Mother’s Day Disappointment…

[5upermum]

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

@Benes

But you aren’t his mother. Surely the four year old is of an age he can put together a card at nursery to mark the occasion? Seriously? You expect a 4 year old to sort their own Mother's Day card and gift?

How ridiculous. It is not unreasonable to expect your partner to step up and make an effort especially when you have young children.

My two year old came home from nursery with a card and sunflower planted in a pot so yes, I do expect nursery to help a preschool aged child put together a card. Not sure how you misread what I said to interpret they can put together a gift as well. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It doesn’t matter whether you/he/we think Mother’s Day is a load of balls - it’s about how this total lack of effort makes you feel! I got as usual a hastily written (in front of me) card and petrol station flowers after having already been up for hours with the kids (4 and 1.5). DH had obviously totally forgot until he saw the cards made at nursery (bless all those early years teachers). I took the kids out yesterday and bought us all treats and booked us a late lunch at a nice pub later today. I console myself with thought that as I have to get his (lovely) mum something every year, at least it’s not personal!
Hand him the toddler and go and do something nice for yourself OP

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

Wow, its surely only on MN where people like you can be this mean and tone deaf!!

Given you clearly didnt read her post properly and just wanted to jump on a mother feeling upset, tired and vulnerable right now, I can only assume you are a bit of an arse. Are you feeling happy now?

OP, I hear you. You just want some acknowledgment and a little effort. Clearly a toddler is too young to figure it out themselves and DH could have "helped" them do something, even to make a card or a picture and bring it to you with a cuppa.

I dont want gifts on Mothers day, I just want a bit of thought. I dont ask to be waited on hand and foot or anything, but a cuppa and a bar of chocolate can go a long way.

Ignore the mean people above, you have every right to feel upset.

DH has had Covid and been quite ill with it. DS currently has Covid.
They managed a home made card and breakfast/ tea in bed so how your DH didn’t manage this is beyond me.

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

She's also got a toddler , who probably wouldn't be able to get to the shops for a card.

@Teenylittlefella

I have 4 kids, all secondary/sixth form age

DH went to John Lewis yesterday and has brought back flowers, chocs, champagne and two cards, one from him and one the kids have signed

I am disappointed that not one of the kids has gone to any effort at all. I would have loved a home made card or a nice message or anything.

Bloody Hell , talk about diamond shoes being too tight .

If someone posted that their lazy arsed teens didnt make an effort , the rreplies would be Well didn't your DH go out and get some presents with them

Your DH went off and bought some presents .
Maybe he didn't want to drag 4 young people with him.

Your DH has been fantastic. . You have your card from your DC .
Get your DC to make dinner ( or maybe your DH has already arranged it )

@internetpersonme

I would be re gifting that watering can on fathers day.

😂😂😂

It's rubbish OP. It takes so little effort to make it nice, yet they still can't be arsed. A supermarket/M&S meal deal. Breakfast tray with daffodils and a coloured card from your toddler. Try and set these traditions now. I dobt know about you, but I'd be happy with that every year. Maybe some chocolates you like. It's just not hard is it.

I do understand nit wanting to book a table but that doesn't mean do nothing does it. So many places round here doing lovely takeaway afternoon teas .

Send him out with DD, tell him what to get and tell him he needs to sort it out himself next year.

Life has obviously moved on in our house. DS moved out recently so this is the 1st Mothers Day he hasnt been here. I woke up this morning thinking "Oh well, im going to have to make my own cuppa this mother's day arent i?" Then comes a knock on the door. It is a Maccy's breakfast deliverd by Deliveroo! My boy knows me well.

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

Out of interest, how do you teach your kids to treat someone if not by helping them and setting an example?

I was helped to buy Christmas etc presents for people for as long as I can remember. I even gave my teenage big sister two poind coins when my Dad persuaded me that she really wouldn't like any of the heinous tat that I wanted to purchase and heard her say she wanted money.

I agree with not booking a table to go for lunch with you heavily pregnant but tea in bed and some effort to give you a break is sometimes all us mums want. It costs little does means a lot. I have 6 DC. And it’s hard work with my DH working this weekend. But he still got up before he left for work . Sorted the DC. made a cup of tea and a bacon butty and brought the little ones in with small gifts they had made . He has now left for work and my mums days is now as per most days but the little gesture this morning that didn’t cost a penny was plenty enough to make me feel appreciated. That’s wots mums day is. Feeling appreciated. I hope he steps up as you have the whole day ahead of you know and he still has chance to redeem himself.

He should have stepped up. Send him out to M&S for a lunch that you would like. Tell him to take the toddler.

At this stage you will be feeling tired and emotional he should have consider this.

It is Mothering Sunday here. It is historical not American. Servant girls were allowed to go home for one day a year to visit their mothers. Some were allowed to bake a cake to take.

My DD is in NZ and asked her dad to write on her new design card which had just been printed and I wasn’t to see. He showed me yesterday as he left it out while packing her work up to send to the gallery.

DS2 came on Friday with a bunch of flowers and a lovely card because he is working and DS1& DS3 can’t come because I have Covid. I was hoping to have a meal with them. So I am also disappointed. DH was still asleep so I got up and made me own tea but I took it back to bed.

Jesus a cup of tea in bed would not have killed him!

Love to all those mums on here. We do a great job. All of us.

Not every mother on Mumsnet is a good one. The same as I’d you walked into a random shopping centre, not everyone there is a great mother just because they happen to be in a particular place at a particular time.

There are some shit mothers on here. There are some fantastic ones.

There are some who fell at the first hurdle by choosing shit, selfish men to gather their children.

I don't think you are being pathetic.
I have 4 children and I didn't get anything the school have also stopped making Mother's/Father's day cards so I didn't even have that to look forward to.
Ive been up 6 times in the night (4 month old baby) and frankly I'd sell a kidney just to have a cuppa tea in peace but I've not even been given that

@Tana433

Life has obviously moved on in our house. DS moved out recently so this is the 1st Mothers Day he hasnt been here. I woke up this morning thinking "Oh well, im going to have to make my own cuppa this mother's day arent i?" Then comes a knock on the door. It is a Maccy's breakfast deliverd by Deliveroo! My boy knows me well.

Awww you've raised him well!!

OP, I hear you. You just want some acknowledgment and a little effort. At 10 days overdue she should be getting this anyway, no?

In the last month of my second pregnancy I think all the heavy lifting with a toddler fell naturally to my husband because he understood I was tired.

I'd take your self off to bed and order in a nice take away for one which you can scoff in bed whilst he takes care of the toddler.
And YES to re gifting the watering can for fathers day and nothing else.

Id be having some very serious conversations about how he is going to support you once baby no 2 arrives. This does not bode well.

Personally I have never seen the point of mother or father's day its commercialise shit that generates drama every year .

@Benes, thankyou, he is one of the good ones even though i say so myself! He is coming round later for his tea so ive not been totally abandoned!

My two year old came home from nursery with a card and sunflower planted in a pot so yes, I do expect nursery to help a preschool aged child put together a card. Not sure how you misread what I said to interpret they can put together a gift as well. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I didn't misread - I added the gift as getting mum a card and a gift is pretty standard in the real world.

What if your young child doesn't go to nursery or if school/nursery don't do mothers /Father's Day cards?
Do you have to wait until your child is old enough to go to the shops? And how do they know that's expected of them if they've never seen it at home?

It is not unreasonable to expect your husband or partner to make a little bit of effort on occasions such as Mother's Day.

[quote Tana433]@Benes, thankyou, he is one of the good ones even though i say so myself! He is coming round later for his tea so ive not been totally abandoned![/quote]
Lovely! 💐

Presumably this man didn't just wake up today and decide to be useless waste of space and this is a general pattern of behaviour? If your partner doesn't match up to your expectations then why are you even with them?

My mum is spending her first mother's day without my brother, who died last year. I can't go and visit her because I have covid. So she's all alone. Sometimes you have to count your blessings.

Yanbu particularly because you asked him to make an effort. Pregnancy can be so tough, you deserve a treat!