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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mother’s Day Disappointment…

283 replies

5upermum · 27/03/2022 09:37

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

OP posts:
LabelMaker · 27/03/2022 10:17

At that stage if pregnancy I'd be expecting him to bring me cups of tea etc anyway regardless of it being mother's day.

I hope baby arrives soon x

LabelMaker · 27/03/2022 10:18

@Merrymouse

Never mind Mother’s Day, at this stage in pregnancy he should be bringing you a cup of tea and looking after the toddler anyway!
Snap!
GrendelsGrandma · 27/03/2022 10:18

Leave him with the kid, take yourself back to bed and order yourself something on deliveroo.

phishy · 27/03/2022 10:18

Please tell me you’re going to make zero effort for him on Father’s Day (and his birthday and Christmas)? Please don’t say you don’t want to be petty.

Merrymouse · 27/03/2022 10:20

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.
Because this stage of motherhood is hard, and it’s nice to have something to celebrate.
menomother · 27/03/2022 10:21

Yes, OP, you are right in what you say. That's piss poor behaviour from your dh. My brother never gave my mum a card or gift (as he didn't believe in it, what with it being capitalist claptrap, etc etc).. She died a few years back. It used to really upset her. She never wanted much - a card, a small bar of chocolate. What upset her was that he didn't give the time of day to at least recognise all she had done for him as a mother, and, you know, it would have taken one second of his time...

I think you need to tell dh how upset you are, how it made you feel. Do it quietly, leave it hanging there and then take yourself out for a walk in the park so he can think on it.

You deserve so much more.

LabelMaker · 27/03/2022 10:21

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.
He's expected to help the toddler. Ffs.
Cara671244 · 27/03/2022 10:21

Well I've a hungover partner who's lying asleep on the sofa. Came home at 3am... A 4 year old that's decided to wake at 5.30am... told him to go to bed because the site of him asleep just pisses me off and he won't because it's mother's day!!! Eh yeah great help sleeping on the bloody sofa!!! Cheers to another shit one🙄🙄

Sailfin · 27/03/2022 10:21

My 19 year old son didn't bother. I'm trying to rise above it.

I do sympathise Thanks

CornishGem1975 · 27/03/2022 10:21

YANBU. I feel your disappointment, it's not too much to expect a small fuss at least.

My DH is amazing in every way but shit at forward planning or arranging stuff so I'm disappointed today. It's been half hearted since I got up "thought we could go for a walk and get a drink" ie I've not booked anywhere for lunch (I said no as everywhere will be heaving without a booking - first Mother's Day jn 2 years you can actually go anywhere?) and then "I'll take the baby out and go for a run to give you some peace...and I'll pick up some breakfast" because he's not thought about it at all and now he has to drive to his parents to take his mum a card as well. I don't say anything but it does piss me off!

I even hinted at him booking something...every other year I've booked it myself and I've decided to stop that. And I'll be doing shit all on Father's Day. Smile

RoseGoldEagle · 27/03/2022 10:23

It's not really about Mother's Day here- he should be giving you a lie in and taking your toddler regardless of the day. Is he generally a good partner? DH and I have three kids five and under and have a lie-in on one weekend day each- on that day we take up a cup of tea and toast to the other person and let then have 1-2 hours of child free time. Consequently I couldn't really care less about Mothers Day, although my 5 year old did make me a sweet card at school. Am really sorry you're feeling crap, if I were you I'd get dressed, and go out to a coffee shop and sit and have some peace, while he looks after your toddler. Hope baby comes soon.

melj1213 · 27/03/2022 10:25

Tbf I would definitely not book anything like a meal out for Mothers Day at 10 days overdue as you could have to cancel at short notice and the restaurant misses out on the money and I know a lot of hospitality venues are still struggling after covid so would not appreciate a lost booking especially on a day like Mothers Day where they're likely to be booked up and turning people away.

Other than that, yes your partner definitely could have made more of an effort - a cup of tea and taking the toddler to the park for an hour are not massive expectations to have on any day, never mind Mothers Day

Frenchie8690 · 27/03/2022 10:26

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.
I sort of agree with this tbh. I've seen lots of threads about mother's day this week and it seems to create a lot angst. DH never does things for me per se but he helps the kids make a card or hide the thing they bring home from nursery/school. I wouldn't take him out for a meal on father's Day tbh
MrsHugget · 27/03/2022 10:26

After my rant yesterday DH took the kids to buy me a card and my youngest got me a really silly one and came to give it to me. Teen has sent his card in with younger one as he's "too tired " to bring it in !
I got up first and sorted the dog but have now got a coffee in bed. This is all I wanted.
Love to all those mums on here. We do a great job. All of us. It's hard work and it should just be a nice day to have that recognised.

Oysterbabe · 27/03/2022 10:28

It's still early so tell him how you'd like the rest of the day to pan out. He can make you a cup of tea then take the toddler to the park. After that they can pop to M&S to pick up some nice, easy to prepare food and you can have a lovely lunch at home and some sparkling grape juice.

TheSnowyOwl · 27/03/2022 10:28

@Cara671244

Well I've a hungover partner who's lying asleep on the sofa. Came home at 3am... A 4 year old that's decided to wake at 5.30am... told him to go to bed because the site of him asleep just pisses me off and he won't because it's mother's day!!! Eh yeah great help sleeping on the bloody sofa!!! Cheers to another shit one🙄🙄
But you aren’t his mother. Surely the four year old is of an age he can put together a card at nursery to mark the occasion?
MoiraNotRuby · 27/03/2022 10:28

BrewFlowersCake Sorry your husband is so lazy and selfish, yanbu. Good luck with the baby, I promise its easier with a toddler and newborn than it is with toddler and being overdue xx

My3cents1 · 27/03/2022 10:31

I so feel for you.
I have spent years being thoughtful with gifting and no thought in return. Clearly just shows a lack of thought, love and respect. I got a one £ box of chocolate. I know I should be grateful but I find it an insult. Go treat yourself, order yourself something lovely. Know your worth.

Benes · 27/03/2022 10:31

But you aren’t his mother. Surely the four year old is of an age he can put together a card at nursery to mark the occasion?
Seriously?
You expect a 4 year old to sort their own Mother's Day card and gift?

How ridiculous. It is not unreasonable to expect your partner to step up and make an effort especially when you have young children.

bumpabroad · 27/03/2022 10:32

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.
Yes OP. Why didn’t your toddler get themselves down to the shops and sort out a card and present for you? They could really have booked a table at a restaurant too, it’s not that difficult. They can even do it online if their talking isn’t quite up to telephone reservations yet!

Honestly Hmm

Oysterbabe · 27/03/2022 10:34

All the people banging on about you not being his mother is very mumsnet. How dare you expect your husband to show some appreciation of the fact that you are a knackered, heavily pregnant mother to his children and might enjoy a little fuss in acknowledgement. How entitled Hmm

It's not a lot to ask to for your husband to assist small children in acknowledging the day until they are old enough to sort it out for themselves.

Dimples13 · 27/03/2022 10:35

My 17 year old didn’t bother, although has ‘offered’ to make breakfast that I no longer fancy. Disappointed 😢

ChiselandBits · 27/03/2022 10:38

I really really don't get the 'you're not his mother so your DH / dp shouldn't have to do anything'. Leaving aside all the usual crap that gets trotted out about Valentines, Mothers Day, ex being commercial, in the end, most mothers carry the bulk of the domestic mental load. Beyond the pregnancy and birth they make it possible for men to enjoy all the perks of fatherhood with a minimal share of the gruntwork on many cases. I don't think it's unreasonable for a man to show appreciation and acknowledgement of that. In the most amicable divorce I know of (not mine sadly) the ex makes a point of sending a card / flowers to the mother of his kids as an acknowledgement that she is raising them 26/30 days. OP, I suggest you get comfy with a book on the sofa and make it clear you are not doing anything much today.

FollowtheLizards · 27/03/2022 10:40

That's really shitty. Even if he didn't think it was sensible to make a reservation in case the baby comes, he should still have bought a card from your other DC at the very least. He could have made plans to cook something simple or order in some food you would like given you'd already mentioned to him that you want to mark the occassion in some way.

He still has time to think of something, although I get how having to explain you're upset takes a little of the shine off anything he may do now. Hope you manage to get some rest at the very least.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/03/2022 10:40

What an absolute prick. Is he any good in other ways? Does he work hard, is he a good father, does he do anything round the house.
It's this kind of build up of resentment over the years that causes marriage breakups. It's a slow burn. Id talk to him about expectations and how you feel.