenne Muscular Dystophy (terminally ill from
birth). I was tested when I was 12 as it runs in the family (girls carry the condition) and my chances of carrying was up to 33%. Thankfully at the ripe old age of 35 I got a letter saying that the tests are now much more sophisticated and that I should get retested. Apparently I should have got this letter two years earlier but I had moved from England to Wales. Anywho, after a year of tests and consultations I was cleared as 'population risk' - so my chances of conceiving a child with MD was as much as every lady delivering in the maternity ward. So...after a while of deliberations we decided to take the plunge. Started tcc in January 2018. Had a MMC in Nov 2018, found out at the 12 wk scan that baby's HB had stopped, baby measured 10+1. Had a ERPC. Had a MC at 5+5 in March 2019. Then fell with this current pregnancy straight afterwards. Currently 16+1 and we are having a girl - over the moon and also flip between wearing my positive pants proudly to being negative nancy.

It's nice to hear all of your journeys, but so sad to hear about all the challenges we have faced as a small number of women. So happy for all of you! Xxx

Amanda81 Sat 13-Jul-19 16:38:21

Thanks @yukka. Needed those stats! Very helpful xx

rubyroot Sat 13-Jul-19 17:20:43

That's a lovely post @Yukka can't wait to hear your good news of long awaited baby x

rubyroot Sat 13-Jul-19 17:21:46

@Yukka btw I think I use chem preg to just make me feel better, though as you say a loss is a loss and it's still a miscarriage any way you look at it

moonpeace Sat 13-Jul-19 17:25:41

Thanks for the tag @InDreamland

I've been a bit quiet recently but still have that whole jinx factor thing going on..... hope to be more back in the fold soon.

Me, age 37 with one 4 yr old DS. Since ttc #2 have suffered three mcs. Currently on progesterone and Fragmin and 11.5 weeks.

Everyone on here has my full respect for being so strong and brave.

InDreamland Sat 13-Jul-19 17:29:52

Thank you for the stats @Yukka.

I just need Tuesday out of the way. It's a bad date with it being the first anniversary of passing baby#1 and due date of baby #2.

Got my booking in appointment tomorrow morning with the midwife, who knew they do Sundays! I didn't even think the community hospital was open at weekends.

Positive Pants needed!

UnicornsandRainbows1 Sat 13-Jul-19 17:43:10

Thanks @InDreamland for the tag!

I'm 29, 1 DD born last year at 32 weeks, 2 MMCs before her in '17, one MC afterwards in April '19 at 4 weeks. Currently around 11 weeks at the moment and dating scan is 22nd

Today's a bit weird. 2 years since I passed our 1st baby 2 years ago now, absolutely crazy. It's also my late grandad's birthday so... Meh.

Just hoping that this works out and trying to stay hopeful

Yukka Sat 13-Jul-19 18:01:41

@rubyroot I know what you mean as when the GP first mentioned it to me it made me feel like it wasn't a real pregnancy and therefore nothing to worry about. Which on one hand made me feel positive, but on the other hand wasn't really being completely truthful with me. I guess though GPs can't go around telling you what 'might happen' and can only deal with the 'now'. I just wouldn't want people to be fobbed off as there were a few on the sister TTC thread who's GP's seemed to be fobbing them off instead of starting the referral for RMC and they needed to be really insistful that they were referred xx

Good luck for tomorrow @indreamland - its like the spanish inquisition but so nice to get your pregnancy notes smile

Also ladies if you haven't already, and if you feel ready, start looking into Antenatal classes in your area. These are outsourced now from the NHS, and there are lots of midwives who now run smaller group sessions, but they get booked up. I know its another commitment, but perhaps do a little research and see if you can find a group that 'sounds like you' and you can book on another time.

I was in a lovely little group of 5 and we set up a whats app group, 2 of them came round yesterday with their baby girls - its a great way to meet local women and they've often had their own complications too so you can build an additional support network

There's lots of research you can do whilst waiting for the next milestone, if you feel you can smile x

sadtoday21 Sat 13-Jul-19 18:10:38

@Indreamland good luck with the booking appointment tomorrow! I've been putting mine off until I know something from the scan...just can't bear to get that blue book and have it taken away again. I really hope you find a way to get through Tuesday as well, I know that is going to be really tough, but you seem so strong to have made it this far. Sending hugs!

@Yukka thanks for the stats, you seem so positive about it all! Wish I could be more the same.

@Amanda81 thanks for the advice on temping, I think you are right - just put it away and accept that what will happen will happen. I have put down the thermometer and the hpts now! When is your next scan? Thinking of you Xxx

MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Sat 13-Jul-19 19:16:14

Just wanted to say that reading everyone's stories is amazing. Such a strong bunch of women. You all deserve your happy endings and I hope this is it for all of us!

@Yukka leading the way with the Positive Pants yet again - LOVE IT! Can't believe you'll soon have a real baby to squish! It's really not long now!

Great to hear from you @moonpeace - can't believe you're 11.5 weeks already! As always keeping all crossed for you.

@Amanda81 I wasn't aware of your back story. I think you're amazing! In awe of so many of the ladies on here!

I'm not going to bother with antenatal classes this time around, but I would recommend the Daisy Foundation to anyone looking outside of the NHS classes.

I've felt nauseous AGAIN today! When is it going to end?! Was nothing like this with DD, can't decide if it's because it's a boy or because I am just so permanently shattered having a 2.5 year old to run round after as well! DH was working today and again tomorrow so had no respite!

Sorry to those I haven't commented on individually - DD is asleep nice and I am rushing off to lay down with my book! Good vibes and positive pants to you all xxx

Amanda81 Sat 13-Jul-19 19:29:01

Aww thanks @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - it's been a long old slog and I had accepted not having children. The MD condition is truly brutal and I have seen many family members suffer an agonisingly slow demise due to this genetic flaw, including my brother at the age of 20 (which Is quite old for MD duchenne). I certainly didn't want to bring a child into this world with that kind of suffering.

The count down is on for the next scan @sadtoday21 - we fly back on the 24th and the scan is at 6pm on the 24th. I hope everything goes okay, but am mentally preparing myself for either news. I'm not sure if I'm starting to show or if it's the all inclusive???? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ are you going to do an earlier scan? Xx

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