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AIBU?

Dh is jealous of my parents treating me

581 replies

vbnm89 · 20/02/2022 08:38

My parents are in their late 70's and have had a tough couple of years
My dad isn't well but is doing OK. They enjoy good food and theatre. So a couple of times a year they treat my brother and me to a theatre show and a meal out. My husband doesn't like this - I think it is jealousy- he says it is selfish of my parents to exclude him and my SIL and the grandchildren.

My dh hates eating out and theatre so he wouldn't enjoy it. Obviously this is quite expensive and he says that the money would be better spent on taking us all out for a lunch in harvester and to a theme park/ cinema as they are purposely excluding grandchildren and son and daughter in law.

My parents see us and my brothers family regularly but also enjoy going out and as just the four of us and doing something the four of us enjoy . Dh says he thinks it is very odd that PIL want to spend (in his opinion waste) money on being pretentious and purposely excluding the extended family. I think he is over reacting but he says they are selfish and next time they invite me out I say it is all of us or none of us. My SIL loves these days as she gets my brother out of her way for a day!! Opinions please.

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

3086 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
7%
You are NOT being unreasonable
93%
pepperpie · 20/02/2022 08:39

Does your “D”H’s parents take you and the extended family out for jolly jaunts?

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MaryLennoxsScowl · 20/02/2022 08:41

I take it you don’t want to insult your parents by being rude about their gift? Well, don’t. I do things with my mum on our own all the time. He’s just being silly and he’s trying to make you upset them to make a stand you don’t want to make! I can see why they don’t want to invite him.

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OnceuponaRainbow18 · 20/02/2022 08:41

I often see my parents with my sister and not our partners, it’s lovely to have a proper family catch up!!

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RagzRebooted · 20/02/2022 08:41

I think it's lovely that you do something with just your parents and sibling. It's not every month is it, your DH does just sound jealous.

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Jonagirl · 20/02/2022 08:43

Yanbu and do not say its all or nothing next time they ask. You will never get that time with your parents back, enjoy it, there is nothing wrong with 4 adults enjoying a nice night out a few times a year. Tell your jealous husband to wind his neck in. No wonder they don't want him to come Hmm

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Dreamtheimpossibledream · 20/02/2022 08:43

You are not remotely being unreasonable. I think he is being really weird about this all and controlling. There is obviously something deeper going on.
Why on earth does everything have to involve everybody? My children are young but I am sure I will want to enjoy time just with them when they are older, just as my parents like to enjoy time just with me and my sibling now. It's your parents money and time and that's how they choose to spend It. yANBU.

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HelloDulling · 20/02/2022 08:43

So he doesn’t want to be left to look after the kids for the day? And can’t bear money being spent on you but not him? What an absolute peach.

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mdh2020 · 20/02/2022 08:44

Last night we went out for dinner with our DD and DS. No partners or GC. It is a rare event and we all enjoyed. DiL goes out with her parents on her own and DS definitely prefers it that way. However, we do also meet up all together. We used to do outings with my DP in all different combinations - I went away with my mother, husband and I took my father to concerts. No one ever got jealous. You can’t always include the children. Sometimes you just want a bit of adult conversation. We saw all the GC in half term and it was great to just sit and relax and talk as grown ups.

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TuscanApothecary · 20/02/2022 08:44

Bloody hell, tell him to stop being such a jealous sad sack.

My ex used to get jealous that I had paid sick leave. He got retrospective jealousy when he found out my lovely grandparents paid my dcs nursery fees and took me and my dc on holiday every year for a week.

He should be happy that you get to go and have a nice time. I take it you don't mind him going out and you looking after dc by yourself at times?

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Loopytiles · 20/02/2022 08:46

Do your parents and your H even like each other?

Would SIL enjoy a posh meal and the theatre?

If she would, perhaps your parents are simply avoiding your H!

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maddening · 20/02/2022 08:47

Not his money, not his business.

If they were taking you and one favoured dc but excluding other dc for example there would be an issue, but this is not the case.

It is fine for you and parents to enjoy time together imo

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Bullandbush · 20/02/2022 08:47

Does he normally walk round with a rod up his arse?
Honestly ignore him.
He doesn't get to dictate what you do with your dp's twice a year.
It's not like it's a monthly occurrence.

I used to go to the opera with my dad a couple of times a year, my dh took us to the train and held the dc whilst waving us off.
And a Harvester with kids isn't the same.

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LuluBlakey1 · 20/02/2022 08:48

When I read it I thought it was a nice thing for your parents to do and they must enjoy just the 4 of you being together again doing something you all enjoy.
I wondered how I would feel if my PIL did this with DH and his sister but I suppose they do in a way. PIL, DH and SIL go off to Bradford to football matches every couple of months. Leave early Saturday morning, back late Saturday night. MIL drives, they have lunch and a drink before the match, she doesn't go to match, meets old friend, and then the 4 of them meet after the match, have a nice meal and then come back up here.
Never crosses my mind to feel jealous. Can't imagine much I'd like to do less and they love it- have been going to matches as a family and having a meal afterwards as long as DH can remember.
I look after our DC and pop round to see DH's grandma that day and take fish and chips for lunch.

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OneTiredMam · 20/02/2022 08:49

Your husband is being a massive selfish twat. I wouldn't even bring it up to your parents. If he's so cut up about it why doesn't he suggest to his own parents about doing something with just him?

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NoSquirrels · 20/02/2022 08:49

he says they are selfish and next time they invite me out I say it is all of us or none of us.

He’s not invited so it’s literally nothing to do with him.

Why would you take grandchildren to a theme park & Harvester if you want to go to the theatre with adults? It’s totally separate.

He sounds like a right knobjockey. Sorry to hear you married him.

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Shoxfordian · 20/02/2022 08:49

Your dh is a dick
He sounds very controlling
Can’t he bear to think of you having a good time without him?

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Sparticuscaticus · 20/02/2022 08:49

Your DH is being ridiculous
It's once a year or a rare occurrence . I'm sure Dparents see their SIL and DIL and DGC other times

He's trying to control what your DParents do as he wants to go the theme park or something and not have to pay. Well he can arrange that or ask his parents to do that

You and your parents have every right to go to theatre and out for a meal together just the four of you as a treat for YOUR PARENTS even though they pay, because you all enjoy it. it's an annual event.

I'm sure you're not telling DH he can't do what he wants with his friends and that you and DCs must be invited etc.. to do something DCs would like... bet he goes out with his work colleagues and friends more than you spend one evening with your parents going to theatre.

I think it's a lovely tradition with your parents. One you'll remember when you're older yourself and look back fondly

Tell your DH to wind his neck in as it's none of his business this tradition your parents like and he's a selfish man to try to take that away from them

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Darbs76 · 20/02/2022 08:51

He’s being ridiculous. Your parents can treat their children if they like. As you say they do stuff with the whole family too. I’d tel him to stop being a jealous child and jog on

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KatherineJaneway · 20/02/2022 08:51

Eating out and going to the theatre is hardly 'pretentious '. He sounds very jealous.

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ColettesEarrings · 20/02/2022 08:52

I do think it would be slightly odd if they never do anything treat wise wir6h you as a whole family, to include dh and the kids, but you say they see you all regularly so that's not the case. If he tried to dictate when I could see my own parents the would not be a discussion about it that's for sure!

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Rainbowqueeen · 20/02/2022 08:53

If your parents do other activities with your whole family then I don’t get the problem.
And telling them how to spend their money is a bit rude.

When it comes down to it life is not fair. His parents will not treat him the same as your parents treat you because they are different people.
Does he expect this sane kind of fairness in other aspects of your life?? Would he turn down a weekend away with friends on his own if you had no plans to have one, or insist that your whole family go along.
It’s very much sounding like sour grapes and that is. very unattractive. Surely he wants you to have fun experiences and a good relationship with your parents.

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Imsittinginthekitchensink · 20/02/2022 08:54

If your DC have families of their own, you rarely get to see your own actual child anymore, without the rest of their family. I can completely see why your parents would like some time with you. And just because you chose your DH, it can be quite exhausting having to put up with other people's choices, so I get why they wouldn't include the in-laws.

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Womencanlift · 20/02/2022 08:55

I think this is one of the most unreasonable things I have read on here for a while. All the possible reasons your husband has for this being unfair are pretty unattractive qualities

Jealous of them spending money on you - unattractive
Annoyed that he has to parent his own children - unattractive

Seriously why haven’t you told him to get a grip?

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ZorbaTheHoarder · 20/02/2022 08:56

Is there anything nice about him, OP?

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spacehardware · 20/02/2022 08:56

"KatherineJaneway

Eating out and going to the theatre is hardly 'pretentious '. He sounds very jealous."

Was coming to post exactly this. I'm imagining the op's husband with a flat cap and a whippet on a piece of string.

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