Household objects that are pricks

[TossDaily]

My toaster, for one. Shits crumbs everywhere, no matter how often you clean it out. I swear it holds them back and waits for an inconvenient moment to let rip.

My hoover is a fucking clumsy twat as well. It keeps tripping over its own lead and pulling its plug out.

Anyone else got a deep hatred of their so-called labour-saving devices?

yes I'm bored of cleaning now

And my new Garmin running watch. The Bluetooth connection fails every frigging day. And the cheeky cunt told me that I was "overreaching" after yesterday's run. Fuck you.

I stupidly bought an automatic bin - I have arthritis and thought a-ha! No pedal, no lid to lift, I can throw rubbish away easily and scrape plates with effortless abandon!

Oh no. The stupid fucker opens and closes randomly, except when I’m stood in front of it waiting for it to open. Then I’m tipping the scrapings over the floor as the bloody lid won’t open, or starts to open then stops. Grrrr.

My bastard hair-straighteners. They manage to straighten my hair perfectly fine if I'm just going to work or hanging out at home, but the minute I try to use them before a night out they "accidentally" give me a little flicky bit that I then can't get rid of so I go out looking like a parrot. The fuckers.

Jesus wept, the coffee machine. Refill tank. Empty drip tray. Rinsing. Descale me. Bean hopper is empty. Just fuck the fuck off and give me my caffeine.

Does anyone else's freezer do a sort of exasperated sigh every now and then? Like its got something so much more important to do than look after my food.

Oh, and the washing machine is a real passive aggressive cunt if you happen to find a single sock you missed from the wash approximately 2 seconds after you pushed the wash button.

“Open the door? No, mate, I’m committed now. More than my job’s worth to open mid cycle.”

How the bastarding hell is 2 seconds mid cycle when the fucking cycle is 2 hours 47 minutes?

My printer/scanner can fuck right off.
Picks and chooses whether it will let me scan or not.
It's shit,should have thrown it out the window a long time ago.

The tumble drier is a lazy sod, it's meant to run till the clothes are dry. It beeps to say it's done, but the clothes are still wet 90% of the time.
The printer is worse - never bloody works first time.
The washing machine is a tease, it'll tell me its got 1 minute till end of cycle for about 5 minutes! Liar.

My phone. Bastard thing ignores me half the time I turn it on, or mocks me by not turning on, waiting for me to press the on button again, and then flashing its arse homepage at me briefly before going off again.

I've warned it I'll drop it down the loo again if this behaviour continues.

My fridge doesn't beep but it's light flashes if it's been open too long. Putting the milk away is enough to trigger a seizure with all the flashing, never mind a full week's shop. It does come in handy tho when I like to pretend I'm Julia Roberts at the Oscars

Rechargeable tooth brush, a full teeth clean is beyond it's capabilities and it just downs tools mid brush

Oven: how do you like your food, undercooked or cremated?

My shower used to give me tiny electric shocks, that was rather rude of it. Still not entirely sure why it did it but it doesn't do it any more.

Oh yes, the oven. Will only cook that which is on the top shelf. As far as I can tell the numbers on the dial are for decoration only. If you dare put anything on the bottom shelf it wont even warm it. Means we need to use both ovens to cook 2 trays of food. Christmas dinner was fun last year.

And those sneaky bastard phone chargers! Who do they think they are?

You pry yourself away from MN because your phone battery is gasping for juice, you plug it in, flick the switch then sit wringing your hands for 30 mins unsure what to do with your hands. And when you go back to collect your freshly juiced phone the charger has turned the socket back off!!

our microwave.
the door opener only works if you press it just so

Lol at lawnmower.

Turning the telly on is a bastard rigmarole these days as well.

We have about five remotes, and I'm fucked if I know which does what.

If on the off chance I do manage to get the frigging thing on, you can bet your arse Netflix will decide it needs to update or there'll be insufficient bandwidth or some fucking thing.

And then all that's ever on worth watching is Friend's re-runs.

Twatting thing.

the lawnmower one - it's like you can see into my garden

My cheese grater hates me. I have scarred hands from when it's lain in wait and then suddenly pounced so I end up with a cheese and finger filled jacket spud.

My dyson handheld is a work-shy bastard. It needs a break approximately every 15 minutes. Always when I'm midway through hoovering the stairs.

I once bought a new printer because changing an ink cartridge in the one we had was such a bloody faff. Easier just to get a new one. Fucker.

Came here to find the printer hate and wasn't disappointed

My printer is a needy bastard. It needs me to sit there watching it, otherwise the minute I leave the room it snarls up, or worse, stealthily prints double-sided documents out of synch so I don't notice till I go to read it later and realise page 3 is on the back of page 27.

Evil f*cker.

Any kind of corner which you can bump into

My fridge freezer growls during the night Fucking freaks me out sometimes

Bastard iron spits black bile when I'm ironing white shirts but manages to shit white streaks onto coloured clothes. Fucker.

Drama Queen iPhone can go 15 minutes at 1% sometimes but drops from 25% to nothing . Lazy fucker.

My dishwasher passively aggressively tips over the plastic toddler cups. I know they're not as fancy as the ones you were used to, but I don't enjoy pouring scummy water out of them then washing them by hand - that's supposed to be your job.

My washing machine goes ape shit when it spins, and knocks stuff off of the draining board

My hoover refuses to work.
So i dismantle it, take out all the accumulated crap, wrestle the pieces back together and it still doesn't work.
Then it turns on but refuses to pick anything up.
Then it does for no reason and picks up a marble straight away.

Prick.

As for the phone charger. It knows how much i rely on it and uses that power to take the piss.

And the dickhead kitchen floor that is magnet for every breakable thing in the house. And it spreads bits of onion skin around the house. I found one in the kids bed once.

And the dickhead chocolate fountain
'Ooo look at my with my fountain of chocolate joy that you'll cry bitter tears over trying to clean the next day'
Shit
There are lots more but I'm going to take a break and go yell at the house