Are you allowing teenage DC into friends houses?

(182 Posts)
Serendipity09 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:28:08

I'm not. A walk outside, yes.
DD's friend and her parents aren't happy that we won't let DD go round for the afternoon. DD understands, and doesn't want to anyway.
They're not at same school so aren't 'mixing anyway'.
I shouldn't be feeling bad about this, right?

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NaturalLight Sat 14-Nov-20 11:29:16

Are you in England?

Serendipity09 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:30:14

Yes!

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Tuliptulip Sat 14-Nov-20 11:32:14

We’re in lockdown - no one should be going to anyone’s house!

Serendipity09 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:35:12

Tuliptulip

We’re in lockdown - no one should be going to anyone’s house!

I agree! Which is why we said a definite no, even though DD came to us saying she thought no too.
Don't understand why friends are being funny with us when we're just following the rules!

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Danglingmod Sat 14-Nov-20 11:36:33

WTAF? I properly despair.

Human beings are being so hateful at the moment. So fucking selfish.

ED47 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:37:32

I've just had a similar discussion with teenage DD. She's arranged a socially distanced walk with her best friend. It's raining so she's now been invited to her house instead. They sit together most of the day at school and on the school bus, so any possible infection would already have been passed on. I've still said no though and am therefore the meanest mother in the world hmm

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Serendipity09 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:39:05

Danglingmod

WTAF? I properly despair.

Human beings are being so hateful at the moment. So fucking selfish.

I do agree.

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SuperLoudPoppingAction Sat 14-Nov-20 11:39:17

Socially distanced outdoor walks here too. DC seem fine with it, although I've had to invest in thermals for them.

Lululatch Sat 14-Nov-20 11:40:30

No. They can meet a friend for a walk / bike ride. It’s a shame for all of us if the weather is rubbish but it doesn’t change anything. Teen dc haven’t asked - I think their friends all seem to be obeying the rules

Serendipity09 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:40:35

ED47

I've just had a similar discussion with teenage DD. She's arranged a socially distanced walk with her best friend. It's raining so she's now been invited to her house instead. They sit together most of the day at school and on the school bus, so any possible infection would already have been passed on. I've still said no though and am therefore the meanest mother in the world hmm

Thankfully DD agrees with me and is happy just to walk in the rain. But then my DD and her friend don't go to school together.

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Wowbetidethetide Sat 14-Nov-20 11:43:13

No I'm not. Stand your ground, you are doing the right thing. Life is utterly crap for teens during this pandemic, it has swung a wrecking ball in to their education, social lives, and their newly won or expanding autonomy, but it's not about what individuals want ATM, it is about collective need, and that's not a bad mind-set for them to have to grapple with at this stage in their lives (well to my mind anyway).

Serendipity09 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:46:05

Wowbetidethetide

No I'm not. Stand your ground, you are doing the right thing. Life is utterly crap for teens during this pandemic, it has swung a wrecking ball in to their education, social lives, and their newly won or expanding autonomy, but it's not about what individuals want ATM, it is about collective need, and that's not a bad mind-set for them to have to grapple with at this stage in their lives (well to my mind anyway).

Thank you. I know we're doing the right thing, I was just a little bewildered and the hostile response we got for saying no!

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SuperLoudPoppingAction Sat 14-Nov-20 11:48:24

Maybe the response is due to misplaced guilt?
People don't like the implication they're doing something wrong, maybe?
Nothing you can do about that though tbh.

Christmaspud20 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:49:16

My ds doesn't as we live too far from his mates so doesn't anyway.
But all his other mates are Sleepovers and everything. One had a birthday bash last night, ds showed me their Insta. 5 mates and the birthday boy all gaming eating pizza. They're all in same class at school so the parent said it's fine

Pipandmum Sat 14-Nov-20 11:50:10

Goodness even my 17 year old very much in love son and his girlfriend are respecting this rule.

HelenaJustina Sat 14-Nov-20 11:50:21

@SuperLoudPoppingAction my DSis definitely has this, she cannot stand the implication that she is in the wrong and makes me out to be overly cautious instead.

Muchtoomuchtodo Sat 14-Nov-20 11:51:18

We’re not. They’re going out biking with a couple of friends but nothing indoors other than school.

We’re in Wales if that makes a difference,

itsgettingweird Sat 14-Nov-20 11:51:36

No you're being sensible.

I have a support bubble - ds and I were meant to visit today but friend unwell.
So we are staying home.

Cases in my town are rising. I have no doubt it's connected to the number of young people I see carrying sleeping stuff to each other's houses at the weekend having sent all day mixing in non ventilated schools with 1000's of people.

Serendipity09 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:52:12

Christmaspud20

My ds doesn't as we live too far from his mates so doesn't anyway.
But all his other mates are Sleepovers and everything. One had a birthday bash last night, ds showed me their Insta. 5 mates and the birthday boy all gaming eating pizza. They're all in same class at school so the parent said it's fine

Oh my goodness!

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Serendipity09 Sat 14-Nov-20 11:52:45

Pipandmum

Goodness even my 17 year old very much in love son and his girlfriend are respecting this rule.

Good on them smile

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MrsBrunch Sat 14-Nov-20 11:53:43

Why do so many people think these rules are optional.

Are they stupid or just selfish? I can't decide.

tiredteenmother Sat 14-Nov-20 12:18:22

I've name changed. You won't get anyone on Mumsnet saying they do but IRL I don't know anyone who isn't.
DD (15) was in a right mess last year. Self harm, depression, suicidal thoughts. It was bad enough that we actually got CAHMS support because she's was assessed as posing a real and significant risk to herself.
She's a lot better now, largely because of therapy, medication, being back at school and a group of lovely friends. These friends are meeting at houses. Not in big groups- just the friendship circle of 4 people from school in one room or a garden room or a conservatory. One dad put up a big gazebo in the garden with a heater.
Frankly I'm not telling her that her friends can see each other without her when they spend all day together. I understand why the rules are in place. I'd rather her friends weren't doing this as it puts me in an awkward position, but as they are I'm not prepared to risk my daughters mental health by making her stay in.
Frankly her friends and her parents are the cautious ones. Her insta is full of kids playing computer games in each other's bedrooms, sleeping over, meeting in groups of kids who aren't at school together. It seems to me that a significant number of parents of teens have decided to make different choices and whilst I don't approve I also don't feel the frothing anger I see a lot on Mumsnet. Those of you with polite homebody teens with no behaviour challenges- congratulations on keeping your compliant children home. For a large number of other parents this has become a challenge to decide "what will cause my child the greater harm?"

DontCallMeBaby Sat 14-Nov-20 12:20:37

16yo hasn’t even asked. It’d be no if she did, but I suspect she won’t (friends and their parents are relatively sensible, and her closest friend’s parents are SUPER cautious).

The friend she walks to school with steps inside when she calls for her though. It took her until yesterday to realise that’s against the rules.

MrsBrunch Sat 14-Nov-20 12:22:30

'You won't get anyone on Mumsnet saying they do but IRL I don't know anyone who isn't.'

There's loads of posters on mumsnet crowing about 'bending' the rules because they're so special and loads of other posters egging them on.

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