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My baby girl died - stillbirth at 40 weeks

(205 Posts)

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GrievingMummy Sat 16-Feb-19 20:52:43

This is still very fresh for me. My baby girl was due on 10 Feb. On 9 Feb I went to the maternity assessment unit regarding reduced movements. I didn’t think there would be anything wrong but I had been anxious all pregnancy and went in after I couldn’t get her to move in the evening.

Sadly they said they could not find a heartbeat.

I was given drugs to induce labour and gave birth in 13 February to a beautiful baby girl.

I had had no problems throughout the pregnancy, she seemed perfect otherwise and a good weight so it was a complete shock.

We have spent a few days in the hospital with her and came home today. It was very sad to leave her in the hospital and one minute I’m crying and the next I feel a bit numb as if none of it was real.

Interested in anyone having had similar experiences. Does it get better? So far it has got harder every day but I think that’s because we first got the news and I knew I still had her and would give birth and get the chance to see her and hold her. And then because she was with us in hospital and I could see her and hold her. I was not looking forward to coming home without her.

I feel so much loss. The loss of a baby and being a mother following a healthy pregnancy (and I loved being pregnant) and just feeling numb. We had so much planned. We are even moving house next month and she was a bit part of that. The loss of my little baby girl who was so beautiful and whom I already loved so much. I used to play with her and talk to her every day. The fear of never having a child of my own. I know it’s early days and I will never replace her but I am 35 next month and my biological clock was ticking when I got pregnant with her. I think over what could have caused it and whether I could have done more. I don’t think I could. I didn’t realise anything was wrong.

Redtartanshoes Sat 16-Feb-19 20:54:35

Sorry for your loss. Would you like to tell us about your daughter?

CoolCarrie Sat 16-Feb-19 20:55:21

I am so sorry Alice.
There is no way you could have known anything was wrong, I hope you have lots of support.

flapjackfairy Sat 16-Feb-19 20:57:40

Oh my love. It is absolutely not your fault. There is a similar thread running on this theme ( a lady wondering if others see her as a mum because her little boy was stillborn ). It may help a little bit. There are no words. Just so v sorry for the loss of your daughter. Xxx

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass Sat 16-Feb-19 20:59:21

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

What was her name?

yorkshirepud44 Sat 16-Feb-19 20:59:21

Oh my goodness. I am so very sorry. You are and always will be her mother. thanks

Byebyefriend Sat 16-Feb-19 20:59:53

I'm so sorry for you loss. There are no words.

SingaSong12 Sat 16-Feb-19 21:00:22

(((AliceRR)))
flowers

Valentinesschmalentines Sat 16-Feb-19 21:00:30

I am so so sorry to hear what has happened, that is so terribly sad. Although I haven’t experienced what you have, my own personal experience with bereavement is that with time it becomes more bearable. Lots of love to you, be kind to yourself and reach out for help xxx

nooddsocksforme Sat 16-Feb-19 21:01:21

I am so sorry to hear of your loss- so heartbreaking. Absolutely it is not your fault and I hope you have lots of support irl .

golddigga Sat 16-Feb-19 21:01:54

Oh you lovely girl, I am so sorry for your loss xx

MollyHuaCha Sat 16-Feb-19 21:02:14

What a terrible experience. So sorry, I can't find anything useful to say. Thinking of you. thanksthanksthanks

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey Sat 16-Feb-19 21:03:10

Very sorry for the loss of your baby girl flowers

RandomMess Sat 16-Feb-19 21:03:09

I am so sorry, there are just no words sad SANDS is a great place to seek support from other parents that have had very similar experiences x

Sweepingcalamity Sat 16-Feb-19 21:04:24

I am very sorry for your loss op flowers

Capricornandproud Sat 16-Feb-19 21:04:25

Oh darling... I am so sorry xx

blindsighted Sat 16-Feb-19 21:04:27

OP I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl.

I don't know if this will help, but my sister lost her little boy to stillbirth. I was with her when they couldn't find his heartbeat and it broke my heart so I couldn't even begin to imagine how she felt, nor how you must be feeling now. He would have been 8 this coming April and we still talk about him all the time and always celebrate his birthday. She's now got two other children and they're 2 and 4 and both know about their big brother, as do their cousins and he is as much my nephew as the others. I won't lie, she still misses him of course, we all do. But it helps to talk for us. You'll find what helps you and your family I'm sure, but if there is anything you want to ask or talk about please feel free to message me.

I wish you all the best going forward and will light a candle for your little girl tonight xxxx

SummerHouse Sat 16-Feb-19 21:04:41

Sometimes life is so utterly unfair. Not sure you can take any consolation from this now but my aunty had a still birth at full term and went on to have two of the most wonderful girls. Her bravery still amazes me. You sound incredibly strong. You shouldn't have to be and you shouldn't have to get through this but you will. flowers

Oly4 Sat 16-Feb-19 21:04:55

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. Losing a child is unbelievably tragic.
It is such early days, just be kind to yourself and scream and cry all you want. Of course you didn’t want to leave your lovely daughter behind.
Has the hospital given you any indication what happens next? Such as trying to find a reason why she died? Sometimes there are no explanations I guess but they should be able to tell you what happens next.
Don’t worry about your age, I’m sure if you want to try again, time is still on your side. And I’m sure you’d get expert care and probably a C section for delivery around 37 weeks next time.
I’m sure the hospital would put you in touch with a consultant to discuss all that in future. Too raw right now.
I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you.

whocaresalot Sat 16-Feb-19 21:04:55

I can’t believe life can be so cruel and unfair. Sending you love flowers

CottonSock Sat 16-Feb-19 21:05:18

I'm so sorry. I have heard sands can offer support. I can only imagine your pain

Guineapiggiesmalls Sat 16-Feb-19 21:06:44

I am so sorry for you and your baby girl. I hope you’ve got a lot of real-life support, and feel like you can take every offer of help that comes your way.

One of my dear friends lost her baby boy in the same way last year. I know it was, and continues to be, indescribably tough for her, but she’s now pregnant again.

goodolddaze Sat 16-Feb-19 21:07:09

I’m so sorry. And sending you so much love and strength. This happened to my best friend and since then I’ve been more aware of it being more common than I’d ever thought. You are not alone. I sat with my friend when she got home and we looked at all her pictures and her memory box. I will never forget how much love there was in the room as she spoke about her beautiful daughter. It is always worrying that you might say the wrong thing in such awful situations so I really hope you don’t mind me saying, the overwhelming feeling I had at that time in the presence of my friend was that her daughter had known only love, pure mother’s love. It doesn’t make it any less sad or awful, it is just something I will never forget. I really hope you are supported well in the coming weeks, months and years. Life can be so unbearably cruel.

Bobfossil2 Sat 16-Feb-19 21:07:30

Do you have Instagram or Twitter? If you do, when or if you feel ready, I have seen that there is a real community of mums who have sadly lost their babies and you might feel like you would want support from other women who have been where you are. Hashtags on Instagram include vilomah or babyloss.
Have you got a bereavement midwife who could signpost you to some support?

I am so sorry to read about your lovely daughter. It is so unfair that you didn’t get to take her home. If you would like to tell us about her, please do. I’m sure she was a wonderful little baby.

ReaganSomerset Sat 16-Feb-19 21:08:41

I'm so very sorry for your loss, OP. flowers

My aunt's first was stillborn. She still considers her angel baby very much as a part of the family and does mark the anniversary of her birth. The two healthy children she had afterwards know about their older sister. My aunt's sadness has definitely eased with time and it has gotten better for her. I think she's at peace with her loss now. You and your baby girl are in my thoughts at this difficult time. x

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