Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

Yep, I've had one who had a pointy big dick - painful! And he was obsessed with me biting and sucking his weird pointy nipples. Also had to make my excuses and cut the evening short when one idiot said "you're my woman now, innit?" after he bought me a drink on a first date. Sad, what's wrong with these men?

Had it's party time tattooed above his penis.

It wasn't!

Hmm I've dumped two mr 'smalls',
a boy with enormous feet when I was at school,
one who wore a whiffy jumper and asked 'am I any good in bed?' Er no.

years ago now... but bloke who kept accidentally missing his target. I'd made it clear that I was no way up for anal, but, whoops, there he went again. And he used to deliberately top up my drinks, add vodka etc, thinking it would make me more forgiving/compliant I suppose.

No pencil willies, but I did experience one with a gravity defying bend in it. Well uncomfortable.

In my teens I went out with a couple of devastatingly beautiful men, but dumped the first for turning to me when a dairy milk ad came on at the cinema and said, "Mmm, yummy". What are you, 12?

The second was gorgeous but plain dull. Stuck his hand down my pants for a nanosecond, prodded around ineffectively then said "Did you enjoy that?"

NEXT

Guy 1: His best mate was better looking
Guy 2: I'd known him for a while, great personality so I thought I'd be fine with the slightly bulgy eyes, but they got too much when they got so close to my face (feel bad about that one)
Guy 3: Another cone-shaped willy guy!
Guy 4: Another pleather jacket guy! (Who also wouldn't stop going on about his triple nationality)

Crikey, I didn't think I was shallow until I wrote this...

Also a pencil dick. Showed me round his flat, opened the (filthy) shower cubicle to see a hockey stick propped up in there, gave me a 'you know you want it' look ??!! Then offered me a bowl of ice cream which he microwaved and drank from the bowl - I never went there again.

Oh I had a nipple tweaker once. 6ft 4 and 18 stone twiddling with his own nipples . He was like a giant baby. It really put me off.

And another one was always telling me how people told him what a lovely smile he had. He used to pull this really false cheesy grin DURING sex. I must have given him so many dirty looks he eventually gave it up and saved it for the mirror.

I dated a girl (friend of a friend) for a couple of weeks but i wasnt really that keen. After we'd been for dinner and a drink, she wanted me to go back to hers but i insisted on getting a cab home. As i was getting into the cab she stripped to her pants and then ran down the high street next to the cab shouting "Hollie, come back, i love you". It was only about 9pm on a weeknight. I was mortified and the taxi driver was totally bemused.

Needless to say I didnt want to go on any more dates.

Pollyanna you've just given me a flashback! The cameraman I ill-advisedly dtd with once - "sorry - I'd have had a wank earlier if I'd known I was going to pull" (I avoid cameramen generally - I have known a lot, and all have been randy little minge monkies...)

I'd forgotten all about the Triangle Guys too - though I am glad no-one's ever felt the need to whang me round the head with their whang...

Tighty Wighties are also a passion killer, come to think of it: as was the man with whom all sexual activity had to be over and done with by 10pm, as that when when he liked to go to sleep.

I went out with an obnoxious guy who gave me many reasons to dump him (religious, wanted me as a girlfriend, despised the fact that I slept with him before marriage, basically told me I was a prostitute...I could go on)
I dumped him because he liked the Phil Collins song 'Another Day in Paradise' and I couldn't stand it. At least something made me see sense!

Funko I had Mr Jump straight up and go to bathroom man too. Made me feel like I must be dirty

Binned a guy cause he turned up at my house with a empty cake box. That's right, had brought me a cake but he got hungry on the bus to ate it. Even 18 yr old me knew you don't eat a woman's bloody cake!

I've also had a pencil willy, but one of those ones that never gets fully hard!
It's was so disappointing as I'd waited 20 years to sleep with this guy

I dated a guy who constantly fell asleep during sex, it was soul destroying. He could only manage it in the mornings and would then look like he was having some sort of seizure when he came

My favourite cum line has to be 'you're gonna make me make a mess' or 'I'm gonna make a mess' still laugh about that one

I'm sure I'll think of more. I've dated some hideous men

Oh and the guy who ate.. a lot.

So 3rd date he came to mine so I could cook for him, made lamb shanks mash veg and gravy. We skipped dessert and went to bed. Woke up a few hours later and he was downstairs eating the dessert.

Asked was he OK an he said he was hungry. Fair enough, we worked up an appetite so I made him a bed picnic, sandwich, grapes, cake and cheese.
A couple of hours later he rang me waking me up, he was in Maccys and did I want anything? It was 5am!!! He had snuck out to get macdonalds.

Mistress I don't think I have, but I hope I have and I've forgotten - there can't be more than one of them can they?! Ye Gods!

A few others from my shallow youth.

Met a guy through friends. Told me he would pick me up one evening. He was the son of a well known estate agent and property owner who was very wealthy.

He arrived on a moped with a spare helmet. I saw him out of my bedroom window and was aghast! I just could not go downstairs and meet him! Besides the helmet would have squashed my perm.

To my utter shame I cried to my dad who had to tell him that I had suddenly taken ill and couldn't come out!

I met a lovely guy at a wedding and we hit it off and spent the whole time laughing and chatting. But he was fat. Not just tubby, but bloody humungous. I was a bridesmaid and single and he was a colleague of the bridegroom. A few weeks later he managed to get my works phone number and asked me out and stupid me turned him down. We had really clicked at the wedding but I just couldn't go out with someone that fat. I am ashamed I felt that way.

Some years later my friend had some holiday photos of a trip they had away with another couple. He's a bit of alright I said looking at the hunk next to her husband. Yep! It was the fat guy who had lost all the weight!

What a fool I was.

It was like dating Christopher fucking Biggins

literally crying here.

I once dated a guy who was super-fit, a real gym bod, and obsessive about food. I am none of those, but he was excellent in bed. The killer moment came when he was coming to my flat for a Friday night in, and said he would bring a Chinese takeaway and some beers. He turned up with two low-cal Chinese style microwave meals, and two cans of lager - apparently he couldn't eat proper takeaways because he wouldn't know the nutritional content, and one can of lager each was plenty.

BYE.

Had a guy try to seduce me with the phrase "you're making me so swollen"

Oh god this thread is hilarious

Mr polite - kept asking me 'can i kiss you?' Ok..... 'Can i touch you? / Can i touch your boobs' honestly he freaked me out. Slept with him once then binned him.

Went on one date with a man then never saw him again. He had shit trainers on. Bright white cheap no name trainers. I know i'm shallow...

Tried to power through with one particularly gorgeous man a few years ago, he was the thickest person i have ever met. Bless him he was lovely (and fit!) but absolutely dumb. Conversation was impossible sex was great though

Wait shins, he shagged you while his mum was asleep in the next room AND while wearing a pair of her tights with a hole cut out for his cock? Was his surname Bates, first initial N??

Whatkndofdayhasitbeen
Bealughh!!! 😂