The new shiny 2019 thread for anyone caring for elderly parents

[thesandwich]

Continuing the long running series of threads. Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!
This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here
There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!
And a few laughs and the odd cockroach or gin....

[yolofish]

whatever it is a consolation of sorts, simply because mum is one less 'thing' to have to cope with. Which is probably not the way to view her, because up until she became so feak and weeble we actually had a pretty good relationship, but certainly the last 8-10 years of her life saw me becoming ever more drawn in. I'm determined not to do that to my kids, I will find a nice sheltered home or something. What horrifies me is the prospect of DH parents suddenly, or even slowly, declining - I dont know what will happen there, FIL is 89 this year, MIL going to be 80. They live an hour's drive away from both their children; can't see anyone providing the sort of resource/help/care that I did for mum for them.

[Grace212]

Dint I feel for you

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Just been in to see DF. He was polishing off sausage, mash and gravy with enthusiasm, then had his, I think, first ever encounter with Arctic Roll, which he seems to feel is a Good Thing(the AR, I mean, not that he's avoided it so far).

The place isn't ideal, but I'm impressed with a few things 1) there seem to be a lot of staff around 2) the staff are friendly and introduce themselves wherever you bump into them 3) Dad has been getting really upset that their tick list of medicines is in alphabetical order, whereas the one he is used to working with in is on "clinical need" (as in - however messed up you are today, get at least these 4 into you) ... and they're already re-ordering their list into his preferred order 4) they're spot on with the photo they've used on his name plaque. I suppose no 4) is sensible in that it's a visual clue to all staff as to whetehr they're dealing with the obsessive engineer or the fanatical football fan, and 2) helps them to get the approval of relatives for the CQC reviews.

[Grace212]

Dint they sound good

what's the thing with the photo?

Glad he enjoyed his Arctic Roll

[yolofish]

dint that all sounds really positive - but remember, it's a shock in itself for you, be kind to yourself lovely xxx

[MereDintofPandiculation]

what's the thing with the photo? They all have their names on their door, on a big plaque with a photo underneath. There seems to be an attempt to relate the photo to the person, which I realise is not just a nice gesture, it makes good sense. Firstly by reminding the staff of the history of the person, so they can win brownie points in the audit process for "treating me like an individual", and secondly to help those who are finding it hard to read to recognise their own room from the picture under the name.

I arrived just after photo delivery to my father and the care home manager in deep conversation about engineering (largely he conversing, she listening) - but since she's married to an engineer, she probably didn't find this as daunting as a lot of people would.

Thanks, all, for your support. I needed the sympathy! It seems so selfish to feel disgruntled about the opportunity to give my father the care he needs.

[yolofish]

no dint it's a big change for all of you, and there will be different pressures. Hopefully, he will not fall over - or if he does, you wont have to spend the night on the floor - but fingers xd for you all that this works out. Having said that, my mother managed to fall over in 2 out of the 3 care homes she was in - I think probably deliberately.

[thesandwich]

dint the staff etc sound v good- nowhere is ideal but what you have said it sounds far better than ones I’ve seen......
Please use this as a chance to recharge.
cockroach all.

[Grace212]

Dint

one of the worst things about this whole elderly parent thing is the sheer number of bizarre feelings that arise. Well it has been for me. A lot of the things I have thought, I find myself thinking "that's not me at all".

it's so unsettling. And you must absolutely exhausted. I hope you get a chance to relax tonight

[MereDintofPandiculation]

We need a new thread - we're getting close to the 1000 post limit. So I've started one here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/elderly_parents/3533423-The-second-new-shiny-2019-thread?watched=1