Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 ··· 35 36 37 38 39 40

Original poster

Penetration man

1000 replies

Cameron2012 · 21/08/2016 20:44

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

OP posts:

Thread gallery

bringincrazyback · 30/07/2021 12:18

(hardly speaking to me and spending more time on the pinball machine,)

Ooh that just brought back memories of hopeless teenage boys I dated. Ask a girl out and then spend all evening on the pool table or the fruity because they don't know how to actually talk to a girl, I don't think so.

One guy took me to an amusement arcade on our first date. I should have finished it right there and then.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 30/07/2021 12:27

Getting frisky with a lad I'd lusted after for years I opened his jeans and he was wearing briefs with racing cars on them. There was also a definite smell of urine coming from down there.
One man I was seeing turned up at my flat with a red lipstick and told me I needed to wear it when we went on a date. He then embraced me in the communal kitchen, quickly pulled out his penis and ejaculated over my shoes and on the floor.

HyacynthBucket · 30/07/2021 12:37

Hilarious and brilliant stuff. Makes me sad for all the women like our great grandmothers, and some still today, who only found out whatever on their wedding night. At least we are not lumbered forever as can do a try-out first .

SarahBop · 30/07/2021 12:39

@SoupSpork

"I really like women with short hair as they remind me of my mother" he then went into extreme detail about how much he was attracted to me and how much like his mother I was

I went on more dates with him though, I don't know why! I broke it off when he got his head fully stuck in my bedroom window trying to climb in it

I broke it off when he got his head fully stuck in my bedroom window trying to climb in it confused confused

For some reason, this killed me

catpyjamas · 30/07/2021 12:46

One I hated his name and I could never picture myself being called Mrs name I absolutely hated.

One farted loudly and often and thought it was funny.

One had this very loud horse type laugh that made everyone in a 10 mile radius turn to look each time he did it. He laughed all the time at everything.

One said he didn't like animals (cats or dogs) and I had both a cat and a dog. He told me in such a way that it was as if he was saying 'You'll have to get rid of them because I don't like them' not that he was allergic to animals or something he just didn't like them so I had to get rid. I got rid of him instead.

One kept holding my hand. Even if I wasn't holding his hand he would still hold mine iyswim. Whether we were walking somewhere, sitting in a restaurant, driving in a car he would eat or drive with one hand and then have my hand in his other hand. Did he think it was romantic or was he trying to make sure I didn't run off?

One started talking about marriage within an hour on our first date. It was a blind date and the first time I'd met him. He seemed very desperate to get married and have children. Freaked me out. I never saw him again.

Immaculatemisconception · 30/07/2021 12:54

@SofiaMichelle

Another MN thread dug up from the annals of history for no discernible reason.

It's a brilliant thread, that's a good enough reason for me.

TheTeaCosyofDoom · 30/07/2021 13:22

19 years old, and a student in London, many moons ago. Met a Swiss guy in a night club, nice enough chap, but no spark. At the end of an evening during which he kindly plied me with drink, he drove me back to the student hostel where I was living in his Mini, and when we arrived he turned left into an unlit car park that I didn't even know existed.

Strong feeling that I was about to be pounced upon, instead he put his right hand on my right knee and began to rub it in the manner of a washer-upper trying to clean a frying pan with a Brillo pad. After a couple of minutes he said, "Is it working yet?" I already had my hand on the door handle in anticipation of being pounced upon, so 'twas but a matter of moments for me to wish him goodnight, jump out of the car and leg it around the corner, keys in hand. I still have the business card that he gave me on that evening, and I sometimes wonder what happened to N, and whether the Brillo pad technique ever worked.

AngryWhompingWillow · 30/07/2021 13:25

@bringincrazyback

(he was hardly speaking to me and spending more time on the pinball machine,)

One guy took me to an amusement arcade on our first date. I should have finished it right there and then.

Yep, I think most of us have had a 'boyfriend' like this. I had a brief relationship (2-3 weeks) when I was 19 - and he was 19 too. ALL he talked about was what fun he and his mates had got up to at school, and how many girls he had shagged, and how he had one girl every night when he had been working at a holiday camp for 2 months.

He yakked on and on and on about himself, his mates, his hobbies, his life. He didn't ask me a thing about myself. By the 5th date, I was so close to tears with sheer boredom that when date No 6 was due, I just didn't turn up.

I ghosted him. I don't think he noticed.

@HyacynthBucket

Oh yeah, you do have to try before you buy...

Anordinarymum · 30/07/2021 13:30

@Cameron2012

Oh shit, I've just remembered the one with the enormous penis that thought it was hilarious the whack me round the head with it when I was watching television

Stoppit........

I am laughing so much at this thread

JadeSeahorse · 30/07/2021 13:37

@NoCapes

Oh I have another one! A guy used to say "there you go" as he came, like it was a present for me

no thankyou

*@NoCapes* was that Hugo from Love Island? 🤣🤣🤣

Anordinarymum · 30/07/2021 13:39

I went off my boyfriend when I saw seeds in his belly button. Seeds.

AngryWhompingWillow · 30/07/2021 13:42

@Immaculatemisconception

It's a brilliant thread, that's a good enough reason for me.

This in spades! ^

Hopefully someone will start a new one as this is nearly full!!!

Don't know if it's possible to start a thread in 'classics...'

AngryWhompingWillow · 30/07/2021 13:43

@Anordinarymum

I went off my boyfriend when I saw seeds in his belly button. Seeds.

I think I just vommed a bit into my mouth then.

Muchasgracias · 30/07/2021 14:12

He had a disproportionately big arse. He was attractive, very charming, good fun…but when he turned around and I saw the size of his butt….. (He may also have been a bit too intense but I couldn’t get my head around the very big arse)

brokenbiscuitsx · 30/07/2021 14:17

@NoCapes

Oh I have another one! A guy used to say "there you go" as he came, like it was a present for me

no thankyou

Sorry @NoCapes bug 🤣🤣🤣 I just laughed out loud!!

lotusbell · 30/07/2021 14:23

About 20 years ago when I was at uni, I went to a club and there was an older guy there from one of my classes who I knew had a bit if a thing for me. He was with his mate who was a teacher and had a made up name 😏 in a poncy, arty farty way he thought he was a tortured artiste just my type at the time! I had never met him before. He took out a small notebook and wrote me this rushed, garbled 'love letter'.
I ended up agreeing to go on a date with him. I found out he lived in a tiny flat, slet on a mattress and wore vegan shoes. And that his real name was Nigel.

artquejtion · 30/07/2021 14:28

I was going out with the drummer of a band, I was the envy of all my friends and the girl fans, broke it off with him because whenever we were sitting down, he would be playing an imaginary drum foot pedal, the tapping of his whole leg drove me insane. It was the most annoying thing ever.

IdblowJonSnow · 30/07/2021 14:31

@Noshowwithoutpunch

That is fucking horrendous, what a weirdo.

This thread whilst mainly funny is actually also pretty alarming.

MyShoelaceIsUndone · 30/07/2021 14:32

At 17 I seeing a man from work and we went to McDs and he had dirty fingers nails, his coat was ankle length and had gold lining... 2 very good reasons for me to leave.

Anordinarymum · 30/07/2021 14:34

This is a bit cringe............

Years ago I had a friend from work who invited me to her flat one evening. Her boyfriend was going out with his mates. We were chatting and having a glass of wine when he appeared saying he "sacked them off'" I got the vibe he was a bit odd. He seemed very intense for the want of a better word.
The conversation very quickly turned (by him) to whether having foreskin was better or not.

He said men with foreskin were lucky because they had their own lubrication. She said "not this again 'T' ". I was a bit confused as to how you could have a discussion of a sexual nature so early on with a perfect stranger.
Anyway 'T' went to to demonstrate why a man with a foreskin was better than a circumcised man. Without any warning, he got his dick out and pulled his foreskin back to show us, and his thing was covered in white cheesy stuff.
She said "put it away now 'T' " and after a couple of awkward minutes I mentioned that I should be leaving.
At work it was never spoken about. I didn't go round to hers again after that, in fact I got moved to another department and our friendship fizzled out.

Anordinarymum · 30/07/2021 14:36

Forgot to say he said " that's your lube"

cjpark · 30/07/2021 14:38

Pencil prick - dumped
Took me to a Michael Crawford Concert WITH his mother for a first date - dumped
Was a podium dancer at weekends to earn cash while studying.. fricking hot but worn gold budgie smugglers and felt the need to perform a 'sexy dance' prior to any intimacy. Very off putting - dumped.

Benjispruce5 · 30/07/2021 14:46

Aged 15 I went to the cinema with a boy. He walked me to the bus stop after and as I was about to get on he kissed(tried to eat my face) me and walked off. I was mortified, got on the bus and resolved to finish with him on Monday at school (80s so no texting) and I did.

scoobydoo1971 · 30/07/2021 14:59

I went on a few dates with a man. His father was a pharmacist. We went back to his student flat one night. It was supposed to be a romantic clinch. He pulled out a wholesale box of condoms that his father had given him, and he said he had brought them to his University room as they were short dated (best before date on packets were expiring that year) and he thought he would be making his way through them with all the ladies he met. I suddenly got a headache and left...

Freshapples · 30/07/2021 15:02

He decided to grow his hair

Flip

1 2 ··· 35 36 37 38 39 40

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is not accepting new messages.