Household objects that are pricks

[TossDaily]

My toaster, for one. Shits crumbs everywhere, no matter how often you clean it out. I swear it holds them back and waits for an inconvenient moment to let rip.

My hoover is a fucking clumsy twat as well. It keeps tripping over its own lead and pulling its plug out.

Anyone else got a deep hatred of their so-called labour-saving devices?

yes I'm bored of cleaning now

Glass dining table was a massive fucking mistake too

And the smoke alarm can piss off with its daily criticism of my cooking. It particularly objects to pancakes for some reason.

This thread should be in relationships. It's very cathartic

My bloody car!! I had an old crock that just trundled along, coping with dodgy electrics & blown bulbs. Then I got a new one, it’s all blee blee blee, I cant possibly drive until you replace a useless sensor at enormous cost. Bitch

My fridge freezer doesn’t bleep or flash, but it doesn’t close properly either. Delicate flower - close too hard and it might bounce open (how???), not hard enough and it sneakily looks closed while freezing up.

Cocking kitchen cupboards like to throw tins of tomatos at my head like a ducked up game of dodge ball

So glad I'm not the only one with a bastard twatting printer that will print fine one minute. The next it's not connected. How the fuck has it got disconnected between one page and another?

Oh and the shitting iron that shits brown fucking water all over clean white school shirts. And I even buy it the expensive bottled frgrance water.

Twatting drier too! Why bother having a timer? It only ever goes for about 20 mins before finishing. I can put it on for 90mins but it will stop after 20 and the pissing laundry will still be wet. It will then turn the laundry round twice every 5 mins or so instead of stopping, meaning that if I forget to turn it off before bed the bastard thing will keep me awake.

Dyson handheld. Only usable on ‘max’ otherwise it’s too weak to pick anything up.

We live in a townhouse with 2 long haired cats and 2 children. I rehomed Henry as he smelt but at least he did the job! Dyson goes for 10mins then needs a 3 hour lie down.

The other irritating thing with the dyson is that the nozzle can’t work on those vacuum pack bags. So I have to either have them all huge and ugly at full size under the bed (defeating the point) or go and ask a neighbour for help! Expensive dyson bastard!

My laptop is an utter cunt.

It works fine. Lets me do a big invoice. Then goes blank. Just a black screen. It doesn't matter what I do.

I make a cup.of coffee, start googling on my phone for laptop prices, find a decent one. Then the old one goes 'surprise mofo, I'm baaackkkkk'. And works perfectly lulling me into a false sense of security so I forget to buy a new one.

Until the fucker does it again.

It knows I am too tight to spend money on a new one unless I absolutely have to. So plays with me.

Our printer is a total twat. We can supposedly print from our iPhones / iPads. Except, we can't. It used to do it, but we changed internet provider and the sodding thing took umbrage and hasn't worked wirelessly since. We now need to plug it into the laptop to get stuff printed. Utter shite.

Eddie Izzard on technology / printers explains the frustrations perfectly! 😂

I have Hetty the Hoover. I hate her and she hates me. She weighs a ton, tips over for no fucking reason and sucks so bloody hard my carpets hardly exist anymore. But my mum bought her for me. I bet she never dies. I will be stuck with her forever while she grins at me malevolently

The x-box controller. Every night I lovingly wrap it up and tuck it away on its own little shelf. Every morning the bastard gobshite has snaked itself the full length of the living room floor, defying the laws of physics to both hide, and take up space; waits for me to come downstairs and wraps its wanky grey fucking cable round my feet.

I swear the fucker moves the coffee table into my path as well, for maximum effect.

The washing machine is a lying little fucker. Says the door isnt shut... the door is definitely shut. Even if you slam the twat shut it still has to say its not closed, the controlling bastard makes you open and close it again regardless.

Also the bath mat. Apparently it soaks up water and is quick drying, who does it think its kidding, it does neither, it gets soaked through and then sits for days wallowing in its own saturation.

I have replaced bastard printer with a shiny new one in the hopes that it behaves better

Hoover is an arsehole; will Hoover one room upstairs then needs a break before it'll go again.

Oven thermostat is about 40 degrees hotter than it should be which makes cooking interesting should I forget ever.

Washing machine goes fucking mental when it spins but thankfully doesn't sing at me! It's bad enough the crazy spin and countdown timer that lies to me!

My tumble dryer is actually quite well behaved. It carries on spinning sometimes when you open the door though so you have to remember to check it's stopped or shut the door and open it again, or you risk losing an arm.

I could go on...

Another one who's tumble dryer is an arse!
Sick of the bloody thing!

And on the theme of tellies, yes I am still watching Netflix, you judgemental cock.

My telly! Its fucking psychotic! It keeps randomly turning itself off and on again.
You will be watching a quiz show for example....
Quiz master ' who won the 100 metre hurdles in the 1928 Olympics?'
Click off...click on....
Contestant. A goldfish.

It never happens in the bloody adverts, oh no, its far too fucking irritating for that.
It's mate kodi Box can take a bloody hike too.

My gas hob can join them on a bloody hike too, the brow burning twat!
And as for the bloody egg cooker! It's lucky it hasn't been drop kicked over the sodding garden fence with its fucking clucking to tell me how bloody clever it is to have boiled the eggs. Bollocks.

Best thread ever!

Very funny. Loving the cat at the printer clip and lawnmower escapades.

Got to add heinous glass cooker hood thing which occasionally head butts me to near unconsciousness when I dare look into a saucepan, it only ever does this when I'm in a bad mood / at breaking point like some sort of sadistic sport it has created to make extracting steam more enjoyable

Stupid iron board and a holier-than-thou washing machine

Kitchen utensils often conspire with kitchen drawers to be arseholes. They barricade themselves in for no reason. Bastards.

Printer

And anything that collapses: ironing board, folding chair, folding table, deckchair, clothes horse. They all want to eat me.

My dickwad of a clothes-dryimg rack. It waits until I have hung all but the last piece and then randomly collapses in on itself like a fucking bear trap.

Fucking sofa recliner, just as you think it's folded, you stand up and the cuntbungling arsehole smacks you in the back of the knees. This kicks off your old cruciate injury and you hobble for the next two days. Wanker.

Well, I've been awake two minutes and my day has already peaked

cuntbungling arsehole

You lot are funny