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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Can't shake name regret of my 4 year old

193 replies

Anappleaday1 · 18/04/2020 14:46

I don't really know the point of posting this, as I obviously wouldn't change it now but I can't seem to get over regretting what we called dd, who is now 4. DH is a teacher and very picky about names. Her name is Lily. I did used to love it, but had reservations about popularity. Dh assured me that it wasn't that popular in the local schools that he had/was teaching in and I think it was just outside top 10 in 2014 (the most recent ons stats available when she was born). We also didn't spend any time around babies/young children as she was our first. But now I hear it everywhere and she is one of three at nursery. I have waves of being ok with it but right now I feel I am obsessing over it, which I realise is pointless and in the grand scheme of things I know very trivial. Perhaps it's a combination of lockdown meaning there is more time to dwell on things, and we have just found out her school for September- it's one form entry so if there are others they will all be in the same class. I just find her name really bland now and regret not being more firm with other options (I generally like more unusual, but classic names). Sorry for rambling. Has anyone experienced name regret for such a long time?

OP posts:
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msflibble · 18/04/2020 18:01

It's a pretty name. I did the same as you OP, named both kids names that I thought were relatively rare but well known. Now all I hear at the playground are parents shouting my children's names! It's fine though, I grew up with a slightly obscure name and people got it wrong all the time. Better that your DD have a popular name that people won't mispronounce or get confused by than a rare one which everyone gets wrong.
It's not trivial at all, it's how you feel - but try not to upset yourself over it. It's her name now, and doubtless she will make it her own in time! How many Kates are there out there, for example, who have a common name but who have made it their own? Or Daniels, or Jameses, or Elizabeths?
Don't fret OP. It's out of your hands anyway. Just be glad you didn't name her Khaleesi Wink

whyarepeoplesostupid · 18/04/2020 18:02

I was at school with four Sarahs and four Alisons. Popular names are just that - popular. Lily is a lovely name, and although you might now feel you wish you had chosen something slightly more unusual, she is probably loving the idea of friends with the same name. You can never be sure what will come into fashion - my brother was called Andrew and a few months later Prince Andrew came in to being, so there were several in all his classes as he grew up! Just remember you chose that name because it is pretty and lovely (and at least it hasn't suddenly become popular after a page three girl, or naff TV programme or something...)....Grin.

EngagedAgain · 18/04/2020 18:12

I'm thinking when pp's have said they couldn't believe it when they heard their unusual child's name either soon after or starting school etc, if the names got round by word of mouth. You only have to tell a few friends, then they tell theirs and so on.

vixxo · 18/04/2020 18:22

She's only 4, I would definitely change it! I agree it's a very bland name.

Land0r · 18/04/2020 18:22

Lily is a beautiful name. I work in a very small prep school (just over 60 children) and we don't have any girls called Lily.

Going back a few years, we had a form of 5 girls and 3 boys. THREE of the 5 girls were called Talullah. (I'd never heard the name outside of Bugsy Malone!) I have never met another Tallulah since.

BoredBoredBoredBoredBoredBored · 18/04/2020 18:26

Honestly Op, it’s lovely.

Spare a thought for me though, I’m 25. I’m Joanne! I mean how boring & unoriginal. It wasn’t even in fashion when I was born. My name should be classed as abuse it’s so dull Grin

I now take an instant dislike to threads when the parents want to regenerate an old fashioned name Grin

sunshineanddaffodils · 18/04/2020 18:27

Lily is a lovely name. The Lily's I know are lovely people tooSmile

HollowTalk · 18/04/2020 18:30

She's only 4, I would definitely change it!

You can't change a 4 year old's name, ffs! Lily knows herself to be Lily - she can't just be told to call herself something else.

circusintown · 18/04/2020 18:33

I know more Thea and alices than I do Lilys

rottiemum88 · 18/04/2020 18:36

For the people suggesting you just change the name, as if a 4 year old doesn't already know their own name Hmm

Lily is fine. Popular for a number of years but absolutely nothing wrong with it. FWIW I was born in the late 80s and was in a form class in high school that had 3 other people with my name, so 4 of us in total in a class of 30. It never bothered me.

Find a way to make peace with it and move on

Pinkypink · 18/04/2020 18:41

I loved my own name and my kids names until I read the threads on mumsnet.
In my op Lily is beautiful, simple and I would consider it a classic that is cute on a little one and great for an adult too.

Snog · 18/04/2020 18:45

Lots of love for the name Lily on this thread OP!

gospaniel · 18/04/2020 18:51

Lily is a beautiful name. DD2 has a Lily in her class and she is lovely.

Dd1 (mid teens) has a name that was popular at the time, and in nursery there were 3 of them.with the same name, but hardly any in secondary.

Dd2 has a name in top 50 in her year of birth, I didn't love it, Dd1 and Dh chose it really but I've grown to love it because it's her name and she really loves it.

I hope you start feeling the same way, it really is a gorgeous name.

lowlandLucky · 18/04/2020 18:52

It is her name now, you just have to accept that. At least you didnt call her Chardonnay.

Kordelia · 18/04/2020 19:02

It's beautiful without being twee or childish. You made a good choice. Really.

covidcougher · 18/04/2020 19:09

Does she have a middle name you could tag on ie lily-Ann or liliana, or similar, you could do that or change it to lily but known as Milly/Jilly/Tilly

Melroses · 18/04/2020 19:12

Lily is in the big pile of names I regret not giving my DDs.

So many names, and only 2 DDs Grin

AllBellyandBoobs · 18/04/2020 19:14

I called my son Isaac. Always loved it, had never met one. Yet there are 3 in his school year and I know 3 other people who have since called their babies Isaac. Just happens that way sometimes. Lily is lovely!

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/04/2020 19:32

Lily is beautiful and a name I really wish I gave to my dd - someone I know had a girl called lily a few years after I had dd and I realised instantly I massively preferred the name. I therefore also have a fair amount of name regret too. My dd really wants to be called Lola atm. I wanted another name as a child and I’m so glad that isn’t my name these days. So even if you’d have called your dd something else, she possibly wouldn’t like it. I don’t like my name either. It’s just a fact of life. And if your dd really hates it enough when she is older, she can change it or go by her middle name.

Anappleaday1 · 18/04/2020 19:50

@Pinkypink I think reading mn name threads is probably what started it off actually!

Sorry to hear of others who are also struggling with similar feelings.
She loves her name, which is all that really matters. Thanks again for the reassurance and positive responses to her name!

OP posts:
MigginsMs · 18/04/2020 19:52

I love Lily

whitedaisies · 18/04/2020 19:59

luckily, there were no other solid options.

How can there be no other solid options when it comes to a name? Houses maybe, or jobs or living arrangements. But names?

MikeUniformMike · 18/04/2020 20:08

OP, it really is a lovely name, please don't mess about with it. I'm sure she's a super little person.

For a pp. A colleague and his wife have recently had a baby. Isaac. I had never particularly liked the name, but when he said that's what they had called the baby, it sounded such a nice name.

WashYourFins · 18/04/2020 20:09

Give her your own nickname - schools usually ask what the given name is and the preferred name.

You could always say it's Lily, short for Tiger-Lily. ;)

shirleyschmidt · 18/04/2020 20:21

If it makes you feel any better OP, my DD is the same age and I haven't heard the name Lily among any of her peers, throughout her whole life (NCT/baby groups/nurseries).

I regret my own DD's name a little, not because I don't like it, but it was my close second choice because DH vetoed my favourite. Wish I'd overruled him but hey ho, and she does suit it! As I'm sure your daughter suits Lily 😊

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