Mother’s Day Disappointment…

[5upermum]

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

[RedToothBrush]

Your husband should be doing this regardless of mothers day. The fact you feel so run down and shit is the problem here, not the fact he couldn't be arsed on mothers day.

So with that in mind I think YABU, because you should be treated better generally and you shouldn't pin all your feelings about this onto a commercialised day.

Expect more. He needs to pull his socks up.

[SanFranBear]

Yeah, single parent here and whilst DS (10) gleefully made me toast and sang at me, DD (13) has just given me attitude and stroppiness. She went to town yesterday with her friends, armed with plenty of money and its clear she couldn't even take 5 mins and 99p to get me a card which is disappointing and really, all I need. She begrudgingly made me a cup of tea but I'd set everything up last night so she just had to add water.

There are only two days a year when I would like a bit more consideration, more on a par with what they get from me every other day, but nope. I'll get over it and my bf and her family are coming to my city for us all to have lunch so it will be a great day. I'm just a little sad.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I think I’ve hed just done the lie in for you it would have been something. And if he was worried about booking to go out (I’m sure the place would have understood if he called to cancel because you’re in Labour!) he could cook. Doesn’t need to cost money to make you feel loved and valued.

Can you go back to sleep for a bit?

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I’m a single parent and mine aren’t here so that’s job done for me. Quite hungover though

[bravelittletiger]

[quote Unsureaboutit9]@bravelittlepenguin he did say you can do what you want today though? Wording it differently wouldn’t have made much difference really. Any chance the DC chose the plant and that’s why he got that instead of wine?

There are some people on here that would just love some simple acknowledgment and be happy with that, and others that arnt happy if they don’t have the exact gift delivered in the exact required way. We’d be better off just scrapping Mother’s Day all together if you go by mumsnet sentiment.[/quote]

Sorry name changed!

Him saying that I could do whatever I wanted was in response to me asking if he had planned something for me to do but I see your point. Thing is I feel guilty if I'm not helping with the children or just go off on my own so I would have loved for him to plan something to make me feel less guilty about it.

I know that I'm partly being ridiculous but I also know that my "love language" is gifts and thoughtfulness and I tend to be disappointed on birthdays, Xmas etc as my husband isn't normally great at being particularly thoughtful so I wanted to make it easy for him by telling him what I was hoping for and I just assumed he would have planned something for the day for me or at least got me some breakfast to eat. I'm extremely lucky and I know that but I always end up feeling upset on these days because I feel like he doesn't really know me very well or make much effort

[Gilly12345]

Going out for a meal when overdue is not good as if baby had come, cancelling the table would of been overlooked and the business possibly suffering.

Nice food at home would of been a better idea.

He does sound very thoughtless, is he normally so thoughtless?

I would regift him the watering can in June for Fathers Day and treat him the way he has treated you.

Happy Mothers Day 💐💐💐💐💐

My Mothers Day is ok, only cards no presents, we have all had covid this last week.

[EmpressSuiko]

We’ve got a lot going on at the moment so everyone completely forgot about Mother’s Day this year. I usually get some gifts and some cards but I never get the day off!

[BeautifulDragon]

Even if it wasn't mother's Day, he should be looking after you and his child!

He sounds like a useless partner.

[KathyWilliams]

I'm pretty easy to please. Some breakfast and some flowers would have been enough and maybe just the suggestion "I'll take the kids out whilst you have a bath" but he's not thought of anything like that

I'm afraid you don't actually sound pretty easy to please, @bravelittlepenguin You gave your husband a link to the wine, flowers and lunch that you wanted, and then got huffy because you "only" got cards, a picture and a plant. Then you said you'd have been happy if he'd just suggested you have a bath. It sounds like a whole load of mixed messages going on, and I'm not surprised your husband "got it wrong".

Back in the real world, an awful lot of us have had stuff all from our children. I'm a single mother of adult children and have not heard from any of them!

[Anna197264]

Mother’s Day is always disappointing. I was up early to take my dd to her hobby whilst DH lay in bed snoring. He’s barely said 2 words to me now and gone off to see his mum. I’ve come back to bed with my youngest with a coffee and toast.
I have no expectations now to avoid disappointment.
We are going to my mums later for dinner though so that will be nice. In the meantime I’m going to make another brew and sit in bed reading my book.

[Moonface123]

As a lone parent l am used to doing something for myself, my two sons now older are good, 16year old brought me a coffee in bed at 4.50am, we both work same early Sunday shift, eldest went out with friends last night and looking hung over, but l think all Mums should treat themselves to something nice and find time for themselves on Mothers Day.
Also l dont agree there are some shit mums on here, what an awful comment to make, women go into a relationship with the best intentions and the knowledge they are aware of at the time, shame on whoever made that comment and hope you never find yourself in a situation you never thought you' d be in.

[twominutesmore]

If this is typical of the care and affection he shows you within the relationship, then I'd recommend reconsidering it. Who wants to spend their entire life with someone who makes them feel worthless, who can't be bothered spending an hour of their time planning something to make you feel special.

[Maggiethecat]

@Teenylittlefella

I have 4 kids, all secondary/sixth form age

DH went to John Lewis yesterday and has brought back flowers, chocs, champagne and two cards, one from him and one the kids have signed

I am disappointed that not one of the kids has gone to any effort at all. I would have loved a home made card or a nice message or anything.

Started posting to say that I get in a huff if my dc don’t acknowledge the day - just hand made card/note or something showing some thought. And it’s usually hit or miss if they do.

Was interrupted by older dd bringing in breakfast of savoury pancakes with salmon/egg which was really sweet of her. We had a big laugh over whether it was a hit but I expressed how thoughtful it was.

Second dd came in later with a bowl of sliced bananas and a glass of cordial.

Mother’s Day probably shouldn’t mean so much and I guess especially for those whose dc do show thoughtfulness at other times it probably doesn’t.

In OP’s case I get it - she’s having a hard time atm and would like to feel that Dh is considering her.

[Notwithittoday]

@Benes

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother?

Because they also have a toddler who is too young to organise Mother's Day.

In the real world it's perfectly reasonable that your husband ( who is supposed to love you) steps up and organises something for Mother's Day. It's only on MN where I see the whole ' but he's not your mother'. It's bizarre.

Agree. Your husband shows the kids how you should be treated. They take up the gauntlet when they’re old enough to.

[Pebbledashery]

I'll add to the disappointment of mothers day, I'm currently waiting for my daughter who is with her father at supervised contact. The bastard purposely ensured contact fell on mother's day to ruin it completely for me. He did exactly the same last year. I celebrated mother's day yesterday and have learnt to come to terms with having two of everything or celebrating a day earlier.
I'm with you on the disappointment front.

[roarfeckingroarr]

Yeah that's really shit OP. I probably wouldn't have booked lunch out if 10 days overdue but a cup of tea, lovely card, breakfast and a much needed rest is pretty standard surely? I mean, at your stage of pregnancy you should get that every day minus the card!

[BrightOrangeOrange]

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money.
Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

This is pretty sad.

My DH has always made an effort when my DC were young.

[aylis]

It sounds like he’s not being much use any other day either tbf

[Lunificent]

My Mother’s Day pity party - I have had a year of cancer treatment and am having my breast implant removed next week, have been in pain with it for months. During this time. I have taken dd to CAMHS every week, picked her up from school instead of the coach because she’s been panicking about it and so on.
Today - I have unblocked a drain and reminded dp to ring his mum to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day and to check that she’s received the card I got him to post. DD is in bed.
To be fair, it’s ok. It’s life.

[roarfeckingroarr]

@AnastasiaRomanov the OP has a toddler too and until the child is old enough to mark the day themselves it's his role to help

[Lunificent]

@Pebbledashery

I'll add to the disappointment of mothers day, I'm currently waiting for my daughter who is with her father at supervised contact. The bastard purposely ensured contact fell on mother's day to ruin it completely for me. He did exactly the same last year. I celebrated mother's day yesterday and have learnt to come to terms with having two of everything or celebrating a day earlier.
I'm with you on the disappointment front.

That is so cruel of him. I would make the most of it and do something indulgent for yourself.

[Sandra2010]

Tell me about it. I've not seen either of my adult children yet, who live in the same house. My son, last week, didn't get out of his pit to wish me happy birthday (literally didn't see him until the next day) and here we are today with, so far, a repeat. My husband tells me he had to go to the supermarket at stupid o'clock last night because neither of them had gotten me a card. They're still in the kitchen waiting to be written out.

[Andouillette]

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money.
Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

There is an older child, presumably not old enough to be doing things themselves and no, it's not a 'made up' day, it is actually Mothering Sunday which is why the date moves each year in concert with Easter. It's old, possibly even an adaptation of a pre Christian ceremony but certainly a Christian celebration held on the 4th Sunday of Lent. I thnk it's one of the better celebrations, it hasn't gone totally OTT like Valentine's day, no huge gifts are required, just some thoughtfulness either by DC or if they are too young, their fathers.

[CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood]

Here, here, OP. DP usually makes such an effort on Mother's Day for me (3rd MD). I'm also currently 36 weeks PG with DD2, I'm high risk, had weekly hospital appointments, the baby has been diagnosed with various health problems, I've been so fed up this time around and cried nearly every day. I got a card from 2yo DD and that is it, I've changed 2 shitty nappies, done breakfast, got her changed and sat and played all morning. What is he doing? Sleeping on the couch. Don't know what has got in to him, I'm so pissed off. All I wanted was a bit of appreciation shown, especially with how hard this pregnancy has been and the difficult few months I've had. She made a cup for me at nursery and if it wasn't for them, I'd have got nothing.

[LJAKS]

My dd is at her dads this weekend for her fortnightly overnight. Haven't had so much as a phone call. I miss her. I always buy him Father's Day cards and gifts from her as we were married for 8 years together for 13 and for the most part fairly amicable now, Im really just sad that he hasn't thought to call.