Are you allowing teenage DC into friends houses?

[Serendipity09]

I'm not. A walk outside, yes.
DD's friend and her parents aren't happy that we won't let DD go round for the afternoon. DD understands, and doesn't want to anyway.
They're not at same school so aren't 'mixing anyway'.
I shouldn't be feeling bad about this, right?

[TicTacTwo]

And for those who ‘haven’t had anyone round since March’ that doesn’t make you morally superior, it makes you antisocial (unless you’re vulnerable of course).

Tier 1 area, able bodied and good weather means that socializing outdoors hasn't been hard until relatively recently tbh

I didn't say it to be miserable or antisocial. The question was are your teens socializing in each other's houses and they haven't been as circumstances mean that they have other choices.

[ragged]

mmm.. DS went to someone's house recently. Waited for the friend to get work uniform and then friend's mum drove them (4 minutes) to the chippy they both work at.

DS has almost daily classes with friend at 6th form.
They would hang out doing homework together in the 6th form assembly hall (rule of 6) or outside on streets (if turfed out like 6th form did for first few weeks)
They road the bus back to town together.
They work the same shifts at take away.
I can't see that waiting at the house or the car lift was big risk.

I'm not going to tell him not to do it again.

[quelquechose]

Jesus wept, this attitude is why the numbers in UK are out of control.

If it is okay to go to other people’s houses, why doesn’t the guidance say that?

It’s extra time indoors together, with siblings, with parents, in someone’s home which may be covered in virus.

Going to someone’s house increases the risk of transmission which is why we are told not to do it. It’s not that hard to not socialise indoors for a few weeks. Your DCs are still in school, they don’t have to mix in their homes outside school for social interaction ....:

[delightfuldaisy19]

No - but dd has been out for a run with 3 friends today. Not allowed, I know, but they did plan and try to run it two sets of two (although they failed miserably and basically ran in a group of 4).

At least they were outside.

[ifonly4]

No, there are restrictions for a reason. She's in a lot more now, so actually going out in the fresh air for exercise with a friend (she's decided she'll only do it with one) will do her good.

[Hoppinggreen]

Except when it’s not a few weeks because we’ve been in local measures for months and will probably be in Tier 3 when the national lockdown lifts

[ChasingRainbows19]

My relative is a primary TA. The kids have been happily chatting about sleep overs and parties with each other in each other’s houses. Two weeks post half term and the bubbles are popping all over, staff are coming back positive. My relative is now isolating. School is really struggling to stay open.

So all those people who justify it because they are all in school together are seriously helping to spread it not just amongst the kids but to wider family members and so on.

[quelquechose]

@Hoppinggreen, sounds like there has been a lack of compliance with local measures or things would have improved. Your DC is not socially isolated. In your household’s case it hasn’t been a few weeks, it’s been zero weeks as it sounds like you haven’t complied at all.

[quelquechose]

What is the point of the experts advising the govt on appropriate strategies to reduce the cases of COVID if everyone is just going to make their own decisions and justify it? May as well just not bother with any guidance as it won’t work if we don’t all comply and take some inconvenience for the sake of our communities.

[ChasingRainbows19]

@TicTacTwo Greater Manchester had about 3 weeks when people could come inside. We’ve been in restrictions since July. I don’t have anyone in my house. I’m not superior, I’m definitely not anti social but I can meet my friends and family outside for walks and chats. I can see them safely and not put them at any risk. It’s being responsible in a global pandemic and living in an area where it’s high and hospitals very busy.

[TicTacTwo]

Probably trying to win the "competitive misery" competition.

Dd had some sessions at school in June/July and works at the same place as her best friend on weekends so isn't miserable at all.
She's also lucky enough to live in a place where it's easy to find a field or playground where it's quiet enough to hang out away from adults and siblings at home. Being in Sixth Form means that she can socialize outdoors in free periods while it's light
Plus this was a Tier 1 area so she could meet up with friends for a McDonalds, stroll
around the shops or natter over coffee which is only different these days because of the Track and Trace/mask requirements.

She has missed bigger outings like theme parks and her group are considering the possibility of a group holiday after exams next year but she's busy this school year and far from miserable.

[TicTacTwo]

[quote ChasingRainbows19]@TicTacTwo Greater Manchester had about 3 weeks when people could come inside. We’ve been in restrictions since July. I don’t have anyone in my house. I’m not superior, I’m definitely not anti social but I can meet my friends and family outside for walks and chats. I can see them safely and not put them at any risk. It’s being responsible in a global pandemic and living in an area where it’s high and hospitals very busy.[/quote]
I am sympathetic to those who struggle with the restrictions and thankful to people who do their small part to help the overall situation.

I felt defensive being called superior/miserable when circumstances mean that it's not as hard for my family as it is for others. For example my children are teens so I don't need someone to help with childcare indoors.

[Wowbetidethetide]

I understand perfectly well, I just don’t think what we are doing poses a risk

So your teen and friend don't use public transport to get to school? They don't use separate lavatories? They never pass classes from other years in a corridor or touch a door used by them ?
I'm not sure having an entire school year "bubble" together is particularly reassuring tbh. If you think of all of those individual families visiting the places mentioned (and those are the ones that follow the rules and stick to necessary trips out). What if all of the pupils in that year group allowed someone "extra" in their homes?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those nutters who judges or reports, I hate that sort of thing, and I understand how difficult life is for teens now, and how sometimes sensible compromises have to be made (if teen suicidal or something). But I happen to think it's important to stick to principles right now. And to teach our teens that (without sounding too heavy) sacrificing your own pleasure for the sake of others is sometimes necessary. And I don't understand why, if two teens are at school in the same classes and supposedly joined at the hip all day, it is a necessity to see one another outside of school too. It isn't really is it?

[Wowbetidethetide]

A necessity for them

[Hoppinggreen]

wowbetide I am not giving details or drip feeding but something you mention in your post certainly does contribute to our decision.

[PiccalilliChilli]

DD (14). sits on the wall at the front of her friend's house and chats with her mate who stands in the doorway about 1.5m away.

Being a teen right now is utter shit.

[Wowbetidethetide]

@Hoppinggreen

wowbetide I am not giving details or drip feeding but something you mention in your post certainly does contribute to our decision.

Ah well that does cast a different light on things. And I am genuinely sorry to hear it. Many teens are going through similar issues. Without going in to too much detail, we are dealing with intermittent anger and depression and weight loss here, for example. But you know your child best.

[NotAKaren]

The attitude of 'what's the big deal if I do x because someone else does y' is exactly why we are in this mess. Those who break the rules in lockdown are also likely to do the same thing with other restrictions. So 'the rule of six' is stretched to 10 because DC are in bed and someone's in the shed or some nonsense. The sad thing is because of this our DC suffer due ongoing interruptions to their education will will impact them for years to come.

[pasanda]

DD16 has been in her bed in her bedroom in the dark all week. After having taken an overdose on Monday just gone.
She is self isolating this week so this, plus half term, plus week in college, week online means she will have no social interaction with anyone other than her family for 4 weeks.
As it is she has had only 3 weeks in college. No social areas are open so no chance to make any new friends. It's in to college for lessons then straight back home.

She wants to see a friend tonight.

She will be going.

Her welfare is more important than anyone else's right now.

[SansaSnark]

If you have another teen in your house, the risk is not between your teens, it's the fact that the person coming into your house is exposed to you and your family and vis versa.

Say you have coronavirus but are currently asymptomatic. Your child hasn't currently caught it from you yet, but they bring over another teen. The teen catches it from you but is asymptomatic. They go home and pass it on to their parent. You get symptoms and test positive- the teen might isolate (after potentially 3-4 days of going to school etc) but the parent won't. They go out to work, and infect someone else, and it helps keep the virus spreading.

Equally, say the teen has coronavirus and is asymptomatic. Now, you might expect that your child would catch it from them regardless, but transmission doesn't always work like that. Say your child had an asymptomatic case a month ago and has immunity. But you didn't catch it and their siblings didn't, so when the teen comes into your house you all get infected. Until you start to show symptoms five days later, you don't realise anything is wrong, and you've all being going about your daily lives, infecting more people.

By not having them in the house, you increase the degrees of separation between you and them, and transmission is slowed.

Schools are also tracking cases and telling people to isolate. A teen who's been to your house and knows it's illegal may not admit to where they have been. So you may not be "officially" told to self isolate. In this circumstance some people will (have to) carry on with their daily life as normal.

Unless the teens are coming over when no-one else is present, you are fully ventilating the rooms and disinfecting all surfaces, then it does represent an increased risk.

That's not to get into whether it is right or wrong, but I think some people's perception of the risk is off, because they are assuming that both their child and the friend would get ill at exactly the same time anyway.

[Vargas]

Sansasnark - yes, that is true, but I would assume they would both get ill at the same time if they are a couple, given that they are probably holding hands at the very least? Also, in the case of one of them testing positive there would be no need to lie about being in each other's houses, the school would tell them to self-isolate just because they hang out together at school.

I wouldn't argue that they aren't actually breaking the rules, but the risk of larger transmission does still seem fairly minute (compared to friends meeting up in larger groups).

[Bookrat]

pasanda so sorry to hear about your daughter. for both of you

[MrsBrunch]

@Vargas

Sansasnark - yes, that is true, but I would assume they would both get ill at the same time if they are a couple, given that they are probably holding hands at the very least? Also, in the case of one of them testing positive there would be no need to lie about being in each other's houses, the school would tell them to self-isolate just because they hang out together at school.

I wouldn't argue that they aren't actually breaking the rules, but the risk of larger transmission does still seem fairly minute (compared to friends meeting up in larger groups).

The point is, they might not get ill at all but they can still pass it on to each other family, who go to shops, work, care for others, etc.

We can't eradicate the risk but we can and should be doing everything we can to minimise it. That means no socialising indoors outside of school.

[AlexaShutUp]

I'm really surprised at how many parents are ignoring the rules with regard to their teens. My 15yo dd understands the rules and hasn't asked to break them. As far as I know, her friends are complying with them too.

She isn't worried about getting the virus herself, but she doesn't want to pass it on to someone else who might be vulnerable.

[timeforanewstart]

No , ds is meeting a friend for a run once a week