Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

I've told this before and still cringe.
First time I slept with a guy I'd been seeing, during sex he shouted, oh baby hear that juice......
Awful!!
I remember trying to describe to my flatmates the next day but couldn't bring myself to say the words.
Instead it turned into a game of give us a clue
We got as far as hear that....
Suggestions were zing, yellow and lemon.
I was in the kitchen miming and was pretending to squeeze a lemon to get the juice part.
Eventually I had to cover my face with a cushion and shout 'juice'

For having a tiny penis.

For having awful, stained teeth and bleeding gums.

Went back to a blokes flat and it was covered in posters of Sylvester Stallone. I mean covered. I excused myself to use the loo and when I came back he'd stripped to his large white pants and was eating a Chinese takeaway.

@NoCapes

I had a pencil willy man too, honest to god it didn't touch the sides.

Mr silent during sex, I wanted to hear him enjoy it ffs!

& several Mr Can't-get-it-up-at-alls

Then there was the weirdo who asked me to buy him an £££ Jo Malone candle on our first date & even frogmarched me to the cashpoint...

Oh, and I've just remembered Mr Oxford educated lawyer who had about 16 pairs of WAIST HIGH white y-fronts drying out on his radiators - the first time we went back to his to dtd. Killed the mood dead for me.

This is too much, I'm getting another glass of wine
😀

thespottedzebra I dumped someone for liking Roxette as well

Wonder if it was the same person? There can't have been two adult males in the world who liked Roxette surely?

A guy with completely straight pubic hair. It was so long!

I went out briefly with a Mr Pencil. It was very long and v v thin and had a freckle dead in the middle, on the tip (like it had been strategically placed with a Sharpie). Also had mild impetigo there which didn't bother me but his lies did .. he lied about EVERYTHING as it turned out.. so apparently it wasn't impetigo, it was because he'd once sunbathed naked and got burnt there and it had never recovered yes because you lived in an UNsecluded garden in Wheathampstead as a live in carer where actually you never ever had a chance to sunbathe , also the batty old woman next door would let herself into the garden anyway

Then there was the weirdo who asked me to buy him an £££ Jo Malone candle on our first date & even frogmarched me to the cashpoint

cheeky fucker, please say you didn't buy him one?

MrsGsnow18

I once dated a guy who stuffed tissues down his boxers! I never found out why, it just grossed me out to find wads of tissue in there 

Mine does that . It's to prevent leakage, apparently. Luckily for him it doesn't bother me so much.

I'm at the green underpants thing because I was forced to dump one many years ago for only half removing his green underpants whilst attempting to - erm - make an entrance! He was gorgeous too which only goes to show.
And as for pencil dick - well, I had 'torpedo' dick. Damn strangest thing I've ever seen. I still have nightmares about it now. The guy works in television and you'd probably know of him - but there's never any gossip about his love life. I can't think why

*My DP

I dated one guy who would kinda suck the saliva out of my mouth when kissing and make um umm noises like it was some godly tasting elixir. So wrong.

My most recent turn off was some telling me "I desire you". I suppose there's nothing wrong with that but as my reaction was to laugh, I thought it best not to let it go any further.

Pissing myself laughing at running out after Mr Boring with his forgotten flipper.

Guy who shouted out his own name over and over again in the vinegar strokes.

Guy who wanted to spit on my face during sex. I let him lick my face once and had to end it after that.

Awful grammar guy; I couldn't cope with his constant text messages such as "I seen it their before I left".

Guy with very hot brother. Left him for said brother

Guy with huge penis. By far the biggest I've ever seen in real life. It was too big and hurt. Plus, he was lazy in bed and seemed to think that being so well-endowed was enough.

Littledafty, I am crying imagining you trying to tell your flat mate about that!

Another one circa 1983!

Tony! Omg why did I go out with him! He had a perma tan and white blond curly hair. He was good looking, 25 to my 17/18 and sad to say in my youth I was shallow and he had an American sports car which I thought would be very cool to be driven around in!

Except he drove like a mad man and was constantly over taking and because it was left hand drive, every trip out was hair raising as I could see the cars coming from the other direction before he could as he over took the car in front! I used to wear half a cans worth or hairspray in my permed hair to avoid the windswept look!

He was all about appearance and whilst he was very generous and bought me clothes they were all dollybird clothes that would have suited a blond and at the time I was very dark and the pink frilly look just didn't suit me!

He wore a vest or t shirt and shorts all year round! It could be raining and he would be dressed for Miami beach!

It all came to an end when we went to meet a particular set of his mates in a country pub.

Tony had bought me a new pair of pink stilettos and I was wearing pink short shorts which looking back were more revealing than a pair of knickers and a pink and white top that I think may have been cropped and teamed with my curly hair piled high in a top knot I looked like a bloody show poodle!

As we go into the pub there are all of his friends. Those ridiculous high heels got the better of me and I fell over. I went flying, full on sprawled on the floor.

Naturally, one would have thought that Tony would have helped me up, but no, he was fuming, absolutely furious that I had embarrassed him in front of his mates.
it took me some time to get up as those bloody shoes were lethal and the short shorts were in danger of revealing what I had for breakfast!

I then spent a horrible evening with his equally vain friends chatting me up whilst Tony had the raving hump all evening! They all had some kind of shorts and vest combo on too!

The drive home was horrendous as Tony drove even faster and when he phoned me the next day to presumably arrange another date, I made my mum tell him I wouldn't come to the phone and that I didn't want to go out with him anymore.

I got flowers sent to the house for awhile and more phone calls to my mum and he turned up a few times and my dad had to tell him to go away and that was the end of Tony!

Dont forget your flippers

I hadn't realised there were so many pencil penises out there!

My personal favourite at the moment is the one who was not well-endowed enough to make an entrance, so did some bizarre and totally unerotic other things around my genitalia, and then asked me for "feedback". Constantly. As I was trying to hustle him out.

I've also had the "I desire you/want to penetrate you" - (as well as more than one Mr Silent) I wonder if we're just recycling all these no hopers round MN?!

Some hilarious posts on here. Let's see....... there was the guy who had a teeny tiny Willy but the clincher was that he spoke in baby talk "I wanna put my widget in you!" Revolting! Then, a very cute but extremely dim guy who honestly thought a lap top was the internet. About 3 very nice but short men who I just felt awkward and huge next to. The nicest most generous and very beautiful man who turned out to be a drug dealer. Yep, lotta frogs.

Went out with a man from my office who I really fancied. At the end of the date, went to his flat to call a cab (pre mobile phone days) or do something more interesting - he excused himself, reappeared five minutes later stark naked except for socks, arms outstretched and announced taaa daa!!

I burst out laughing and got the giggles, he showed me the front door and although we shared an office, didn't speak for the next six months. Was tricky.

Loving this thread! For having an acorn willy. It was THAT small. Ugh I shudder just thinking of it.

First date extreme nose picking in front of me
Fat white feet with very hairy toes
For being incredibly unhygienic in the toilet department ugh

Not all the same man 😂

The guy I slept with who said, "thank you for giving me the pleasure of making love to you"
He also told me that he loved me during our first date, I assumed he was drunk unfortunately he wasn't. He told me he was drinking rum and coke when it was actually just coke.

My new boyfriend and I phoned for a pizza delivery. Three days later I visited him again and the pizza boxes were exactly where they had been left, with crusts of pizza in them. I am not the world's tidiest person but even I thought that was minging.

Picked me up for a date wearing red trousers.