Page 11 | Mother’s Day Disappointment…

Jillybloop393 · 28/03/2022 18:05

Not being unreasonable in the slightest ..... he was out of order. He can't put it right now, it's too late, but I think he was incredibly thoughtless, and I would have felt very upset, unloved and taken for granted.

danni92 · 28/03/2022 18:09

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

I feel sad for you with this attitude. No she isn't his mother, but she is the mother of their child and some effort is the least any father should do!

WTAFhappened123 · 28/03/2022 18:17

He’s just set the bar for Fathers Day. If I was ur MIL I’d be having a firm word with my son!!!

Sceptre86 · 28/03/2022 18:17

He still could have ordered you an afternoon tea or made it. He could have given you breakfast in bed. He could have arranged a picnic and took garden chairs so you could be somewhat comfortable. He could have ordered a takeaway bought flowers got a cheap but cheerful present from Card factory. He could have taken care of your other child whilst you have a bath, a nap or many other things. He was thoughtless and I'm glad you told him but I think you ate daft for still wanting to make a fuss on fathers day. I did read your justification for it but I think that's piss poor. The kids will only learn about being thoughtful caring for people beyond yourself if you both demonstrate that behaviour regularly not just you.

Mumontour85 · 28/03/2022 18:21

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

What a total asshole comment. OP doesn't give a fuck about you or how miserable you and your partner are for M or F's day, they clearly do celebrate it and OP was let down.

I think the general consensus in most households is that whilst the kids are too little to take responsibility, it is the other parents role to spoil the parent - it doesn't have to be about money! A lie in and a cuppa in bed are very viable options.

I got my lie in... I woke up to a hungover husband asleep on the coach with our toddler watching Paw Patrol! The house was a state, there was no tea, and we had forgotten the clocks were going forwards so quickly ran out of time to go for the picnic we had talked about (obviously he had done nothing about) Ended up making my own lunch as Darling husband and toddler napped. We had a huge row and he stormed off, me and bubba had a lovely time without him in the garden planting some new veggies! DH crawled home an hour later with flowers, chocolates, a promise of Chinese and a do-over next Sunday.

Men suck sometimes for this stuff!

liveforsummer · 28/03/2022 18:35

I dont think men realise how much things like mothers day means to mums.

You're generalising. Many mums couldn't care less and some men are kind and thoughtful. Where it falls apart is when the mum that cares is with the thoughtless man. Most should know if their partner is likely to get upset. My dc were given a tenner by their dad (we aren't together). They picked up the first thing they saw in the Mother's Day display in sainsburys which was £4 so I got that little bit of tat plus £6 😆. They also forgot a card as were too busy thinking about what ice creams to buy. They are 9 and 12 so could probably have done a bit better but really it's fine and I know they appreciate me . It's only a money making day anyway so tbh the £6 was better off in my pocket as a low income single parent 😆. They ended up arguing within about 30 seconds of presenting me with it anyway and were sent out the room then normal Sunday service resumed. No big deal

Nanny0gg · 28/03/2022 18:54

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

So? That's you.

The OP and many others feel differently and presumably her husband knows that.

So the issue is whether or not he cares about how his wife feels

MsTSwift · 28/03/2022 18:59

The “you are not his mother” is such a stupid view. Most posters have tiny kids so the other parent needs to help them.

Dh would be gutted if no fuss was made of him on Father’s Day!

NannaKaren · 28/03/2022 19:11

What is wrong with men like this ?!?! His behaviour is disgusting-is poor baby (him) in a tizzy about baby no 2?! He needs to man up and for goodness sake, making a cup of tea and a bunch of daffs would not have killed him…lazy pig!
I hope you soon give birth and that he comes good, taking care of you and the little ones until you are feeling able - goodness it’s a good job men don’t give birth!

Sending you loads of love darling girl xxx

Oysterbabe · 28/03/2022 19:17

Small children get so much joy out of presenting mummy with a bunch of daffs and a card. You'd have to be a proper miserable fucker to not bother facilitating that because the recipient is 'not your mother'.

Mangofandangoo · 28/03/2022 19:25

Book a pregnancy massage and tell him he's paying!

Sorry OP, it's very thoughtless of him

Fluffmum · 28/03/2022 19:35

I bought my own present.

GingerWit · 28/03/2022 19:43

@5upermum

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

Come Father's day in June you need to do the following- Buy yourself a card, several gifts, leave the kids with him, walk out of the house, get yourself a coffee and lunch and tell him you forgot when you come home peeeesed at 8pm.

PearlyShamps · 28/03/2022 19:48

I think you ANBU. if you have a toddler, the likelihood is that you have only had 1 or 2 Mother's Days before COVID came along and put the kybosh on celebrating Mothers Day in restaurants, or with extended families, for 2 consecutive years!! As far as I remember, Father's Days were not in such strict lockdown conditions - if any.

I'm sorry your DP didn't make more of a fuss. It does seem his excuse is a little pathetic. We live in an age where plans are often cancelled for one reason or another at the last minute... it wouldn't have been terrible to cancel a restaurant reservation if you'd have gone into labour.

Better luck with him getting it right next year.

Passenger42 · 28/03/2022 19:48

I’m a single parent and bought my own card to give to my mother to get my child to sign and give to me along with the one he made at school. I bought cards for her from myself and my 8 yr old son and cooked Sunday dinner for my mum. I can see you were disappointed with your husband but it’s really not worth getting bothered about. If you had a card and a gift no matter how practical, you did get something. You will laugh about this in years to come x

Supergirl1958 · 28/03/2022 20:01

I've had three mother's days so far and all of them have been shit with a lack of effort.

Mother's day one when Baba was three months old, I was being too dramatic about covid despite it all being new...so we had a row.

Last year, I was ill after my covid jab and my baby was ill too!

Yesterday. An hour's lie in, but no effort made and I cooked a roast!

Next year I don't want to bother...I thought mother's day was supposed to be a good day but I'm yet to enjoy one!

AnastasiaRomanov · 28/03/2022 20:07

I’m genuinely astonished by some of the attitudes on here. When my kids were too small to do cards etc at nursery ir school, it wouldn’t have occurred to me that OH should do something for me. It just wouldn’t have crossed my mind. Yet there are people in a meltdown about it. It’s just a made up day!

Hertsgirl10 · 28/03/2022 20:55

At least you know what to do when Father’s Day comes around, same effort!!

msgreen · 28/03/2022 21:39

Had to kick out my lying cheating partner of 25 years a few months back, I am a single mother and 60 my teen daughter didn’t feel like doing anything, so I spent the day alone .nothing new
Having spent years living with a covert Narcissist
All birthdays mothers days etc where always the same no one did anything but for everyone else I always push the boat out and try and make their day special. No more from now on it’s me myself and I planning things to do for me .

LittleMousewithcloggson · 28/03/2022 21:40

This thread has just come up as an article on my Facebook - posted by indy100.com news.
On the plus side op, every commenter there also thinks he’s a complete tosser!

Notmrsfitz · 28/03/2022 21:42

I was there in this situation for 20 plus years - you need to nip this in the bud and explain/tell him what you expect and should it not happen remind him and order yourself a gift !!!

Finances may not always stretch to lavish gifts but cups of tea in bed, a bacon sandwich and a drive out even if you take sandwiches makes the day special and you can flowers at Tesco for £2.50.

AnnieSnap · 28/03/2022 22:49

@Teenylittlefella

I have 4 kids, all secondary/sixth form age

DH went to John Lewis yesterday and has brought back flowers, chocs, champagne and two cards, one from him and one the kids have signed

I am disappointed that not one of the kids has gone to any effort at all. I would have loved a home made card or a nice message or anything.

It often gets worse as they get older. One of my adult children sent me a ‘happy mother’s day’ text at 7pm 🙄

lionsandwhales · 29/03/2022 00:24

So, I have likey been with my dh far longer than OP. I got some cheap tacky underwear from do (chocs from kids). I know what he is trying to say but utterly disappointed. Have explained many times how this is a gift for him. This is not the route for getting into my pants. Quite opposite. He means well, hacks me off as doesn't listen. Should I persist in explaining what gets me in the mood at a later date or just give up forever?

Ineke · 29/03/2022 01:30

@Onlyforcake please don’t think that your child’s overdose attempt reflects on your parenting. It must be incredibly hard for you going through that.Please seek some help and support for yourself, Samaritans can sign post you to the best organisation for this unbearable time you are going through.

xmaswiththeinlaws · 29/03/2022 11:14

My DH did absolutely nothing for our first Mother's Day when DD was 11 months old. I must admit I was gutted but his response was that I'm not his mother. He has more than made up for it over the years since and drags the kids out shopping for cards. Sadly the kids don't make much effort of their own.