Are you allowing teenage DC into friends houses?

[Serendipity09]

I'm not. A walk outside, yes.
DD's friend and her parents aren't happy that we won't let DD go round for the afternoon. DD understands, and doesn't want to anyway.
They're not at same school so aren't 'mixing anyway'.
I shouldn't be feeling bad about this, right?

No, following the rules here too and they understand why. They know some are being selfish and breaking them.

We are never going to loser cases whilst people think they are above the rules, let children/teens mix etc.

PS I should add sons girlfriend has MH issues and largely absent parents and he appears to be her entire support system which I also factored into my decision.

@MrsBrunch

'You won't get anyone on Mumsnet saying they do but IRL I don't know anyone who isn't.'

There's loads of posters on mumsnet crowing about 'bending' the rules because they're so special and loads of other posters egging them on.

Not crowing. Feel I'm in an impossible position and am making the best choice I can. Really wish her friends weren't doing this but they are and I'm managing it the best and safest way for my daughter. When you've had to replace all your child's bedding because the blood from the self harm won't come off then you can tell me that I'm making the wrong choice.

I did let DD's best friend in our house the other night to use our toilet. They were on a walk and our house was much closer when she needed a wee. I know that was breaking the rules but I'm not turning away a kid who needs the toilet!

@OptimisticSix

Yes to DS and his girlfriend as they sit together all day at school, get the train together (and generally are rarely out of each others space Mon-Fri and although they are sensible I imagine they still hold hands etc, they are very co-dependent) but no to the other children who would be seeing people not in their school bubbles. They are just staying in unless at school and are fine with it. DH and I are not seeing other people either.

Do you actually not understand why school pupils shouldn't mix out of school even though they mix in school or do you just think you can make your own decisions and don't have to follow the rules?

I'm genuinely interested because everyone, literally everyone who breaks the rules, has an excuse which they think is good enough.

Tiredteenmother fwiw I think you've totally made the right choice. Covid is not the only risk in our lives. I'm glad your DD is better, sounds like she has a fantastic network around her.

No. Not at all.
They meet with classmates outside or bike rides.

@MrsBrunch would like to know why? Not being sarcastic just genuinely want to know why it makes a difference what setting they are in? (In/out of school)

The parents' hostility is puzzling OP. Maybe they are covid deniers. There are some people who use this idea to rationalise doing whatever they want during the pandemic. Selfish and short-sighted, or possibly entitled and arrogant - the rules do not apply to them after all.

Mrsbrunch, why is it a problem for a couple who go to school together, and sit on a train together, and presumably are in very close contact, to see each other in each other's houses outside of school? Genuine question.

And tiredteenmother - I think you are doing the right thing.

For a large number of other parents this has become a challenge to decide "what will cause my child the greater harm?"

I totally get what you are saying and why you are allowing your dd to mingle prudently with others. Mine are very subdued, and are withdrawn but have occasional angry outbursts. And I've asked myself the same question. But I have come up with a different answer to those letting their teens mingle (I'm not aiming this post at you specifically Tiredteenmother. Raising teens is challenging at the best of times).

I personally think that what will cause my teens greater harm is one of their parents or close relations dying.

Or this pandemic continuing for five years or more so that the economy is totally shot beyond repair.

And before everyone leaps on me and says that last point is ridiculously pessimistic, in September IAG (parent company of British Airways) said that it did not expect passenger demand to return to 2019 levels until 2023 at the earliest. Admittedly that was before the recent vaccine breakthrough, but I am assuming they have good analysts who take that sort of thing in to account.

In other words, the lives of our teens could be ruined even more fundamentally than they are now, if we, and they, don't make the sacrifices now, and this pandemic is allowed to run on and on, destroying their future livelihoods in the process.

I'm not letting my 10 and 14 year olds socialise indoors although they both have indoor sports classes after school.

However, I'm very very much in the minority. Nobody has been in our house since March except us.

why is it a problem for a couple who go to school together, and sit on a train together, and presumably are in very close contact, to see each other in each other's houses outside of school? Genuine question

Presumably because a group of teens are more likely to infect the residents of the household and vice versa, as opposed to one solitary teen. And if those teens have siblings doing the same thing, then the risk is multiplied again ... ? Not sure? (Genuinely would like more evidence but I am not sure it is out there yet.)

Yea of course

@tiredteenmother

I've name changed. You won't get anyone on Mumsnet saying they do but IRL I don't know anyone who isn't. DD (15) was in a right mess last year. Self harm, depression, suicidal thoughts. It was bad enough that we actually got CAHMS support because she's was assessed as posing a real and significant risk to herself. She's a lot better now, largely because of therapy, medication, being back at school and a group of lovely friends. These friends are meeting at houses. Not in big groups- just the friendship circle of 4 people from school in one room or a garden room or a conservatory. One dad put up a big gazebo in the garden with a heater. Frankly I'm not telling her that her friends can see each other without her when they spend all day together. I understand why the rules are in place. I'd rather her friends weren't doing this as it puts me in an awkward position, but as they are I'm not prepared to risk my daughters mental health by making her stay in. Frankly her friends and her parents are the cautious ones. Her insta is full of kids playing computer games in each other's bedrooms, sleeping over, meeting in groups of kids who aren't at school together. It seems to me that a significant number of parents of teens have decided to make different choices and whilst I don't approve I also don't feel the frothing anger I see a lot on Mumsnet. Those of you with polite homebody teens with no behaviour challenges- congratulations on keeping your compliant children home. For a large number of other parents this has become a challenge to decide "what will cause my child the greater harm?"

I hear you. DD is actually under CAHMS too for anxiety. Hence me trying to encourage her to go on walks. None of her other friends are having meetings at houses. I would feel very awkward if that was the situation. Or if she wanted to go.

@Vargas

Mrsbrunch, why is it a problem for a couple who go to school together, and sit on a train together, and presumably are in very close contact, to see each other in each other's houses outside of school? Genuine question.

And tiredteenmother - I think you are doing the right thing.

Because the more contact they have the higher chance they have of spreading it. Especially if all parents think it's ok.

The only reason schools are open is because the children need and deserve an education. That is why schools are an exception to the stringent distancing rules for the rest of society.

It doesn't mean that these children can all mix outside of school as well and especially in each other's houses. The rest of the time they are subject to the same restrictions as everyone else.

@Wowbetidethetide

why is it a problem for a couple who go to school together, and sit on a train together, and presumably are in very close contact, to see each other in each other's houses outside of school? Genuine question

Presumably because a group of teens are more likely to infect the residents of the household and vice versa, as opposed to one solitary teen. And if those teens have siblings doing the same thing, then the risk is multiplied again ... ? Not sure? (Genuinely would like more evidence but I am not sure it is out there yet.)

But if the residents of the household are not vulnerable, then I don't see the issue.

If a dc catches covid from a boyfriend/girlfriend (at school or on the train or in the home) then the dc's entire family will have to isolate anyway....doesn't matter where they caught it.

And just to clarify, I am not talking about a group of teens, I am talking about a couple who spend a lot of time together at school.

Only bike rides with one friend usually but have been known to allow him to go with 2 friends occasionally as we are in the sticks and they ride along the moors

My dc are sticking to the rules, even if they find it tough. It’s only 4 weeks and they understand why they need to behave.

Ds is 17 but is only meeting his girlfriend for walks locally. Dd sees one friend over a weekend and even though they are at school together they only meet to walk or go for a bike ride.

I don’t know anyone who isn’t following the rules.

No. I have low immune system and other complex issues. Her friends thankfully respect that.

We are allowing the BF to come here.
It isn’t allowed I know but we are anyway. We have been really good, I haven’t see my mum for weeks for example but in this case we (with his parents) have made that decision. They are at school together all day anyway

@Vargas

And just to clarify, I am not talking about a group of teens, I am talking about a couple who spend a lot of time together at school.

If the rules are bent for some then whats the point of the lockdown we can all start finding reasons to meet people if the percieved risk is low and even if they are together at school there is still an added risk of sibling/ parent passing to child then to other family and even if all are at low risk of bad illness it is still adding to the amount of covid in circulation and at some point adds risk to a vulreble person.

The theory of its low risk is only usefull if you agree we should be aiming for herd immunity and want to spread it.

@Vargas
Mrsbrunch, why is it a problem for a couple who go to school together, and sit on a train together, and presumably are in very close contact, to see each other in each other's houses outside of school? Genuine question.

Just a guess, but maybe there's a significant risk of spreading a particularly contagious virus that's doing the rounds at the moment?

One infected person going into their classmates home, risks spreading it to the rest of that household- to the parents and any other children in the family, who then take it into their workplaces, schools and supermarkets etc etc etc

It's really not difficult to grasp that it increases the exponential risk

@Hoppinggreen

We are allowing the BF to come here. It isn’t allowed I know but we are anyway. We have been really good, I haven’t see my mum for weeks for example but in this case we (with his parents) have made that decision. They are at school together all day anyway

There we are - a perfect example.

Do you not understand why you are not special enough to not follow rules or are you just too selfish?

This is something that does amaze me and I see/hear it again and again and again.

Why are you exempt from the rules Hoppinggreen?