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Ttc after miscarriage thread #8

(992 Posts)
Miami81 Sun 05-Feb-17 20:07:00

Hey. Just starting new thread. Hope the rest of you find it.

emily86 Sun 05-Feb-17 20:34:11

Thanks Miami. I was just wondering if we had maxed out the other one.

Djmarbella Sun 05-Feb-17 20:46:55

How long did you all wait for your period after miscarriage? Im 6 weeks yesterday and still waiting...

Owl1011 Sun 05-Feb-17 21:22:00

Glad i found this thread smile

Had a horribly emotional day today, spent all morning sitting on the bedroom floor crying and sat on the sofa under a blanket all afternoon (DH has kept himself occupied and been out all weekend which hasn't helped). Not sure what has triggered feeling so crap today, it's such an isolating feeling when nobody knows what you're going through.

Strangely enough I also knew that something wasn't right, I had minor cramps and a tiny bit of spotting but nothing major, took myself to the doctors who referred me to the EPU which was when we found out. I didn't feel right from the start and hardly had any pregnancy symptoms. I tried medical management first but it didn't work so had to have an ERPC. The nurse did say that my hormone levels were quite high though, not sure what it meant 

littlehelp Sun 05-Feb-17 21:24:34

Place marking wink

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 05-Feb-17 21:26:39

Thanks miami. How are you doing?

Sorry you're having such a rough day owl flowers I tried medical management twice and ended up having an MVA (ERPC under a local).

I'm trying to stop googling miracle outcomes of small drops in HCG. Totally daft. Given how all the stats have screwed us for the last year we're never going to get a miracle. But it's a distraction.

fluffiny31 Sun 05-Feb-17 21:32:19

I'm so sorry for everyones losses. It is weird that you just know. I didn’t get any symptoms either apart from tiredness. But instinct told me it was going to happen. I was the same with my dd. I knew i wouldn't go full term i knew I'd end up c sec and I knew she'd end up on nicu and me being unable to just go to her when i wanted. I don't know why i thought it but i just knew and it happened exactly how I thought. That's what made me go for a private scan this time because i was right with her. Everyone told me i was paranoid but unfortunately I was right. It's one time i would of loved to be proven wrong. It's nice hearing your stories too. (well not nice) makes me feel like I'm not alone. Sil came round earlier and didn't even say a word about it like i was never pregnant in the first place. Even though i know its a hard subject It hurts that people feel they can't even say sorry or a hug or even acknowledge it.

fluffiny31 Sun 05-Feb-17 21:36:29

I chose the erpc as i don't think I'd of dealt well if I'd let nature take its course. I'm quite an emotional person. Fingers crossed for you Anne. flowers

Owl1011 Sun 05-Feb-17 21:55:13

Thank you Anne. It's so hard not to google symptoms but stay strong and I hope you get your answers soon flowers

Fluffin sorry to hear of your loss also, it's a tough place to be and lonely when people don't talk about it even though it would help I suppose. Look after yourself flowers

fluffiny31 Sun 05-Feb-17 22:50:15

owl sounds like your having a hard time too today hope tomorrow is a bit better for you. I spent 2 hours in the bath yesterday ended up very cold. just needed to be with my own thoughts. I have felt very lost through this whole thing. It's a strange feeling. how long ago was your mc owl?

Djmarbella Mon 06-Feb-17 00:15:34

Can i ask again as not had any replies... How long did you all wait for your 1st period after miscarriage? Im 6 weeks yesterday and still waiting... we are all going through a nightmare but could do with some help (i asked in last thread and had no replies and again in this thread) also today a friend miscarried so brought all the emotions back sad

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 06-Feb-17 00:44:37

It varies hugely depending on lots of things but between 4 and 8 weeks seems average, definitely not before 4 if it's a real period.

My experience with my last two mc was ovulating 2 weeks after and period coming around 2 weeks after that.

You'll find plenty of info about what to expect on lots of different websites. But 6 weeks isn't late or unusual.

Miami81 Mon 06-Feb-17 07:45:55

Sorry Dj think you got caught up in the switch between threads.
I am very sorry for your loss. Hopefully you have support in rl as well to help you through this.
I had the medical management for both my mc and my AF came about 30 days later in both cases.
It can take a long time (feels like the longest time ever) but it will get there.
I think they say if you haven't had in 8 weeks then maybe get checked out.
Your hormone levels can take a long time to drop.
Anne I'm doing ok thanks. DH and I had a massive chat about my expectations of the rmc (he was a bit worried that I thought there was going to be a magic pill or something) so feel a bit more relaxed weirdly about it now.
I am so sorry for the limbo you must be in. Stay away from google it is not your friend in this situation. One way to look at it is that you are being monitored and cared for and whatever is going to happen (whilst it may be thoroughly shit) you will be ok.

Owl1011 Mon 06-Feb-17 09:25:38

Fluffin my MC was confirmed 3 weeks ago, had an ERPC just over two weeks ago. Still very recent but so far have handled it well, yesterday being a big exception! Doesn't help that lots of close friends have either recently given birth or are announcing pregnancies, one of whom is due right around the time I have been

emily86 Mon 06-Feb-17 09:31:46

Dj have you had a negative pregnancy test since your MC? After my first MC it was 6 weeks before AF arrived. Then after the second and more like 8 after this most recent one because I had some retained products. So I don't think 6 weeks is anything unusual, but obviously it is very stressful waiting for it and wondering when things are going to get back to normal.

fluffiny31 Mon 06-Feb-17 10:04:40

owl it is definitely hard when people are pregnant around you. There's a lot of staff pregnant at my work which 3 were werks within my due date. It's going to be hard going back and seeing them blossom. Although I'm really happy for all of them i wish it was me too. We will get there all of us. We are strong and we have to. Well that's what i keep saying about myself i just doubt myself alot

Djmarbella Mon 06-Feb-17 10:18:20

Thanks for your replies. I had a negative pregnancy test a week ago so hcg must be out of my system. Today i have really dull cramps in the middle so maybe its a sign of af. If the pain gets worse ill go to the ER to get checked. Just cant wait for everything to be back to normal so we can try again for our rainbow 👶🏻

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 06-Feb-17 14:08:25

That's so good you've talked it through Miami. We pretty much obsessed about what the appointment would cover, what we hoped the tests would show or not show, what would happen next, for weeks before ours. Gave us something to look forward to.

I'd expect to have a lot of blood taken, even if they took a bunch during your mcs. I was expecting a scan, but not sure why, as they'd done loads during my MMC and it's all structurally fine.

My third HCG was 54. So 60, 56, 54. Definitely falling rather than doubling but so very slowly. Had a message to say the consultant has given the EPU "a plan" and to expect a call.

Miami81 Mon 06-Feb-17 14:34:24

Oh anne what an absolute drudge. All the not knowing and ups and downs must be horrid for you.
I am expecting a scan - mainly because the sonographer at first scan mentioned that I have a heart shaped uterus.
I am also expecting to come out like a pin cushion. Trying not to get worked up about that but I really don't react well to having bloods taken. Get a bit panicked and have been known to faint on occasion. DH knows that he is in charge of telling them to stop if I start to look a bit green.
I am taking a notebook. I have written down my cycles, my pregnancy cycles, my contraception history and family history of miscarriages.
I have started a list of things I want them to test for. Main one is the clotting. As both my miscarriages the timing was almost exactly the same (everything stops growing around 6wks).
I also will be slap bang in the middle of fw once we have had the appointment. Really nervous about getting back on that bus...... will see how we feel after appointment.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 06-Feb-17 15:05:13

You sound very well prepared Miami, make sure you get the time you need to cover everything. They might have a standard first appointment patter and while that'll cover a lot, it might not cover all your concerns or questions so make sure they're properly listening.

Is there anything they can do mitigate your uterus shape being an issue? Sorry, I don't know anything about that.

I went from my apt to the path lab and I always think they're much better at taking blood there, they do it all day every day. I got butchered by the doctor yesterday at the EPU - as if to prove my point!

I felt good about cracking back on this past cycle but my anxiety definitely started rising in the 2WW, possibly just as I haven't had to do that for a while.

Not a clue where I'm at right not tbh. Not distressed really, just cracking on with stuff and waiting.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 06-Feb-17 15:10:28

Just to say as well, someone said to me mid previous mc, don't try again until you know you can handle another loss.

I didn't know what to make of it at the time but DH and I decided the prospect of it was too awful to contemplate so we'd just crack on. We also decided that the stress of another potential loss would probably get worse the longer we put off trying, so we'd just get on it and travel hopefully.

I sent myself into a flat spin about either never conceiving again, or having another mc. But I did get pregnant again and I am now going to have another loss.

It's not going to kill me and we will try again. All we can do is continue to travel hopefully.

fluffiny31 Mon 06-Feb-17 17:34:11

Anne you sound so strong. Have you had tests to why you mc then? I know i won't get anything like that yet because it's my first i just wonder if something is wrong with me especially saying my body went into spontaneous labour with my first now healthy child. Life is so cruel sometimes. My nurse i had during my mmc told me she had 3 healthy girls but 4 mc she thought it was boys that she couldn't carry and she thought it even more strongly when her 4th born was a boy with severe heart problems. It's weird i think how it all works. Praying for our rainbow children.

DaddysGirl36 Mon 06-Feb-17 20:10:26

Sorry your message was overlooked DJ, the thread gets so busy and I struggle to keep up with it.

My cycles returned to normal immediately, I am usually about 28-29 days and after my MMC, AF came after 31 days. Then the next cycle was shorter.

Anne - I know I couldn't cope with another loss at all and I'm still having counselling for the first and all the stress that comes with TTC. My counsellor tells me to maybe give up trying for a while but I feel at my age (36) I cannot possibly stop trying and that I'll do anything to have a child so will take the risks

We are going to book a holiday in May if I haven't conceived by April (OH has two holidays without me before then because I stupidly thought I'd be pregnant so declined going).

I'm wasting my life but don't see a way to stop tbh...

fluffiny31 Mon 06-Feb-17 20:32:18

Daddysgirl gosh it sounds horrible what your going through. I'm dreading ttc as i don't want to get obsessed with it i think I'll let it rule my life and i know putting pressure on yourself can make things harder. But although I'm still not in a good place I'm counting down the days weeks for my period. Good luck Daddysgirl flowers

theotherendofthesockportal Mon 06-Feb-17 21:23:15

@owl1011 I am sorry you are having a bad day. I too have had emotional day and understand.

I feel like I'm about to come on, it will be my first period after my mmc and I'm dreading it. I have also got very upset with my husband and somewhat unfairly accused him of avoiding me. I guess I need to say sorry to him.

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