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Can't shake name regret of my 4 year old

(194 Posts)
Anappleaday1 Sat 18-Apr-20 14:46:19

I don't really know the point of posting this, as I obviously wouldn't change it now but I can't seem to get over regretting what we called dd, who is now 4. DH is a teacher and very picky about names. Her name is Lily. I did used to love it, but had reservations about popularity. Dh assured me that it wasn't that popular in the local schools that he had/was teaching in and I think it was just outside top 10 in 2014 (the most recent ons stats available when she was born). We also didn't spend any time around babies/young children as she was our first. But now I hear it everywhere and she is one of three at nursery. I have waves of being ok with it but right now I feel I am obsessing over it, which I realise is pointless and in the grand scheme of things I know very trivial. Perhaps it's a combination of lockdown meaning there is more time to dwell on things, and we have just found out her school for September- it's one form entry so if there are others they will all be in the same class. I just find her name really bland now and regret not being more firm with other options (I generally like more unusual, but classic names). Sorry for rambling. Has anyone experienced name regret for such a long time?

OP’s posts: |
NuffSaidSam Sat 18-Apr-20 14:49:35

Lily is lovely. You can never predict what names will be popular in a certain class/group. Sometimes you end up with one Oliver and three Horatio's or something! She's not always going to be in a big group of Lily's.

What would you change it to if you could? I'm sure Mumsnet can put you right off!

NoMorePoliticsPlease Sat 18-Apr-20 14:51:35

Names always come in fashions. It is a pretty name and not at all like the "unusual" ones that children really hate. Please dont regret this name, you only have to look at the baby names posts on here yo see what parents are saddling their children with, learn to love it, she is her name,

CurtainWitcher Sat 18-Apr-20 14:52:27

I must admit that I know a LOT of children named Lily.

You could change it, but do it sooner rather than later.

thereplycamefromanchorage Sat 18-Apr-20 14:54:17

In the nicest possible way, you really need to find a way to let this go. You can't change a four year old's name. So the only way forward is acceptance. Maybe you are obsessing because of all the other things in life we have lost control of, but you can't do anything about this. You need to find distractions to take the heat out of this.

OwlBasket Sat 18-Apr-20 14:54:25

Bless you. Yes. I regret DDs name, she’s twelve now and it has got easier. I still wish we’d gone with something else although, luckily, there were no other solid options. She’s no idea I’m not keen on her name and whenever she’s asked about other names she might have been called (like children do) she’s always hated the options either I or DP would have chosen if either of us had been naming her alone. TBH I found that really helpful.

AntiHop Sat 18-Apr-20 14:54:58

It's a pretty name. I've got a common names for my generation. I do feel mildly annoyed that my parents weren't more creative, but it's not the end of the world.

Astoatora54 Sat 18-Apr-20 14:55:58

You could change it, but do it sooner rather than later.

I disagree. I think you have to put it behind you. She knows she is Lily now! On the plus side, it's a lovely name. It really doesn't matter how many people share it. My DS started school and there were 3 of them with his name in the class. He's now at secondary and he's the only one! My daughter has the no1 name in our region namewise - and she doesn't have anybody in her class who shares it.

rjebgf Sat 18-Apr-20 14:56:27

It’s a lovely name and that’s why it’s popular. I would have no regrets if it was my dd’s name. Try not to be upset over it, it’s a great name.

Peasypasta67 Sat 18-Apr-20 14:57:07

I'm a teacher and think Lily is a lovely name. I once had 3 in a class of 30 about 10 years ago. And then not taught anymore since. I think it's a nice classic name.

HandfulOfFlowers Sat 18-Apr-20 15:02:00

I like the name Lily. Don't worry if other people also like it for their daughters.

MikeUniformMike Sat 18-Apr-20 15:02:49

It has been very popular for quite some time OP. It's a very pretty name.

It is not trivial, because it is causing you unhappiness. [HUG]

Even if you pick an unusual name, there is no guarantee that no one else would use that name. I can think of two girls at school who had a nice but underused first name and both were in the same class for most subjects, and even ended up in the same hall of residence at uni. They were known as Polly Jane and Polly Dawn (I changed the names too protect them smile)

I can't suggest a solution, other than if Lily is perfectly happy with her name, that you stick with it, or to use a nickname that you might have for her. She might be the only Lily in the school.

MontysOarlock Sat 18-Apr-20 15:03:01

Unless you name a child by rearranging some random scrabble tiles you are never going to have a unique name.

There will always be other children named that name. So what? In school if there is more than one they usually get their surname initial ie Charlie P and Charlie L. But at home she is just your Lily.

We did have 2 girls in the same year with the exact same both first and second name, no middle names. What are the odds? They were not common first names or surnames, no Smith or Jones.

Gizmosnana Sat 18-Apr-20 15:03:19

Lily is a lovely name. When our son was born his name was in the top 3 in the chart of baby names and he had no one in the class with the same name.
Yet his sister born 2 years later her name wasn't on the list and she had 4 girls in her class with the same name.
Go figure.
Has she got a second name you could call her that. Me personally wouldn't change her name.

MikeUniformMike Sat 18-Apr-20 15:03:53

to not too. The names are examples and not their real first or middle names.

majesticallyawkward Sat 18-Apr-20 15:04:57

Lily is a nice name, and you can't really change it now she's 4. I think that's too old to not know and too young to understand.
Yes it's popular but it's her name and she's unique. Focus on your dd as a person rather than a name.

I kind of regret my DSs name, not because of popularity it just wants my top choice. he's only 5 months but I still wouldn't change it, he's owning it and on hindsight I'm glad my dh talked me out of calling him Titus, although I still think he could pull off Archimedes...

HearthandHome Sat 18-Apr-20 15:05:23

Both my children have top ten names. They have never been in a class with someone if the same name. At a large dance school there’s only one other child in other the same name as my eldest. I think you are focussing on the wrong thing here. I actually didn’t particularly like my eldest name. Her father chose her first name. I still don’t like the name but it’s my daughters name and I love her so it doesn’t bother me xx

whatdayisitandotherquestions Sat 18-Apr-20 15:06:39

You could change it, but do it sooner rather than later.

You can't change a child's name at 4! She'll already know it's her name.

It's a lovely name OP, try to find ways to come to terms with it being more popular than you'd like. But please don't change your DD's name at 4!

whatausername Sat 18-Apr-20 15:07:21

I agree with @thereplycamefromanchorage. Time to get busy and clean the gutters or arrange socks by colour or something. Lily is a perfectly nice, ordinary name. A person's uniqueness comes from their personality, characteristics and interests and I'm sure your DD is developing plenty of character. Being 1 of 2 or even 4 is not the end of the world. At least you didn't name her Britney-Karen or Chardonaé-Meazles.

Anappleaday1 Sat 18-Apr-20 15:08:15

Thank you all for being so kind, and talking a lot of sense!
@CurtainWitcher I definitely wouldn't change it at this age, nor would I ever tell her that I wished it was something different.
@thereplycamefromanchorage thank you, I completely agree with you and this is what I am trying to tell myself. I do think you're right about the timing, and that's why my feelings are heightened during these unprecedented times.
I wanted to call her Thea, which DH vetoed. The only other name we agreed on was Alice and she was nearly that, but we were put off as it was tipped to be the royal baby's name so thought it would surge in popularity (I realise the irony in this now!)
@AntiHop my name is also quite common for my age group, but I've always quite liked it, and was very grateful that my parents hadn't gone with the unusual name they nearly called me! So I know I am being ridiculous really, I just wish I didn't feel this way.

OP’s posts: |
GinNotGym19 Sat 18-Apr-20 15:08:37

I like lily
I have one child with a slightly uncommon name and another with a top 5 name.
Doesn’t really bother me that the other has a really common name!
I do have massive regrets about one of their middle names so I do 100% understand how you feel.

matilda2508 Sat 18-Apr-20 15:10:25

I love the name lily, it’s so sweet and pretty, though I personally would have it short for something like Lilian or Lilia, no one will know whether or not it’s her name anyway. If it helps, if kids find it too confusing it’s possible they will call her by her last name instead, thought it’s definitely more of a boys thing, I know loads of people who’s kids get called by their last name at school, and then their normal name at school. Or if there is another Iily one of them could be Lily and the other Lil or Lils and that’s another way to tell them apart.

pooopypants Sat 18-Apr-20 15:11:57

I think that you might just have a bit too much time on your hands to think OP - I certainly have!!!


Lily is a lovely name and quite popular too. My DD has a very uncommon name, never met another.... she's had another girl start in her class with the same name!

matilda2508 Sat 18-Apr-20 15:12:01

Or you could add her middle name in there too, one of my friends daughters is called Josie, and when there was another Josie in the class they started calling her Josie Mae, her middle name as well, because they hated her having to have the same as someone.

Lifesabeach86 Sat 18-Apr-20 15:13:20

Lily is a beautiful name!

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