My toaster, for one. Shits crumbs everywhere, no matter how often you clean it out. I swear it holds them back and waits for an inconvenient moment to let rip.
My hoover is a fucking clumsy twat as well. It keeps tripping over its own lead and pulling its plug out.
Anyone else got a deep hatred of their so-called labour-saving devices?
Coat hangers. Think it's fun to get themselves all into a cosy tangle inside the wardrobe and then won't be separated from their bastarding chums and actually do their jobs of hanging clothes.
My vacuum cleaner is a shit head. Literally. It has a revolving brush head that tangles up everything it touches. I hate it and need to get rid off it.
My hot water tap in the kitchen releases water in a straight line. If I open it up completely it splatters water everywhere. I need to remove a piece from the tap head I think. It’s shit.
It doesn't just beep once to tell you it's finished warming the beans up or whatever. Oh no. It beeps on and on and on until you pay it attention, even if you're halfway through taking a fucking cake out of the oven or, you know, doing something important.
My nespresso machine is a cunt. It never cleans itself, meaning that when I need coffee urgently, it always wants ME to run it through to descum it.
The kitchen aid is also a bit of a sly fucker. It sits there, looking all nice and posh, pretending to be useful, until I realize that it's easier to do stuff by hand than it is to clean the fucker after use or to buy ready made pasta instead of my grand ideas of home made stuff that tastes only a slight bit better. And it knows I'll never part with it, so it sits there just pretending. It's a right git.
My tumble dryer is an arsehole. It stops every 20 minutes whether the sheets are dry or not. 'Safety feature' apparently. Why it's got a fucking timer I have no idea, the bastard never spins for the duration.
Oh and the fridge. Making that beeping noise 'look at me, look at me LOOK AT ME!!!! You didn't bother to close me properly, so I'll sit shouting at you until you get up and CLOSE ME'
(By the way, I had an awesome typo on that. Initially I'd typed 'Andre the fridge'. Considered leaving it, but my fridges does not deserve a cool name. Cos it's a prick)
My Toaster too, It's an explosion of crumbs Door handles are always trying to prevent me from leaving and entering rooms. My kettle, It's stupid lid pops open so it needs to be supervised
It can't clean anything that's actually dirty, but it can take the transfer off a Batman glass, oh yes.
If I open the door it jizzes right in my eye - Every. Single. Time. Its aim is perfect.
And it beeps like an attention seeking tosser as well. Between that and the sodding microwave it's like being at home with toddlers again. I just shut one up and the other starts
I’ve one of those beepy microwaves too. It’s so shrill and attention-seeking, I hate it. My boiler is a grumpy bastard, I have to coax him along, and he’ll randomly stop working. Prick.
It waits until I'm ironing the last clean shirt in the house before it shits itself all over the front of it. Horrible brown limescaley shite, rendering it unwearable.
My oven is at least 40 degrees hotter than the dial suggests it is, meaning it’s a gamble how well your food will bake, sometimes the timer goes off, sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes it’s persistent and other times it’s one tiny beep. It’s BRITISH RACING GREEN, like the rest of my vile kitchen and I long for something modern & reliable in brushed chrome. Sigh.
