Can't shake name regret of my 4 year old

[Anappleaday1]

I don't really know the point of posting this, as I obviously wouldn't change it now but I can't seem to get over regretting what we called dd, who is now 4. DH is a teacher and very picky about names. Her name is Lily. I did used to love it, but had reservations about popularity. Dh assured me that it wasn't that popular in the local schools that he had/was teaching in and I think it was just outside top 10 in 2014 (the most recent ons stats available when she was born). We also didn't spend any time around babies/young children as she was our first. But now I hear it everywhere and she is one of three at nursery. I have waves of being ok with it but right now I feel I am obsessing over it, which I realise is pointless and in the grand scheme of things I know very trivial. Perhaps it's a combination of lockdown meaning there is more time to dwell on things, and we have just found out her school for September- it's one form entry so if there are others they will all be in the same class. I just find her name really bland now and regret not being more firm with other options (I generally like more unusual, but classic names). Sorry for rambling. Has anyone experienced name regret for such a long time?

[DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy]

Lily is a lovely name - classic, classy, suitable for a little girl and a sophisticated woman. I know THOUSANDS of kids and only one Lily. This feeling will pass 💕

[2bazookas]

On my first day at school I was absolutely gobsmacked to hear the register called and realise another girl in the class shared my name. She was equally amazed; we had both thought we were unique and just could not believe this amazing coincidence . The other one thought we might be twins. To test this out she got her mother to invite me to tea one day after school; We went up to her bedroom and changed into each others clothes than asked her mother if she knew which was which.She did, but wouldn't tell us how she knew. When my father came to collect me , he could tell us apart too.

The next day at school she told me she'd found out how they could tell us apart; her eyes were brown and mine were blue.




She was my best friend for the rest of primary school.

[Ariela]

1. Everyone can spell it - no worries about hyphens etc.
   
2. Everyone can clearly hear it and know what name it is meant to be
   
3. Everyone can read it and say it correctly.

[FizzingWhizzbee123]

I don’t think it’s bland at all. It’s a beautiful, elegant, classic name. She’s not going to have people roll their eyes, or take the mick or get confused over how to spell it. Names like this are popular because they’re lovely. Some kids absolutely love sharing their names with others in their class. The main point here is that your daughter likes her name, she’s really one who has to live with it most so I think that’s the most important endorsement you can get.

And as above..... at least you won’t be looking back in a few years and regretting calling her Khaleesi, as I’m sure some people will!

[thankyougoodbye]

Lily is such a lovely name. The poster who said you can change it at age 4 probably has had a few bevvies at this stage.

OP I understand completely- during lockdown I have been obsessing over things too so have taken to painting, planting, anything to occupy my mind! In the kindest of ways - let this go it really is a lovely elegant name. I only know one - my niece- who I don't see that often but is a darling child.

[gnushoes]

It's a great name. It doesn't matter if others share it. My DS has a top 3 name (after his great grandad) and has yet to be in a school year of giant primaries or secondaries with another.

[megladon2020]

Lily is a lovely name. Doesn't a lot of people think that they could've called their name something else. Age 4 is too old, 4 months yes but I would try and remember why you loved it.

[Whatsyourflava]

@thankyougoodbye your comment about a few bevvies really made me laugh 🤣 (not because it’s a silly thing to say, more because it’s probably true). My 4yo would have been livid if I suddenly changed his name out the blue - it’s not going to go unnoticed at that age (I know OP appreciates this already) x

[thankyougoodbye]

@Whatsyourflava 🤣🤣💓

[FuckYouCorona]

Beautiful name. Don't change it. Is it even possible to change a childs name anyway?

[geojojo]

My son has a very unusual name (although biblical and not weird, I don't think!) and one of the reasons I don't love it anymore is because it is so unusual. People always ask twice and make a comment about it. He is likely to be the only one at his school and I worry he might be teased. So we all worry about something! I gave my younger daughter a far more popular name and I really love it but have already met several others and she is only 2.

Lily is very pretty and it's her name now.

[Eyewhisker]

It’s her name, not yours and she loves it. That’s all you need to know. As long as she loves it, you have done well.

[Jazzilily]

My second name is Lily and I love it! It has the meaning of purity. My first name is very uncommon and often people have a hard time remembering it, I like it and wouldn't change it, but I think having an easy to remember name can have its advantages. Its a beautiful name and nothing to be ashamed of.

[peperethecat]

OP I thought this was going to be something much worse.

Sure, Lily is a very popular name but it's still nice. What makes someone bland or boring is their personality, not their name. The good thing about having a very popular name is that it doesn't say anything about you. If you're a boy called Jaxson then teachers will groan inwardly and assume you are likely to be a delinquent who may end up in jail. If you're a girl called Grace who turns out to be six foot tall and heavy, with huge feet that she's always tripping over, that's going to be unfortunate. If you're called Tiffany or Harper-Rae and you want to be a brain surgeon or a judge then you're going to struggle to be taken seriously. If you're called Colin and you decide you want to be a rock star, well, you will either have to change your name like Sting or style it out like Keith Richards.

Lily is a fine name which will not cause her any embarrassment in life. If she wants to stand out from the crowd she will find other ways. (Hopefully for good reasons rather than bad ones.)

[walkingchuckydoll]

I chose a name for my stillborn that I'd only registered hearing twice in the past 35 years. Not an unknown name, but certainly not popular. After that I hear it everywhere. I looked it up and the name isn't more popular, even declining in popularity but I guess that I register it now when I hear it.

[zscaler]

I think it’s a really pretty name. I’ve also never met a real life Lily! She’s likely to meet fewer and fewer as she goes through life, so try not to worry about it just because it’s popular. It’s popular because it’s so lovely.

[Orphlids]

@2bazookas, I LOVE this story! Great to have that insight into the mind of a child.

[Marcipex]

Fwiw I much prefer Lily to Thea or Alice.
I really don’t think you can change it now.

[Marcipex]

@2bazookas that’s brilliantly funny 😂

[Fudgewhizz]

I think it's a lovely name. As a teacher I've met a fair few, but never so many I've thought 'not another one!' My DD's name was no.3 in the top 100 and she's actually the only one in her class and bizarrely I've not met any others her age!

[Marcipex]

My DGD has a name in the top 5, has been in the top five for years, but she’s the only one in her school.
Lily is lovely.

[Anappleaday1]

@walkingchuckydoll I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you've been through and it puts my 'problem' into perspective. I think you're right about noticing a name more when it's on your radar.

Thank you to all of the other posters for your reassurance. I need to read over this thread when I'm feeling really rubbish about it.

On reflection (of which there has been lots these past few weeks!) I think my main issue with the name is that it wasn't my first choice, and I feel like she didn't really suit Lily but because we couldn't agree on much else we went with it. I think we rushed the decision and if we had of waited, even if we chose the same name then I would have been more at peace with it. It's probably got worse rather than better over the years because now I know we won't have any more I feel sad that I'll never get to name another baby/use my favourite names. I also think that I'm worrying as it being seen as an overused name, which isn't necessarily true for all popular names.

[Poodles03]

It is unfortunate when names explode in popularity once you've already named your child, assuming you didn't want a popular name.

Lily is pretty and cute, but yes it's very overdone now. Perhaps you could alter it to Lilian? Do you like Lilian?

[Eskarina1]

One of mine has a name that is just inside the top 200. It's not common. But both at nursery and in his class at school there's been someone with the same name. In nursery their surname was similar too (think Smith / Smythe but less well known). He LOVES it. He and his namesake are inseperable. A bit like the three Clares at my (80s) school.

[Umnoway]

I know how you feel OP. I chose a rare name for my 9 year old and it has become popular over the past few years so now it isn’t rare at all. Makes me really sad. Still a beautiful name and suits her well.