Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

Oh wow, where do I begin?

1. 10 years older, pretended he didn't realise I was a virgin, kept trying to stick his thumb into my a**sehole (after extolling the virtues of anal), and after claiming to have 'forgotten' the condoms, admitted that he'd had loads of unprotected sex and hadn't bothered to get himself checked out yet. Ugh.

2. During the one time we had sex, he kept pulling my body fat away from my sides (and I was a size 8). He loved to play WWF with his bestie. He'd never tried rice or pasta, and only liked to eat chips and burgers. He admitted he'd recently been sacked for "till operations".

3. Started out rather overweight (which didn't bother me at first), but got bigger and bigger until his boobs were bigger than mine, and eating made him sweat and lose breath. He also had a very small and wonky penis, and had a fetish for shoes. He was also bone-idle and workshy - his favourite phrase was: "can you borrow me a tenner?"

4. Only a date: he had never been to a pub before, ordered exactly what I did (plain crisps and a glass of red wine), and licked his fingers clean after every crisp.

5. Very, very bad and unenthusiastic sexual partner. Had a tiny penis. Was very short and stocky (with smaller hands than me, and I'm only 5'4"). Got angrily offended when I innocently asked if his family ever drank wine or proper drinks at get-togethers as mine do (as if I was somehow insulting them!). Was heavily into MILF porn (and clearly preferred to watch it than to attempt anything with me), and was, strangely enough, extremely close (like obsessed) with his mother.

Really nice bloke and we were getting on very well, having a lovely drink in a nice pub when he did a huge greenie sneeze all over the table. It went everywhere and clung to the surfaces like some sort of cling on gel

That was it for me

@Cameron2012

Oh shit, I've just remembered the one with the enormous penis that thought it was hilarious the whack me round the head with it when I was watching television

PMSL!!!!

Kissed with no tongue...so weird

@Ivyiris

Animal like noises during sex 🤣 put me off big time.

Did he bark, meow or just moo softly in your ear?

The guy that insisted his dog stayed in the bedroom whilst we were having sex, being licked by said dog whilst doing the deed was the final straw.

The guy that came down with food poisoning the first time we DTD and thought he could run to the loo and then pick up where he left off 🤢. Apparently he had a dodgy take away the day before and a few to many ciders.

The guy that couldn’t eat the end of sausages because they look like willies 🤣.

The guy who insisted I needed to tell him verbally when I was coming. I wasn’t allowed to simply go through the moantions, he wanted me to cry “I’m coming!” at the appropriate moment.

I gave it one try, realised that thinking about the words completely got in the way and that I could only ever do what he asked if I was faking it.

Completely ruined the whole thing. I did question why he couldn’t work it out himself and he said it was the only way he could be sure I’d orgasmed That was our final dalliance.

Didn't dry his clothes properly and they always smelled damp....

@Limitededition7inch

I broke it off with a guy who I was newly dating who wrote 'hunni' in his texts. 'Hun' makes my teeth itch as it is, but 'hunni' really did grip my shit.

YES! To me, being called 'hun'/'hunni' is almost as teeth-gratingly annoying as when people use a lower-case X instead of a full stop.

I've had a boyfriend who always called me 'babes' (urgh), another guy I went on 3 or 4 dates with who always called me 'Sexy Babe' in text messages and my birthday card (urgh!!) and another who referred to me in any way possible except my actual name. All three of them didn't care when I got annoyed and told them "I do have an actual name, you know!"

[quote AngryWhompingWillow]@Immaculatemisconception

It's a brilliant thread, that's a good enough reason for me.

This in spades! ^

Hopefully someone will start a new one as this is nearly full!!!

Don't know if it's possible to start a thread in 'classics...' [/quote]
There’s this one going if that helps…

Starting this thread and reading your stories is one of the highlights of my life.
I revisit this thread when I am feeling low.
Thankyou all for your contributions 😀

wanted me to suck his tongue, i still feel gaggy thinking about it now 20 years later

also had a micro penis it was really quite a shock, he has said he had a tiny dick before we got to it but once i actually saw it

never brushed his teeth reasoning 'i don't kiss myself'

got himself sexy underwear from the ladies section and hid it behind the radiators

This thread is hilarious. I do feel slightly sorry for the men. They can't have either a penis that is too big or too small, last too long or finish too quickly. 🤣🤣 Some real weirdos out there 😳

I was very shallow in my twenties. I broke up with not one but two guys because of their jackets, many were not remotely entertained because of their shoes.

A boyfriend signed off 'kiss!' at the end of a text message and that was the end.

Another got pasta sauce in the corner of his mouth. Goodbye.

Spotty neck was given his marching orders.

There was a seemingly never ending supply of men who were mad about me in my twenties and the biggest challenge was finding a reason to show the door so I could get onto the next romantic drama.

The joke was on me when we hit our thirties, all of my friends got married and settled down, my hilarious anecdotes became tired and dull and I realised I was incredibly lonely. I encountered weirdo after weirdo and anytime I was home seemed to bump into lovely ex boyfriends who were now married and happy.

I'm feeling quite sorry for SOME of these guys. Pleather isn't that bad and not everyone can afford leather. And tassled shoes - he probably took ages trying to look modern and hip.......

Oh come on - women do this all the time. I've even seen it happen when I was interviewing (I'm a writer) a guy for an article in case he wasn't happy with the way the interview was going.

I think I can match you!

I was dating a guy and our first sexual experience became our last as he yelled out YabbaDabbaDoo at climax.

Also, my young and shallow self dumped a boy I was dating as he had sleep in his eye and it gave me the boak.

I’ve only got one. Went on one date with a guy who was a smarmy know-it-all.
He held forth on many subjects.

At one point, he interrupted me to tell me it actually isn’t “regardless,” it’s “irregardless.”

Jackass.

@NickNacks

He had a strong regional accent and i genuinely couldn't understand most of what he said. I said pardon so many times that I'd end up nodding or smiling hoping it was the correct response.

Another zombie thread I hear you say., but my goodness I'm cringing..

@QOD

Cos he was the same height as me

Not that shallow as I'm 5 foot tall lol

We looked like bloody children

Ffs..

@Shunter350

More of a classics that can be added to as and when needed, than a zombie one

It sure brightens my evening.. if you can't laugh about sex then when can you..?

@KentMum2008 I just want you to know, if you're still on here, that I think about this post a lot and it still makes me laugh.

This thread needs to die. It's tripe

💩