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The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

(986 Posts)
thesandwich Mon 31-Dec-18 19:37:11

Continuing the long running series of threads. Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!
This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here
There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!
And a few laughs and the odd cockroach or gin....

bellinisurge Mon 31-Dec-18 19:50:47

I recently visited my only surviving auntie - my late Mum's younger sister and was struck by the enforced cheeriness that my cousins (auntie's kids) were all showing.
Afterwards, when I mentioned it to my dh, he said "Yeah, that's how you were, I could tell how exhausting it was".
What a great thread this is.

Iamdanish Mon 31-Dec-18 21:34:55

So sorry. I ended up on ads after the same feelings and thoughts, see your gp.

To everybody who can relate to these feelings: I know it sounds harch, but it do get better. I felt soo relieved when my ddad died, almost did not have room to feel guilty about it. But it has taken me more than a year to process the last years of his life. Hence why I follow your tread.

My biggest regret is that I didn't step more back earlier, if that makes sense. I was always the practical one 😢 and thought I was sort of coping, including kids with problems too. I have cursed being in the middle of the sandwich.

Please step back before depression and guilt overwhelms you. Our kids have a future and should be our main concern.
I know this is very outspoken but it is so hard surviving being in the middle of that sandwich.

Best wishes for the new year.

Grace212 Mon 31-Dec-18 21:53:32

danish A lot of people are relieved when a parent passes. it's a totally taboo thing to say so of course we aren't likely to hear it outside an anonymous discussion board.

I am at mum's for 3 nights and finding it very hard work. She has said herself that she thinks I am probably feeling the strain of spending so much time here, but it's partly because no one else is around at this time of year. I really hope her friends come round next week!

MereDintofPandiculation Mon 31-Dec-18 22:00:32

For those who were following my wails on the previous thread ... DF has pneumonia. Since he refused to take his cough to a GP, it's a very good job he hit himself on the head with a suitcase and landed in hospital.

So here's hoping his increased confusion is the pneumonia, which is curable.

JaceLancs Mon 31-Dec-18 22:29:23

Just posted long update on old thread but can’t cut n paste it
Life is shit sometimes
Cockroaches to everyone

MereDintofPandiculation Mon 31-Dec-18 22:35:05

From JaceLancs

My day just got weirder
Around 3 rang ward still no sign of stroke consultant so assumed no advice re meds no discharge
At 4 nursing home rang me to say that they had had a call to say DF was being returned to them - good - but........
Discharge to assess pathway funding about to finish so they’d rung CHC assessment team who’d said tough not their problem (in a nutshell) so being discharged but nowhere to go - fab just what you need at 4 ish on NYE
I had to agree to pay LA top up and anything owing after financial assessment commenced before they would agree to let him return! DB is away till end of week so I just said whatever - totally held to ransom and will have to pay for it later
Am so angry but relieved he is out of hospital
It’s bought us a bit of time to make long term decisions but talk about caught between a rock and a hard place
At least I know DF is safe and DM is happy - will deal with shit SW on 2nd and formal complaint and all the aftermath then too
Right now I’m a G n T down, a very large margarita, couple of glasses of Prosecco and am eying up the Glengoyne in time for midnight

MereDintofPandiculation Mon 31-Dec-18 22:35:55

From JaceLancs

I don’t have any money but at £30 a week per head for hospital parking charges a £50 s week top up between 3 of us sounds better - gawd knows how DM will manage without his pension or attendance allowance - will explore options in January for her
If I did the lottery I would cross my fingers but have never been a gambler

Cockroaches to one and all

JaceLancs Mon 31-Dec-18 23:28:43

You are a star Dint - thank you for adding my update post
Happy new year everyone

pineapplebryanbrown Mon 31-Dec-18 23:35:15

Happy New Year everybody, my fellow strugglers.

Goodbye 2018 - it's been shit!

Grace212 Mon 31-Dec-18 23:51:44

waves at thigh

I had a really lovely 2018 till dad got sick.

I am going to have to go out for my usual NYE next time rather than just keep mum company, it's an annoyingly depressing night.

sorry, my whining is so shallow compared to what the rest of you are enduring...I'll shut up now!

JaceLancs Tue 01-Jan-19 00:21:00

Grace212 whining allowed here of all places
Hope things improve xx

pineapplebryanbrown Tue 01-Jan-19 00:22:07

Grace that's not true, you lost your Dad this year and you are very supportive at every opportunity.

My youngest and I drove to the river and watched the fireworks from the car in our pyjamas! Next year we are getting dressed and getting out of the car, pair of lemons.

whatever45 Tue 01-Jan-19 00:45:19

Happy New Year all. Not sure what to say about 2018, it changed my life forever and I have learnt so much. Thinking of all who are finding it tough going at the moment, you are never alone. X

pineapplebryanbrown Tue 01-Jan-19 00:50:03

Just had a good sign that this year will be better. I just found a brownie and no one saw me find it, now that's serendipity.

Grace212 Tue 01-Jan-19 08:38:05

thigh that really made me laugh! grin

Rightwayup Tue 01-Jan-19 08:42:09

Morning all reporting for duty. Please let 2019 be better for all of us

pineapplebryanbrown Tue 01-Jan-19 08:51:13

Dint how is your Dad's pneumonia? He's back in hospital after just getting out, poor chap. Infections really are a bugger in the very elderly aren't they, plays havoc with the marbles. I say to myself these days: Gaga? Peepee!

pineapplebryanbrown Tue 01-Jan-19 08:55:27

Jace it's the shit cherry on the top struggling with the costs of caring. At the hospital Dad was in you could get some kind of parking pass for frequent flyers and claim back parking costs. Does your hospital have that? Is your Dad settled back in the nursing home?

pineapplebryanbrown Tue 01-Jan-19 09:00:49

Grace glad to oblige grin

How are you feeling? How is your Mum?

pineapplebryanbrown Tue 01-Jan-19 09:03:41

Monkey it's a new year, new strength. I hope my PM to you re locations didn't get lost with my name change.

pineapplebryanbrown Tue 01-Jan-19 09:07:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pineapplebryanbrown Tue 01-Jan-19 09:16:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notaflyingmonkey Tue 01-Jan-19 09:31:44

New year's resolution from me - to stop putting my own needs last. It has not helped that I have tried to be all things to the rest of the family, as pretty much all I get in return is criticism from them. Last night I was told it's my fault they are all fat, that we live in an area nobody else likes, that they don't have friends, that we don't go the France (that one is true btw, I don't like France). Which I reckon must mean I am God, really, to have that much power over grown adults.

Last night I was so low. Really low. (A word to the wise, if you feel that way, don't try and watch Funny Cow on Amazon like I did.) Thank you for reaching out to me.

So. I binned all the chocolate, biscuits, etc that were in the house.

I have been reseaching house moves.

I have taken off my wedding ring (first time in 25 years).

Monkey the doormat was sooo 2018.

2019 is the year Monkey seizes the cockroach.

thesandwich Tue 01-Jan-19 09:46:15

Morning all!! Glad to see you all found us!
monkey sounds like you are ready to kick a@#! Go girl!
☕️☕️☕️to everyone- I am planning to seek joy in 2019. So much of 2018 was coping and waiting for s%-+ to happen.
Love the fireworks in pjs.
Courage mes amies, cockroach all!

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