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Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

(441 Posts)
thesandwich Tue 04-Apr-17 09:54:01

Continuing the long running threads for anyone juggling elderlies and everything else. Loads of wisdom, support and the odd laugh...
How are you all doing?
How is everyone coping with the extra teens with exam challenges?

Unmanned Tue 04-Apr-17 11:58:49

Typed a long post then promptly lost it as other thread was full!

So just hoping all from other thread are all ok flowers

Badders123 Tue 04-Apr-17 12:10:18

Hello.
Ds1 will be starting his gcses next year....<wobble>
Taking mum to copd nurse this afternoon
Dh away with work again...I seem to spend my life hoping for as little drama as poss atm!

thesandwich Tue 04-Apr-17 13:09:42

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/elderly_parents/2734415-Caring-for-elderly-parents-Drop-in-for-support-hand-holding-and-whatever-you-need
Link to previous thread- unmanned how are you doing? Badders hope you are all fully recovered.
Things calm here with DM atm...... we are away for a week over Easter so vainly hoping db's might step up..... ooops just saw a pig fly past.... DM might realise how much I do if I'm not around( whoops just saw another one.....)

Badders123 Tue 04-Apr-17 13:15:10

Hello sandwich
I always think that re mum too..
She is away with my brother for 5 days after easter so I will get a break then at least!

cometseekers Tue 04-Apr-17 14:37:59

Hi all off to do my 400 mile trip to sort dm out. Oh joy no siblings here so down to me.

thesandwich Tue 04-Apr-17 16:01:23

Sorry comet- it must be tough handling it all on your own. How is she doing?

Badders123 Tue 04-Apr-17 16:09:22

Sounds tough comet 😞
5 days isn't much but at least it's something!

CaveMum Wed 05-Apr-17 16:07:45

Placemarking.

Haven't seen MIL for a few weeks as I've been putting my feet up (T-minus 10 days till due date!) but DH has been popping in every weekend to check up on her.

We've got a flooring guy and cleaner booked to go in and give her house the once over in the next few weeks so that we can get the place rented out. Hopefully it will let quickly (3 bed house in very desirable city centre location so we're told it should be snapped up) and then we won't have to keep paying all her bills out of our savings.

Pinkkahori Sat 08-Apr-17 23:37:34

I'm new to this bit of MN. Glad to have found it. Struggling with very ill dad and could do with a chat. Would I be better to start a new thread or post here?

thesandwich Sun 09-Apr-17 08:50:40

Hello pink post away. Sorry you have had to find this bit of mn. 🌺

Pinkkahori Sun 09-Apr-17 11:03:08

Thanks sandwich. Difficult to know where to start really. We very nearly lost Dad a couple of months ago. We said our goodbyes and to some degree had made our peace with it. Then he unexpectedly rallied and is still hanging on. He is like a shell of himself and it is heartbreaking. Everyone says we should be grateful for the time we have with him but he is gaining nothing from it. His mind comes and goes. His mood is very low, he is angry and scared. There is no hope of recovery but also impossible to know how long he has left.
We would love to do something to improve his quality of life but there doesn't seem to be anything he enjoys anymore.

thesandwich Sun 09-Apr-17 15:04:42

I'm sorry pink. It is so hard watching someone suffer. Do you have support from a hospice or Macmillan? Our local hospice does a wonderful job with day care and respite and making things easier for patients and families. Where is your df? 🌺

Pinkkahori Sun 09-Apr-17 15:45:01

Thanks sandwich. He is at home at the moment. Under a palliative care team who really are lovely. He has been in for respite care but being away from home unsettles him.
Physically he isn't suffering too much but the emotional pain and mental anguish are awful to see. No amount of medication seems to help and he is beyond being able to talk about it.

thesandwich Sun 09-Apr-17 17:12:40

I am so sorry. Would a visit from a minister or priest/ elder type person give him any comfort- regardless of his faith or lack of it?or would that be the last thing he would want? Or could someone like that help you?
It is so hard.

Unmanned Sun 09-Apr-17 18:25:02

Hi pink
As sandwich said it is really hard to have someone you love going through this. My mum gets scared and angry but all I'm able to do is just be there for her and it never feels as though i'm doing enough.

Would music or reading to him help at all? Thinking of you flowers

Verticalvenetianblinds Sun 09-Apr-17 18:35:01

How many of you have those help line alarm thingys? My mums about to have an op and I've been looking into it

Unmanned Sun 09-Apr-17 18:47:59

Hi vertical we have one mum only used it once but it's good to know it's there if you see what I mean

Badders123 Sun 09-Apr-17 18:50:02

I'm so sorry pink
I wish I had some advice but I guess all you can do is be there. How hard for you all 💐
Mum has had her cardiology appt which was a bit pointless really
I couldn't go as I was still recovering from norovirus and I was very worried about visiting a hospital just in case
So my friend took her and she basically just sat there whilst the dr talked at her then came home and complained he was horrible!!
Sigh
Anyway, all tests ok and he wants to put her back on statins (she had a bad reaction to them so dr took her off them)
Back to dr on Tuesday so we shall see
She is going away for 5 days to the seaside with db and sil and dn in a weeks time but I can tell she isn't well ATM...
She can't walk far and we have to go quite slowly. She is also now worrying about being taken ill on holiday - she said "I don't think x and x would cope if I was taken ill"
🤔
Well, I can't be with her 24/7 😞
My sister has issues of her own tbh...she has just been put on beta blockers for high bp
Mum came for lunch today and hopefully ds2 and I are taking her to town tomorrow
for an hour
I am so looking forward to her going away and I feel so guilty 😞

Unmanned Sun 09-Apr-17 19:00:46

Oh badders please don't feel guilty!! I AM with mum 24/7 at the moment (4 weeks today not that I'm counting!) and I would give my eye teeth for her to go away for a few days holiday!
and ok yes I feel guilty for saying that

Badders123 Sun 09-Apr-17 19:02:05

😊
How are things? Is your mum comfortable?
She is very lucky to have you x

Unmanned Sun 09-Apr-17 19:09:43

She has good days and bad days. Nurses are amazed she's still here lol.

They took her driver away last week it lasted less than 24 hours before I begged them to put it back in due to her anxiety which really scuppers her breathing.

She says she wants to go now but her brain won't let her! Body is failing her, struggles to breathe when turned for personal care etc. such a cruel disease sad

Pinkkahori Sun 09-Apr-17 19:27:13

Thanks again sandwich. He has COPD and heart failure. His low oxygen leads to confusion and he may also be in early stages of dementia. His hearing and concentration are poor so while he had comfort in religion in the past I don't think he is able to engage at all now.
Hi to unmanned and badders. Thanks for listening. It really does help to let it out.
I'm going to read back through the thread when I get some time so that I am able to give support as well as take.

Unmanned Sun 09-Apr-17 19:28:38

Oh pink hello to fellow COPD carer xx

picklemepopcorn Sun 09-Apr-17 19:39:53

Totally failed to realise the last thread was full. Hi everyone! I'll read and catch up on how everyone is shortly.

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