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Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

(638 Posts)
LilyTheSavage Thu 30-Jul-15 20:49:11

This is it. Here we are. Thank you to Shabbs for noticing how far down the last thread we got.

Remembering all our precious children. Sending love to you all. This is just so wrong. I could howl to the moon tonight.

WoodViolets Thu 30-Jul-15 23:36:29

Thank you for starting the thread again. I have been finding the summer hard -- doing "fun" things with my younger son that I know my older son would have loved.

Howling sounds like a good idea.

Shineyshoes10 Fri 31-Jul-15 00:00:23

wood I could have written your post. I struggle to give my younger children some sort of normality. I do things for them because they deserve a normal life but doing so makes me feel even more down and anxious. I find myself hiding to cry. I'm struggling to cope with my boys behaviour and no one is helping. Longing for a break but it's not going to happen.

lily thinking of you, hope you are being kind to yourself.

lavandes Fri 31-Jul-15 23:20:41

Remembering our beloved Richard who would be 40 next week. Thanks Shabs. I have been trying to cope on my own for the last months sometimes it works but the pain never goes away I will never forget the love and support I gained from this precious thread xx

Valsoldknickers Fri 31-Jul-15 23:35:37

flowers to everyone on this thread.

Never felt brave enough (have Dutch courage on board) to post on here.

I just want to send a kiss to my beautiful DS who would have been 5 yrs old this week. I miss him and what could have been. I will never know.

WoodViolets Sat 01-Aug-15 13:57:11

Shiney: It is hard keeping things somewhat normal for the other child(ren). I am dealing with behavior as well, and a break sounds great. Hope you get some time to yourself soon.

Lavandes: So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your son Richard.

Vals: Glad you posted ... I had been hesitant at first, too. "Talking" about things with others who have also felt this horrible pain does help. Sorry for the loss of your little boy. Thinking of you both.

Shineyshoes10 Sun 02-Aug-15 01:52:42

lily thinking of you and Paddy today.

wood a break from the DC is wishful thinking. Me, DD2 and DTs are away staying with friends (can't bring myself to call it a holiday) and I'm hating tonight with nothing to do but think. Sorry you too have behaviour problems to cope with.

lavandes thinking of you and Richard.
Vals I'm glad you posted. Posting has made me see I'm not alone.

LilyTheSavage Mon 03-Aug-15 17:06:10

Hi everybody.

Welcome to Vals. I'm so sorry about your darling boy. It's very much about the "what could have beens" isn't it.

<waves at Shiney> hope you're feeling calm.

Hello to Violet - I'm thinking about starting a howling club. You're welcome to join. You need to bring wine. I'll start you off with a glass though! grin

<waves madly to everybody else - only do madly at the moment as I'm a bit hysterical>

Shineyshoes10 Mon 03-Aug-15 23:01:03

<Tops up val and lily's glasses> Not sure I 'do' calm anymore, more like anxious. I'll be a good fit with your hysterical. Not surprised you feel as you do it's all so so wrong.

Being away and around other children all day is making me realise how bad DTs behaviour and anxiety is and how rubbish I am at dealing with it. Need to do something but not sure what.

shabbs Tue 04-Aug-15 15:04:05

Thanks for 'starting us off' again Lily - remembering Gareth & Matthew - 'my lads' - never, ever forgotten and loved forever and a day xxxx

triplets Tue 04-Aug-15 16:31:04

Can I pop in, I belong here too and I am honoured to say Shabs is one of my very dearest friends who I have met once in real life. We met through the Compassionate Friends over 20 years ago, I wrote about the death of my son and Shabs saw my letter and wrote to me..............friends ever since and I love her to bits. My beautiful boy was three weeks off of his 15th birthday, his name is Matthew. He was never ill, he was at that time our only child. He walked into our garden and collapsed and died instantly, no one was at home. Four years later after 3 attempts at ivf I gave birth to triplets, a girl and two boys, weeks off of my 46th birthday! Our lives changed forever the day he died, the pain is still here, the missing goes we do. Love to you all. xx

LilyTheSavage Tue 04-Aug-15 16:58:38

Hello and welcome to triplets. I'm sorry you're here. I hope this thread gives you as much comfort and support as it does me.

I'm just about to open a bottle of something delicious and cold and fizzy and will raise a glass to our darlings.


cathpip Tue 04-Aug-15 19:27:46

Can everyone just drink my allowance, I'm fat and fed up and my feet have doubled in size........good news is that they are going to deliver baby on the 17th August, strangely enough it's another big one!
I have restarted the counselling as my anxiety over babies arrival has gone through the roof, I'm just so frightened that history will repeat itself.

WoodViolets Tue 04-Aug-15 22:09:13

Hi triplets So sorry about Matthew. The suddenness can be so difficult.

cathpip Best wishes for a safe and smooth delivery. Thinking of you.

Lily Sounds good. wine

Shiney Sending positive thoughts ... re: behavior, I am always asking what is normal, what is just the way DS is, and what is grief ...

Shineyshoes10 Tue 04-Aug-15 22:49:07

Sorry you need to post here triplets. Lots of wine for you. To remember Matthew and keep you sane with triplets.

Good luck for the 17th cathpip. Hope your DH is helping to look after DS1&2 and you are resting. Sorry your anxiety's increased but glad you've restarted counselling. Hope it helps.

wood me too! I ask what's normal 5yo behaviour and what's a reaction to everything that's happened. All I know is they didn't behave like this 5 months ago. I don't know what to punish or how. Any ideas welcome.

shabbs Wed 05-Aug-15 10:16:39

Morning girlsxx

Hiya Trips - good to see you here - except I wish there didn't have to be a thread like this on MNet. Your post made me snotty cry. I value your friendship so much xx

Mojito100 Wed 05-Aug-15 12:40:33

To all who just read and all who post. May you and those dear to you forever remember the loved ones who passed way too early.

I've been absent for awhile just being alone and getting on with things was needed for awhile.

I will happily share what I have done based on the behavioural problems my DS had at the passing of my DD. I will PM you soon. Please note it took help from professionals to hp me understand what I needed to change to help him but it has and it's working.

I know the stress of carrying on without a beautiful child beside you. I can still feel her hand in mine as I drive in the car or walk down the street. I wish she was here for me to hear her giggle.

I hope you all take care of yourselves. It is too easy to expect perfection from yourself. Be kind to yourself.

April1984 Thu 06-Aug-15 09:38:50

Hi just marking my place on this new thread. Will catch up on posts soon thanks x

Shineyshoes10 Thu 06-Aug-15 21:00:19

mojito thanks that would be really helpful. Professionals aren't being very helpful at the minute.

It's so draining having to socialise every evening so I'm currently hiding in the bedroom after getting DTs to sleep. I realise this is my problem and nothing to do with the friends we're staying with who are lovely.

WoodViolets Thu 06-Aug-15 23:06:33

Sorry, Shiney I'm finding I have a lot less energy for socializing, and a lot of things, in general now. Hiding out for awhile can be totally necessary. Hope all goes as okay as it can ...

Hi Mojito What beautiful thoughts ... so sorry about your daughter.

Neverending2012 Fri 07-Aug-15 23:44:41

Just checking in... I can't get away from thinking about this time last year when we were living at the children's hospice for months watching my son deteriorate. There are no words to describe how much we miss our children are there.

WoodViolets Sat 08-Aug-15 14:41:46

Neverending No, there are no words ... thinking of you at this terrible time.

Shineyshoes10 Sat 08-Aug-15 21:55:36

never treasured memories in a surreal place. Watching them deteriorate piece by piece is nearly as hard as losing them. A very lonely path. Thinking of you.

wood glad it's not just me. I've avoided socialising since DD1 died. Not that I did much beforehand. I'm crap company. Hate that others go on like nothing's happened. I've made my excuses and come to hide in bed.

LilyTheSavage Sun 09-Aug-15 08:55:03

Today would have been DS2's last day alive. It's his second anniversary tomorrow. I can't quite believe that it's two years. I can't remember an awful lot about the last two years and feel as if time has just stood still. I feel as if I'm on a knife edge waiting for something to happen. Today is a day weighted down and dull and dark even though the sun is shining and the birds are singing. The WH Auden poem "Stop all the clocks" has it just right.

Mojito100 Sun 09-Aug-15 12:14:42

Walking beside you always Lily. 2 years is too long yet time seems to keep on marching far too quickly.

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