Ttc after miscarriage thread #8

[Miami81]

Hey. Just starting new thread. Hope the rest of you find it.

[88claire]

Hi ladies,

Just wrote a long post then it wouldn't let me post it on the old thread!

Just checking in. Currently 3 days into my first two week wait that I'm aware of. I pinpointed ovulation this month.

Determined not to test until AF is late but we shall see!

Symptom spotting to the extreme!

Hope everyone is holding up well!!

[88claire]

Ps someone at work came up to me today and asked how bump was doing after they got back from leave. Had to tell them what happened which was awful and they felt terrible.

Makes me think even in my job with infection risk and manual handling I won't tell anyone until a 12 week scan. So difficult in nursing and especially with children who need lifting and comforting.

[TeamLentil]

I had lost you all in the thread switch!

Welcome to the new joiners and so sorry for your losses

I'm still spotting and the EPU said I should go get seen, but I have a huge deadline at work on Friday so I will wait until then and see.

[emily86]

Glad you found us Lentil.

That sounds tough 88claire. Now things have been going on so long for me a fair few of my colleagues know about my miscarriages. Although I don't often talk to them about it I do find it comforting to know I have their quiet support and it also means I don't have anything to explain if I am having a difficult day.

Anne, how are you doing?

Not much to report here. DH has just gone away for work a few days. I'm hoping AF will be done and dusted by the time he is back so we can get back on the TTC bandwagon. Although not looking forward to re-entering the world of the dreaded TWW. Also, just booked a smear (cancelled my last one because I was pregnant), got off the phone and realised I've booked it for when AF will be due. Now in a quandary about whether to cancel it.

[fluffiny31]

88Claire. I'm the same with work because I work with kids and young people that need moving and are unable to move them self and there's somethings i just can't do and won't do.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Hey emily. I've taken the afternoon off as got horrible lower back pain. Really hope it's going to happen soon. Feeling wobbly, weepy and sore.

Had to email the admin lady to tell her, just said I'm pregnant and expecting to miscarry, feeling rough and going home. She looked up and said, weirdly perkily, "oh, well thanks for telling us, I've been wondering what's been going on with you this week! Hope you're feeling better tomorrow". I said hmmm and walked out.

She was quite nice last time when I was off, but clearly now has a right to know everything in my life and to be a bitch when my quota of feeling shit runs out. Nice

How are you doing?

Glad you've found us lentil

[Miami81]

Anne weirdly hoping this is the start of it all resolving for you. What a shit response from work lady. I think some people start to respond to it as if it is a toothache when you have had more then one. Mind yourself today.
I didn't sleep last night and woke up with migraine this morning. Couldn't gather myself to go to work, feel really bad as have taken so much time off in the last year. But I am an emotional basket case today. Ewcm all over the place and not sure whether we are gonna go for it before appointment on Friday or not. Actually making me feel crazy.......

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Thank you miami, thanks for being there and sorry you're feeling crap. Migraines are awful. Don't feel bad for missing work, you've been through a lot. Pregnancy illness doesn't count as normal illness anyway.

In terms of when to start ttc again, you can give it a go and your appointment is so soon you won't know whether this is the month for a while anyway. If it feels right and you're physically feeling better later then give it a go I think and tell your doctor when you see them on Friday.

They can still run any tests they need to anyway, you wouldn't be actually pregnant in 2 days and maybe getting back on it takes the pressure off. You can tell yourself it's a practice month and then based on what you're told at the clinic you can go from there.

We waited a cycle partly because of my MMR and partly to see what the clinic said. We didn't want to "waste it" if we were going to find out something we wished we'd known. As it turned out, we were told to go away and crack on as whatever the tests showed, we'd have treatment options available.

But it's entirely up to how you and your husband feel. Be gentle with yourselves x

[DontBuyANewMumCashmere]

Hello all
Just confirmed today my LO didn't work out. By dates I am 10+4 but it only measured 4mm so must have gone wrong weeks ago.
Fortunately I am blessed with a little girl who is 2 so I've got something to keep me strong and positive and busy

I have been bleeding since Saturday so I hope this is the beginning of MC, can't bear to have to go back in a week and have to start talking about options.

Is this irrational - that I'm mostly annoyed at feeling pg for 10 fucking weeks with nothing to show for it? Got to go back to square one again, do it all over again whilst worrying this time that it won't work our again.

Hope my body goes back to normal soon and I can feel well enough to try again.

Hope you are all OK too and coping.
Shit, isn't it...

[Waterfeature]

I completely get it dontbuy. I feel the same. Feel like I've been under the weather for weeks, now feeling rubbish bc of the mc; do I really want to dive back in and TTC?

For me, though, my age (nearly 45!) is very much against me so I really need to get used to the idea that it's all over. I do have other dc so I can't really complain.

Also -- am still 5 lb over my usual weight. Feel v annoyed that my teeny 10 week pregnancy could have put that weight on. Still, it's only a week ago so I suppose I should give myself a break.

[Miami81]

How are you feeling now anne?

[Miami81]

Sorry for your losses waterfeature and don't buy. Sorry you find yourselves here. Be kind to yourselves and give your bodies a chance to recover. The physical can be traumatic, the emotional and learning to trust your body again is very hard. All the best.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Same old love, holing up on the sofa, no news x

Me too dont and water, totally get you. Just makes you feel wtf was it for. I don't have any DC yet either so struggling in my journey to become a mum and have a family

[looking4hope]

Hi all, I haven't noticed the new thread and was wondering why everyone was so quiet... silly me.

AnneLovesGilbert, sorry to hear you're going through this again. Big hugs! Just take care of yourself and rest.

Just wanted to thank everybody for the kind words and support last month, it really helped. It's been 5 weeks since my MC and I've been in limbo... Some days I'm like a robot, just doing things mechanically and trying not to think about the baby we lost.

My AF showed up exactly 4 weeks after my natural MC, which is really weird for me as I've always had irregular cycles. I got my endocrinology appointment confirmed (13 March), so at least it's something to look forward to.

I'm not going to TTC for a while, but I'll hang around and keep fingers crossed for all of you.

[emily86]

Oh dear. I seem to be having a bit of a moment. Feeling very alone right now. I'm really struggling with my best friend being pregnant. She's been an incredible support through my MCs but I'm not sure she can be there for me anymore, if I want her to be, or if it is reasonable of me to expect it from her. I'm not really sure who else to turn to though. And I hate myself for all the negative thoughts I have about her pregnancy.

I'm so grateful for you ladies here. I wish someone could tell all of us when all this shit will end.

[emily86]

Next door's kids screaming their heads off is not helping either! The joys of living in a terraced house.

[Owl1011]

Emily sorry to hear that you're having such a crap day, I had one of those on Saturday and yesterday. I think it's natural to have those thoughts about someone who has what you want, the never ending why me questions can eat you up. A close friend and colleague is also pregnant at the moment and due when I would have been, at the moment I'm feeling nothing but excitement for her but if we aren't successful TTC in the next few months I think I'll get more and more jealous. Look after yourself

[emily86]

Thank you for your reply Owl. It always takes me by surprise how quickly you can go from feeling alright to absolutely rubbish.

I think one of the things I'm finding hardest at the moment is the impact it is having on some of my closest friendships, on top of all the emotional trauma that comes from the MCs themselves.

[iecgi]

Well looks like I'll be sticking on the ttc thread started bleeding yesterday after getting a proper bfp over the weekend gp just see what happens it it stops in a day or two they'll book me in to epu if it continues I've probably miscarried and to retest in 2 weeks to check it negative.... its fairly heavy like a period (although mine are usually very heavy this isn't as heavy as that more like the bleeding that started after my mmc sorry if tmi) so now I'm left hoping it stops and its ok I know it isn't it's too heavy but stupid head won't let me give up on it 😣😢

[Buddahbelly]

Blatant place marking so I dont loose you all again!

Anne, so sorry its dragging on like this leaving you in Limbo . And for everyone else who has found the board, sorry you're all here too.

I had a chat to dp last night about trying again (4th MC was in December) He told me he wants to put of trying as he cant bare to see me go through it again. Devastated is an understatement. I couldn't even talk to him, i just walked off like a stubborn child and stayed quiet while trying not to cry. Not spoke to him today either, I left before him and I've been home a while, he was already in bed by 5 and left a note saying he didn't feel well.

So All I've got is My Rmc appt a week tomorrow to keep me going and hoping it provides a way forward, Interesting that someone upthread mentioned a clotting issue around week 6, all mine have ended between 5-6 weeks. I had blood tests done on the 3rd & 21 day I think through my gp but all that showed was that I hadnt Ovulated that month, nothing else.

Now wondering if this is what has been happening the whole time?

[Buddahbelly]

iecig So sorry you're going through this again. Id started writing my post ages ago but by the time id pressed send you had already written that - Didnt want you thinking id just ignored your message.

Fingers crossed for you though still.

[Miami81]

Iecgi I am so sorry that you find yourself in the hellish limbo again. Try to mind yourself and get help if needed.
I rang the miscarriage association helpline today as I was getting really panicky about friday's rmc appointment. My bmi is pretty high +35 and am worried that they will take one look at me and tell me to feck off and lose four stone. Which is fine and I understand that for health reasons I do need to work on that, but I also don't need someone telling me that it is my fault that I have had two miscarriages.
The lady was really nice, I ended up having a massive crying session at her and apologising she was very lovely and just listened to me. She assured me that is what they are there for.
Emily I am so very sorry that you are feeling isolated from friends. I feel this way too. I am not too bad with the ones who were preggers already when we started trying (although I know that there is the inevitable second child coming for most of them). But my closest friend here (I'm not from uk so have home friends and here friends) is pregnant with her second and whilst was sympathetic when I told her we had mc again, she had pretty much ignored it since. I emailed to wish her happy birthday in jan and she replied with some inane comment about me sounding much brighter and I actually responded with the shirtiest email I had ever sent. The thing is I know she doesn't want to rub it in my face and it is all a bit awkward but ffs don't just ignore me. She has since managed to claw her way back into my good graces by calling a few times and texting to check in on me.
It's all just so shit.

[Owl1011]

Emily sorry to hear that it's having an effect on your close friendships, I think that if people don't have any experience it limits their understanding and then it's hard to open up to them. Hope you're feeling a bit better this evening x

iecgi so sorry that you're having to go through this now, hugs for you

Miami it sounds like the miscarriage association was really supportive and it's good to know there's another outlet of support available, hope you're doing at the moment x

[Miami81]

Buddah
Oh dear. What a shame for you both. I was reading a good blog today that I found on the MA website chasingourhappilyeverafter on Wordpress. Sorry no idea how to link and not sure if we are allowed. Anyway it is the story of a couple who had 4 mc's before they got their take home baby. But the reason I am pointing you in its direction is that the last two chapters are written by the husband and I found that really interesting. If you can face it it is worth finding. It has given me a bit of an understanding of where my own DH is coming from. His current stance is we aren't trying again until something changes (both fitter & healthier) or
Rmc tell us there is something wrong that they can fix.
It is very hard to accept when the other person in the relationship isn't on the same page as you. I feel like a petulant child at the moment and really want the rmc on Friday to say that we can get back to trying but am also shit scared that they do.
DH already has asked me how many of these I think we can go through. I have no idea. I'm not there yet, I'm not at the point of even contemplating giving up.

[noroomonbroom]

Hi can I join please.13 days on since my mmc at almost 9 weeks(thought I was 12)
All ended natuarally while waiting for my mva procedure.Couldn't get an apt for a week ended up starting whilst out with toddler,just what I had been trying to avoid happening,had to get the bus home.
Why doesn't anyone at the hospital tell you how bad the bleeding can be.Scared the life out of myself.
Think everything is going back to normal now,just waiting for a -ve test(does anyone know a time frame for that?)
Really just want it to be over now and moving on.
Had been fine until a mum announced she was due a few weeks before I would have been(our toddlers are the same age too).And was jokingly asked if we were having anymore.('About time isn't it?').
Sorry if rambling,haven't told anyone in real life.Only dp knows.
Hopefully af in a couple of weeks and then back to ttc.Would be lovely to have a +ve before August(edd)
Also is anyone taking a higher dosage folic acid and/ or vit d?