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Original poster

Mother’s Day Disappointment…

283 replies

5upermum · 27/03/2022 09:37

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

OP posts:
CallmeHendricks · 27/03/2022 11:58

Oh you poor thing. That sounds really rubbish of him. You're growing a human, ffs, and the least he could do, particularly at this stage, is take extra special care of you.

Here are some Flowers and Cake from me. xx

Yummymummy2020 · 27/03/2022 11:59

Ah no that’s crap op. You are not at all unreasonable especially at the end of a tough pregnancy. Know exactly how you feel there was me last year trying to manage a toddler and it was crap. I hope you go into Labour soon, for me the relief was almost immediate once the baby was out. I second regifting the stupid watering can. I also agree to nip this crap in the bud, won’t happen next year then!!! You are not looking for fancy gifts just some thought and recognition which is perfectly reasonable!!!

Andouillette · 27/03/2022 12:02

Just to add, I am sorry OP, that is shitty. All that's needed is a little effort to make you feel a bit special. My DH is a bit crap about that sort of thing too but fear not, one day your DC will be old enough to do thngs under their own steam and make some effort so you feel at least a bit appreciated and that really does help. I won't see eldest today as quite rightly she's busy with the DGC (but she phoned), middle one is still in bed, but then so am I, youngest will be joining us much later (busy) and I will get a nice meal tomorrow. It does improve as they get older!
Hope your baby arrives soon, and treat yourself to something nice!

loopylizard · 27/03/2022 12:03

I'm sorry OP, and to everyone having a shit mothers day. I am too Sad

Annette32123 · 27/03/2022 12:04

@5upermum

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

It’s not too late. Tell him his task for the rest of the day is to make you feel special.

Then hand him the toddler and say he has two hours to plan while you have a bubble bath and read a book. Take a nice cup of tea to the bath with you. Tell him you expect another to be delivered in an hour. Tell him you do not expect to be disturbed otherwise.

ancientgran · 27/03/2022 12:04

@Benes

But you aren’t his mother. Surely the four year old is of an age he can put together a card at nursery to mark the occasion? Seriously? You expect a 4 year old to sort their own Mother's Day card and gift?

How ridiculous. It is not unreasonable to expect your partner to step up and make an effort especially when you have young children.

Maybe they don't do it at school anymore, back when mine were little they would come home with something they'd made. I remember the first one when DS1 was at nursery, I think he'd have been four. They had a circle of coloured cardboard that they stuck tissue on to look like flowers and they had learned a little rhyme to say when they handed it over. It came home sealed in a brown paper bag. So nearly 50 years later I remember what they had learned, "Here's a posy bright and gay just for you on Mother's Day. It brings my dearest love to you on this springtime morning." I loved it and it obviously stuck in my mind. I thought it was lovely that the teacher had thought of it but maybe now they worry about upsetting kids who haven't got a mum at home.

I think OP should be having a bit of fuss regardless of Mother's Day but obviously he should have helped the toddler. We never go out for a meal on Mother's Day as it tends to be so busy so we used to have it the week before, this year we did it yesterday but only one of my kids were home but one is better than none.

I hope the baby is here soon and all goes well and Happy Mother's Day to all mums.

EmetophobicElle · 27/03/2022 12:08

@Onlyforcake

I've got to go to CAMHS with one child who recently took an o erdode, highlighting my absolute shit parenting. Not a surprise I've got no cards really. All i deserve. I've got work later, I don't normally work Sundays but it's a case of my manager fucking up but SHE has COVID. So off I go at 8.30 pm.
Your child needing CAMHS treatment says nothing about your parenting Onlyforcake. There are so many things that happen in someone's life and so much of it has nothing to do with parenting (genetics, school, general life experiences play just as much of a role).

If anything the fact that you've recognised your child's need for CAMHS makes you an exceptional mother.

SageRosemary · 27/03/2022 12:12

@Onlyforcake

I've got to go to CAMHS with one child who recently took an o erdode, highlighting my absolute shit parenting. Not a surprise I've got no cards really. All i deserve. I've got work later, I don't normally work Sundays but it's a case of my manager fucking up but SHE has COVID. So off I go at 8.30 pm.
Happy Mother's Day @Onlyforcake - you are absolutely not a shit parent. I wish all the best for your child and you. Get out, enjoy the sunshine and breathe. Life is stressful and what your child does is not on you alone, hopefully CAMHS will find solutions to whatever pressures your child is feeling and s/he will cope better.

Hope your manager makes a speedy recovery too so you can enjoy next Sunday better.

tiddlywinks2 · 27/03/2022 12:14

Same in my household. Thanks

I have 3 young children, bought myself a book for the kids to give me. OH promised the kids he would do breakfast in bed with them, he didn't, he stayed in bed instead.

I've found now, that if you expect no effort the disappointment isn't as bad.

I hope you're ok OP Thanks

missingeu · 27/03/2022 12:14

Welcome to the club. I have had some good mothers day and some awful.. bit like birthdays.

It's 12, no -one is up, I was promised breakfast, LOL. I've walked the dogs, cleaned and am now straving.

DH announced last year, I'm not his mother (which is true) and has left it to the teenagers, which is hit and miss.

Happy Mothers day.

SummerDays2020 · 27/03/2022 12:19

@Tana433

Life has obviously moved on in our house. DS moved out recently so this is the 1st Mothers Day he hasnt been here. I woke up this morning thinking "Oh well, im going to have to make my own cuppa this mother's day arent i?" Then comes a knock on the door. It is a Maccy's breakfast deliverd by Deliveroo! My boy knows me well.
That really made me smile! How lovely Flowers
Wheresthebeach · 27/03/2022 12:20

You are right to be upset. Tell him to sort a nice dinner and to get you some flowers and chocolates this afternoon. Tell him if he doesn’t buck up his ideas pronto that next year you will organise what you want with the kids and he will be excluded. Also tell him Father’s Day will be a non event. You aren’t asking for the world and he’s being a dick

RobertsRadio · 27/03/2022 12:20

@WindyKnickers

Presumably this man didn't just wake up today and decide to be useless waste of space and this is a general pattern of behaviour? If your partner doesn't match up to your expectations then why are you even with them?

My mum is spending her first mother's day without my brother, who died last year. I can't go and visit her because I have covid. So she's all alone. Sometimes you have to count your blessings.

@WindyKnickers - I'm so very sorry for the loss of your brother, your poor Mum, today will be so hard for you both. My condolences Flowers.
grapewines · 27/03/2022 12:21

While this is shit, it's always a bit surprising that women with shit partners think the partners will miraculously be less shit on birthdays and mother's day.

First thing you do is stop pandering to him on father's day.

CornishGem1975 · 27/03/2022 12:21

Eventually, my kids got up and presented me with a whole load of cake (I am on a diet) and a jumper which I will never wear because it's a) not my style and b) way too short and I always cover my crotch so without meaning to come across ungrateful (to my DH - he's their SD but he got it) I'll have to change it otherwise it's a complete waste of cash. Annoyed because he knows this about me already and it would have been a last-minute panic purchase.

Minfilia · 27/03/2022 12:24

At least you got something. I got fuck all!

Missusmiddleage · 27/03/2022 12:25

Your not being unreasonable at all, I've literally just posted the same (near enough) thing, literally cant do this anymore

Imanidiotiknow · 27/03/2022 12:27

Not unreasonable and same here op.
I got a bent card with no envelope, then dh took himself off for a nap.

houselikeashed · 27/03/2022 12:32

mum to 19 and 17yr olds.

dd on a sleepover, ds just gone to collect her.
no tea in bed. no card. no text message.

GeneLovesJezebel · 27/03/2022 12:43

All I’ve had so far is one message with some crappy excuse of why they won’t be seeing me today.
It’s disappointing that they can’t make any effort whatsoever.

monarchoftheglen · 27/03/2022 12:43

Mother's day disappointment here too (I've lost count now of how many of them have been awful).
Last night when he announced he hadn't bought me anything, I mentioned I was a bit miffed - he then stamped off to the supermarket to buy bread, came back with some notes, chucked them on the side in the bathroom (I was in the bath), and snapped "here, have this, buy whatever the fuck you want" and walked out. That was last night about 9pm, he slept on the sofa for most of last night and has barely spoken to me since (not even a 'happy mother's day'). Ouch.
DCs are both under 10 so could hardly have sorted it themselves.

Iloveyourbracelet · 27/03/2022 12:44

At least now you know that no effort is required for father's Day.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/03/2022 12:46

So lazy, how hard is it to pick up a card and some flowers from anywhere and go out for a pub lunch?

Pinkflipflop85 · 27/03/2022 12:49

Currently crying in my bedroom because I got sweet fuck all.

I don't care about a gift but cards from the kids would have been nice.

StickyStickyStickStickSong · 27/03/2022 12:50

😔 awww @5upermum I just wanted to give you a big virtual hug and wish you a happy Mother's Day ❤️
🙏🏻 Please Don't make a fuss for him on Father's Day. Bastard

Good luck for your new baby's arrival (hopefully very soon) xxx

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