Are you allowing teenage DC into friends houses?

[Serendipity09]

I'm not. A walk outside, yes.
DD's friend and her parents aren't happy that we won't let DD go round for the afternoon. DD understands, and doesn't want to anyway.
They're not at same school so aren't 'mixing anyway'.
I shouldn't be feeling bad about this, right?

[RosesforMama]

3 teens here.

We allow one teen to see his best and only friend in the garden. They sit on pre-placed seats 4 metres apart and chat shit to each other. Both are autistic and have no other social contact. I don't perceive it as any more risky than going for a walk together; probably less as they would be much closer together on a walk. There is no alcohol involved and they don't touch.

The other two see mates at school only, and keep in v regular contact online.

My youngest is at primary school and no one has had parties or sleepovers or playdates or anything since March.

[Xenia]

Children with disabilities have special rules. Other children should not be meeting in private gardens in England as it breaks the law.

My student son and his friend meet every day for their walk. The friend parks in my drive which is not on my land just beyond my metal gates and they walk on the road from there. The friend is pretty safe as both he and my son are studying entirely from home with parents who work from home and the son's friend has an at risk parent so that family are very very careful too although now one child is back at school in the other family I suppose there is slightly more risk. In our bit of London - covid central in March - loads of people did get it and will never know and never be tested though so I think we are probably more immune here than other parts of the country. Even so we are obeying the law.

[quelquechose]

@Xenia

No and my son's friends and he respect that and made the same choice - i.e. to follow the law. That is even though I have been against all mandatory CV19 legislation since March.

I have explained to my DC that in our family we ‘do the right thing’. I have shown them the guidance /rules so they can’t say I’m being strict. I will not contribute to someone else becoming ill through our actions.

If you have DC with MH issues that is different. I’d weigh up their overall health and ensure their CAMHS were endorsing the decisions to see friends in their homes. A DCs mental health is not negotiable if they are very unwell.

[quelquechose]

@Xenia I meant to say that I said similar to my DCs. In our family we comply with the law. And if we don’t like it we can show that in how we vote etc.

[quelquechose]

Also different if you have DCs with disabilities. But for the others it shows what a self-centred generation we a creating.

These teens have their schools open (if possible) and their behaviour is jeopardising this. Risking the health of other more vulnerable people by visiting homes.

And the irony is that they are the most socially ‘connected’ of any generation before them. My teens are constantly on Snapchat, house party, discord etc they have so much more social interaction than I do.

[quelquechose]

@NotAKaren

My DD has missed 4 weeks of school due isolating because to cases in her bubble. First was a student who had returned from holiday abroad in September and didn't want to miss out by having to isolate and second was a student who caught it at friends sleepover party. So that's 4 weeks out of 6 of lots of student missing education, disruption and extra work for teachers and schools just because others are selfish cannot see what the problem is. What the hell is wrong with people 🙄

Those parents are teaching their DCs that other people don’t matter, laws don’t matter. Gratification must be instant or they complain.

I think of my grandparents and the hardships they endured - they would be so disappointed in the current generation of young people.

Our DCs are spoilt and soft and will become self-serving adults with little compassion for others.

[Xenia]

I don't think most children are like that nor have parents like that. The UK has actually been extremely compliant over the legislation actually - even the Government has admitted that. People can pat themselves on the back for it.

[moimichme]

@Hoppinggreen

Except when it’s not a few weeks because we’ve been in local measures for months and will probably be in Tier 3 when the national lockdown lifts

Sorry, I know the thread has moved on a bit, but I've also been in a Tier 3 area for ages and I can't understand why some people around here don't or won't see the connection between 'breaking the rules' (Oh but only in this particular way that surely won't make any difference...) and the fact that we're still stuck in Tier 3 because the cases aren't decreasing!

[middleager]

My 14 year old is on his third period of self isolation due to cases in school. That's five full school weeks, or six actual weeks, of being stuck inside, mainly in front of a PC, with the added joy that he might get ill too. Five full school weeks of not seening one friend.

Now my other 14 year old is in SI and I wonder when, after 8 weeks, my healthy teens an go out with us, even for a family walk.

[RedskyAtnight]

DC's school had a positive case reported over half term. Fortunately it was in a child who was already self-isolating due to contact with another case.
Unfortunately, it turned out that he'd taken "self-isolating" to mean it was fine to meet up with various other school friends, including ones who'd not been in contact with the first case.
You do despair (and school was livid).

My teens are socialising with one friend at a time, outside, in accordance with current guidelines. The nature of the set-up at school means they don't see some of their close friends any more, or only for a few minutes. I think saying they don't need to socialise at all as they go to school, as some have posted on this thread, is extremely harsh. It would be like saying an adult couldn't socialise with a friend because they'd been in a workplace with other adults all day.

[TiredAndBonkers]

Xenia Other children should not be meeting in private gardens in England as it breaks the law.

It's a stupid, damaging law. There's no more risk in a garden than in a park. It's wildly, insanely disproportionate to ban meeting in gardens and claim it's to save lives. Cruel, unjustifiable laws should not be respected.

[hopefulhalf]

Dd (14) sat in the garden on her side of the fence while NDN (17) sat on her side. 2m apart then had tea (made separately) and chatted.

[Bobtheshark]

I had an argument with my son last week as I wouldn’t let him go to a friends after school. The friend kept insisting you were allowed one person 🙄.

[GetOffYourHighHorse]

'There's no more risk in a garden than in a park. It's wildly, insanely disproportionate to ban meeting in gardens and claim it's to save lives.'

The thing is as we see daily on mn you give people an inch and they take a mile, so yes allowing a garden visit sounds fine, but then there's those that access their back gardens through the house and once in the house they'd pop to the loo or grab a drink. Or those that are in a garden but think 'well the kitchen with the door open isn't much different'.

I expect when setting out instructions they do so knowing a large percentage do their own version of it, so a stricter starting point perhaps means transmission is reduced even with the flouting.

[grenadines]

There is literally no need for kids to be meeting up at all out of school for the next few weeks. They see their friends in the day at school so are not without company. They can get their exercise walking to and fro to school and in school PE and go on family walks at weekends. They can chat to friends on facetime.

[GetOffYourHighHorse]

'had an argument with my son last week as I wouldn’t let him go to a friends after school. The friend kept insisting you were allowed one person'

Its annoying isn't it. Kids have always said 'everyone else is allowed it's not fair' but this is another level. Going by what I see on sm there are loads of parents just letting their little darlings do whatever the fuck they like. Unsurprisingly it is the parents who struggle to parent and whose kids have always been the 'spirited' types.

[RedskyAtnight]

@grenadines

There is literally no need for kids to be meeting up at all out of school for the next few weeks. They see their friends in the day at school so are not without company. They can get their exercise walking to and fro to school and in school PE and go on family walks at weekends. They can chat to friends on facetime.

Would you say the same to an adult who went to a physical workplace and saw people there?

Teens are not like primary school children. They only really get to see friends at school if they are in the same lessons (at least in my DC's school - the break times are short and utilitarian). And sitting in maths with a friend is not remotely the same as socialising with a friend. Absolutely no reason why teens can't meet one friend out of doors, like the adult population can.

[movingonup20]

Dd isn't seeing her bf of 2 years!

[likely]

Yes i would let my teen have a friend over if they sat together at school, on the school bus etc.

The scaremongering of the virus is the biggest concern.

[sleepwouldbenice]

@GetOffYourHighHorse

'There's no more risk in a garden than in a park. It's wildly, insanely disproportionate to ban meeting in gardens and claim it's to save lives.'

The thing is as we see daily on mn you give people an inch and they take a mile, so yes allowing a garden visit sounds fine, but then there's those that access their back gardens through the house and once in the house they'd pop to the loo or grab a drink. Or those that are in a garden but think 'well the kitchen with the door open isn't much different'.

I expect when setting out instructions they do so knowing a large percentage do their own version of it, so a stricter starting point perhaps means transmission is reduced even with the flouting.

Exactly. As shown many many times on this site by those who think they are the exception to every rule

[IrmaFayLear]

Dd sees her friends at school, but otherwise nowt.

It’s so grim for young people. I feel dreadful when I think of my teenage years in the 80s. They were brill. Mind you, even without covid my teenage years were a lot more fun than what’s on offer now. Discos in village halls, anyone?!

[grenadines]

@RedskyAtnight Of course teens can meet out of doors like adults can if they want to.

However my understanding is that this thread is more a debate as to whether it makes a difference if teens refrain from meeting up in houses during lockdown and I believe it does.

If people break the rules out of school, eg having sleepovers in non ventilated rooms, they are more likely to catch covid and bring it in to school putting other pupils and teachers health at risk.

I have two teenagers and they do not seem remotely inconvenienced by the current rules. They are both really busy with academic work and one also has music lessons etc on zoom. My daughter sits with her friends at lunch at school and talks to them in the evenings on zoom. I think if people followed the rules on indoor socialising over the next few weeks it would make a dramatic difference to the covid rate, even with schools still open.

[grenadines]

I meant talks in the evenings on Facetime in my post above.

[Duggeehugs82]

@likely

Yes i would let my teen have a friend over if they sat together at school, on the school bus etc.

The scaremongering of the virus is the biggest concern.

Im confussed about the term scaremongering, if its being exaggerated why is the goverment activity putting themselves into debt and purposely puting the economy at risk, if there wasnt as bad a threat as we think their is? And why would goverments all around the world be doing the same?

[WingingItSince1973]

Just obey the rules. Stop making excuses. My mum phoned me today asking if my dd14 years old could pop to see her in the mornings before she goes to work. She works at a senior school where they've had a few isolated cases. I said no as its not the rules and she was quietly sad. It made me feel so bad. She said that my niece and nephew (twins) had family members round over the weekend to celebrate their 21st. Including a nan riddled with cancer and one just finished chemo. Mums reasoning was that they are careful about their associations and it would have been ok. If everyone thought that we may as just throw in the towel and just be survival of the fittest. My parents say they are super careful and hardly do anything, although I guess they don't count my mums 2 jobs, shopping in Sainsburys, nipping to the odd shop here and there etc etc. So how can they be sure they haven't been near someone with covid? We need to remember that while we may think our social circle is small at the moment when we add up where we all individually go during the week it doesn't take much to get this virus spreading. My dd is home ed anyway but does miss seeing her bf. We have WhatsApp chats and zoom lessons and its helping. Please think again. You really are being unreasonable and not seeing the bigger picture x