Mother’s Day Disappointment…

[5upermum]

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

[FTEngineerM]

Well I mean I found out my ass hole boyfriend is secretly meeting with this woman at work.. so rosy I’m moving out with 2 under 2.

You’re in good company. Cheers to a shit Mother’s Day

I hope you’re baby arrives soon, I know how uncomfortable it is!

[ElliotGoss]

I don't think you are pathetic. I would have been upset too. If they baby did come you would have had enough warning for someone to cancel the lunch plans surely?

[Onlyhonest]

He can still make you a cup of tea and some lunch and take toddler out for a couple of hours? There’s a whole day ahead!

[Prinnny]

Nope YANBU, he’s been lazy and thoughtless and I’d be pissed off too.

DH way with Mother’s Day/Valentine’s Day/birthday etc is to just throw money at it, so I’ll get an expensive gift but never a card but I’d value a card or gesture such as a lie in just as much!

[Shoxfordian]

Yanbu
Was he this selfish last year as well?
How is he with birthdays, Christmas, valentines etc?

[Shopboughtmeatballs]

No, its crap. I told the fam' it wasn't good enough a few years ago and now (usually) get a card and a bunch of flowers. But only ever from one of my DD's, and rarely from DH.
Can you take yourself off today OP? Leave toddler with DH and go buy yourself something?

[LizzoBennett]

You are right to be annoyed OP. If I were you I would have sent your DH downstairs with your toddler and laid in. Sometimes you just have to take what you deserve!

I'd also suggest that you tell your DH to book a table at your favourite restaurant for next weekend. It isn't the thoughtful day you want but he won't bother in the future either if you don't shove push him in the right direction now. You shouldn't have to...but you don't want this happening every year!

[thewhatsit]

To be fair, I’m not sure I’d book a table somewhere at 10 days overdue! I’d feel awful if I cancelled last minute and the restaurant lost business and there is a chance you’d have to pay a deposit for Mother’s Day anyway.

But yes tell him you require a break today and he can take the toddler to soft play this afternoon please.

[mnahmnah]

That is a shit start. But there’s time yet…

[Benes]

You are not pathetic. He is!

He's being lazy and thoughtless.

[Teenylittlefella]

I have 4 kids, all secondary/sixth form age

DH went to John Lewis yesterday and has brought back flowers, chocs, champagne and two cards, one from him and one the kids have signed

I am disappointed that not one of the kids has gone to any effort at all. I would have loved a home made card or a nice message or anything.

[Asongfromthedarkesthour]

YANBU but I do understand not booking a table when you are that overdue! Just give him the toddler and tell him you want some peace and are going back to bed. And then don’t make a big deal of Father’s Day for him in the future.

[internetpersonme]

I would be re gifting that watering can on fathers day.

[AnastasiaRomanov]

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money.
Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

[TheSnowyOwl]

Whilst I think you have big expectations for Mother’s Day so I can see it’s easy for feel let down, have you ever told him what you want and what it means to you? If not, I’d suggest doing so and his view of it so at least you can be realistic about what to expect in future.

I do agree about regifting his watering can and lack of input on Father’s Day though.

[Faevern]

It’s not ok if it’s what you like or want or need. We know some people are not bothered but our DP’s should make an effort where needed. It’s easy for disappointment to become the norm. I can see why he wouldn’t book lunch but a lie in and asking is there anything else you would like would be a good start.

If this wasn’t offered I would have said what I wanted.

[Oldh]

He needs to be nice to you, and look after you. But not because it's mother's day, but because you are overdue. Poor you. Remember, mother's day is just pressure inducing rubbish and you are not his mother! It's how he is with you all year that matters.

[thewhatsit]

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money.
Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

There is already a first child.

Look I’m with you in that I “expect” whatever my DS has made at school which is worth so much as he’s so proud of himself .. and that’s it. I don’t need another birthday. But I think the point here is that the OP is 10 days overdue with baby no 2 and is exhausted and she should get a bit of a break, Mother’s Day or not…

[Benes]

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother?

Because they also have a toddler who is too young to organise Mother's Day.

In the real world it's perfectly reasonable that your husband ( who is supposed to love you) steps up and organises something for Mother's Day. It's only on MN where I see the whole ' but he's not your mother'. It's bizarre.

[NotquitewhatImeant]

@internetpersonme

I would be re gifting that watering can on fathers day.

This.

Sorry OP, he sounds thoroughly thoughtless

[Unsureaboutit9]

He got you presents just not ones that matched up to your expectations, and many places require a deposit for Mother’s Day so
I can understand not booking that. Frankly a meal in a busy restaurant on Mother’s Day while unwell, with a toddler and 10 days over due sounds miserable. Hopefully he treats you properly generally! But honestly I’ve never understood why women think they’re owed a huge fuss because they choose to go over the top for Father’s Day.

Not making a cup of tea or offering a lie in is what would have annoyed me here though, he should be doing this every day at the minute. Hopefully your being annoyed at him will encourage him to put in more day to day effort.

[Faevern]

@AnastasiaRomanov in your rush to mock the OP did you miss the fact the OP has a toddler?

It’s very common for parents of young children to buy the cards and gifts for the other parent for any occasion.

[Onlyforcake]

I've got to go to CAMHS with one child who recently took an o erdode, highlighting my absolute shit parenting. Not a surprise I've got no cards really. All i deserve. I've got work later, I don't normally work Sundays but it's a case of my manager fucking up but SHE has COVID. So off I go at 8.30 pm.

[Merrymouse]

Never mind Mother’s Day, at this stage in pregnancy he should be bringing you a cup of tea and looking after the toddler anyway!