Can't shake name regret of my 4 year old

[Anappleaday1]

I don't really know the point of posting this, as I obviously wouldn't change it now but I can't seem to get over regretting what we called dd, who is now 4. DH is a teacher and very picky about names. Her name is Lily. I did used to love it, but had reservations about popularity. Dh assured me that it wasn't that popular in the local schools that he had/was teaching in and I think it was just outside top 10 in 2014 (the most recent ons stats available when she was born). We also didn't spend any time around babies/young children as she was our first. But now I hear it everywhere and she is one of three at nursery. I have waves of being ok with it but right now I feel I am obsessing over it, which I realise is pointless and in the grand scheme of things I know very trivial. Perhaps it's a combination of lockdown meaning there is more time to dwell on things, and we have just found out her school for September- it's one form entry so if there are others they will all be in the same class. I just find her name really bland now and regret not being more firm with other options (I generally like more unusual, but classic names). Sorry for rambling. Has anyone experienced name regret for such a long time?

[EngagedAgain]

Lily is a lovely name. Yes it probably is too late to change it, and what would your husband think. Does he know? Sorry if I missed something! If she doesn't like it when she's older (but I can't imagine any reason why not) has she a middle name she could use? Either way when she's older IF she wanted to change she could to a middle or anything else, but I think you'll find your concerns are unfounded.

[Anappleaday1]

Just to add, I don't think it's just the popularity- it's probably because it wasn't my top choice, but hearing it everywhere has sort of taken the shine off it that I once felt. We won't be having any more children (also have a son) so maybe it's knowing I'll never get to name another child. But you are all totally right, her name doesn't define her and she is a wonderful little girl that I couldn't be prouder of - I need to focus on that. Thank you all for helping bring me back to reality

[Soubriquet]

I like Lily

You never know what’s popular and what’s not till you start school.

My dd is a Molly. When she was at her previous school, no one in her year group had the same name and I wasn’t aware of other child called Molly in the school either but it was a big school.

Moved house and therefore moved schools and now she is known is Molly X (x being the initial of the surname. Not really X btw).

The other Molly is even in her class! It’s just luck of the draw

[Wotrewelookinat]

You just choose the name YOU like and don’t worry about anyone else. DD1 is called Hannah, a name which I love. I didn’t know any other Hannahs when she was born. She’s a teen now and there are Hannah’s everywhere. 🤷‍♀️ She can change it if she wants to but I still love it!

[couchlover]

I have a lily and sort of regret allowing dh to bombard me to agreeing. Every name I suggested he said he preferred lily. At the time we thought we would have a third so i kind of thought I would be able to get my way the next name. We didn't and I still don't love her name. But over the years I have gotten used to it. Before she started school we couldn't seem to go anywhere without hearing another lily but it has settled down and at school there aren't as many. U like Isabel and its many spellings of which I know 4 in my own circle and know of many others!

[Twaddledee]

Could you change it to a longer name where lily could be the nickname then she has the option to use a longer version later? Eg Delores, Lisbeth, Emmeline, Lillith, Elizabeth, Cecelia?

[Bigpaintinglittlepainting]

Honestly if someone was going to name me I would much much rather be Lily than an Alice or Thea. I’m not a conventional type either

[PanannyPanoo]

My friend has a daughter called Lily, they often call her Lilybet and Lilyanna - neither are anything close to her second name, her name has just evolved. My niece is called Amelia, most people shorten it to Milly, her friends at school call her Lilia. Lily is a beautiful name and if you want to expand it you really can do it quite easily, so she keeps her name but it can become as creative as you both like.

[Yelllow]

I love that name!!

[Tinty]

Can you not just start using a nickname For her that you like.

Both Dd and Ds have nicknames we call them at home and Friends/Teachers call them their actual names.

[Cam77]

People attach too much importance to names. As long as you avoid something stupid like “Tree” or “Marshmallow” or “Pineapple”. Actually I quite like Tree. But people stand out by virtue of their passion, hard work and accomplishments, not their names.

[Michelleoftheresistance]

Lily is a beautiful, classic name. And nicely, now it's hers rather than yours if you know what I mean? If it gets changed it will be if and when she decides to because of how she feels about it, the same way parents who call their child something exceptionally unique has to deal with it if the child tells school and their friends that they're done with being Lightningz and want to be known as Tom.

At school there will be several Harrys, Graces, Olivias, Charlies, Lilys and other names. I've never yet run across kids who mind, and school is a fairly short part of your life where you're in a large group all the time of people the same age. If it helps, I grew up with a unique name and was the only one all my childhood. I hated it, I would have much preferred a usual name. It's now become a popular one that lots of kids of a certain age have, and I often think how different school would have been if I hadn't grown up with the identity of having the weird standout name!

[Anappleaday1]

@couchlover that was exactly our situation!
I don't want to change it, I don't think that's fair to her and I don't want to give her any reason to doubt herself. Middle name wouldn't be an option either - it's a very 50s/60s name after my lovely mum, who she sadly never got to meet. I'm also not keen on any of the other Lily varients. Dh knows how I feel, but can't really understand and he still loves the name. So, Lily she is and Lily she'll stay. I need to start a lockdown friendly hobby!

[Gwynfluff]

My middle dd had a name that wasn’t even top 50 (is now but she is 14). However, it was more popular in the socioeconomic demographic we lived in, so she ended up with several in her school.

[Thefaceofboe]

My god please don’t change her name at that age.

[midnightstar66]

Lily is lovely and timeless. My dd has a more typically foreign name associated with a certain country and there there out to be 3 in her nursery due to the demographic of the area however they both moved so now she's the only one in her school of 600+ pupils. As far as I know there are no Lily's in the school but 1 Lilliana. I now work over 3 year groups so have 110 children age in my care aged 3-6 and we don't have a lily. It's not hugely common but with any name there will be pockets or coincidences even with a more unusual name so don't worry about it being over popular she could easily be the only one with that name in school

[thunderthighsohwoe]

I am a teacher OP and while yes, I have over the last eight years taught a few Lilys, they have all been adorable. That certainly cannot be said for all popular names!

[SomeoneElseEntirelyNow]

If it helps, my name is Lily and i absolutely love it, always have.

[Trooperslaneagain]

It's lovely, classic and will never date.

I love it, OP.

[QuimReaper]

I was going to suggest the same as Twaddle! Come up with a beautiful longer name which can have "Lily" as a nickname. It doesn't even need to make much sense as a nickname - after all, Peggy and Daisy are "short for" Margaret, Harry's "short for" Henry, Jack's "short for" John, etc.

I urge you to pick "Lilith" - SUCH a kickass name. If you don't know, legendarily she was Adam's first wife who was kicked out of Eden for being recalcitrant and sexy, or something. Waterhouse did an amazing painting of her, and I love this one by Collier.

[CaryStoppins]

Lily is a popular name because it's lovely.

Agree with giving her a less usual "full name" like Lillian, Elisabeth, Lilliana if you want her to have options later.

[KC8LL]

I have a very unusual name (which I hated growing up). When I was born there were only 6 other people in the UK with that name - my mum worked for national stats at the time!!
Now I hear the name more often with different variations of pronounciation and spelling! I don't think you can avoid having the same name

[bumblebeefairy]

I agree, you can't change her name now she is four. You could opt for a variation on Lily as a differianting nickname though? I think that Lily is a beautiful name.

[1forsorrow]

I sympathise, I have 4 kids, I chose a name for eldest. I had always wanted to use that name and loved it then and love it now. DH wasn't that keen but went with it as it meant so much to me. So we had a second and he wanted a name I wasn't so keen on but in the spirit of give and take we went with it. It hasn't grown on me, in fact 40 years later I hate it. He chose a name, or maybe his friends did, when he was 11 and it has stuck, we all use that name now. Child 3 came along and we agreed on a name, we both wanted the same name so no argument there. She got to 14 and adopted an unusual shortening of her name. I think it is a shame as her name is beautiful but that is what everyone calls her and it has grown on me. We agreed on child4's name, as soon as he was old enough he told us he hated it and as soon as he was 18 he was going to change it, told us that all through his childhood, got to 18 and decided it was fine.

Names are weird and all I can say is Lily will either love her name, which is beautiful, or one day she will decide she wants to be known as Ninja Princess or something and you will look back and think, "Lily was such a lovely name."

[EngagedAgain]

Fwiw, I had a wobble over my daughter's name when she was in her twenties, maybe early 30's! Then I realised 1. I'd chosen what I thought was right at the time (and always liked) and 2. It actually really does suit her and always has. She shortens it, and has never said anything about not liking it. Plus she's the sort of person who would change it if she didn't like it, so no worries! I've never mentioned it either.