Dh is jealous of my parents treating me

[vbnm89]

My parents are in their late 70's and have had a tough couple of years
My dad isn't well but is doing OK. They enjoy good food and theatre. So a couple of times a year they treat my brother and me to a theatre show and a meal out. My husband doesn't like this - I think it is jealousy- he says it is selfish of my parents to exclude him and my SIL and the grandchildren.

My dh hates eating out and theatre so he wouldn't enjoy it. Obviously this is quite expensive and he says that the money would be better spent on taking us all out for a lunch in harvester and to a theme park/ cinema as they are purposely excluding grandchildren and son and daughter in law.

My parents see us and my brothers family regularly but also enjoy going out and as just the four of us and doing something the four of us enjoy . Dh says he thinks it is very odd that PIL want to spend (in his opinion waste) money on being pretentious and purposely excluding the extended family. I think he is over reacting but he says they are selfish and next time they invite me out I say it is all of us or none of us. My SIL loves these days as she gets my brother out of her way for a day!! Opinions please.

[Ratherdogsthanpeople]

Your husband is an idiot. He should be happy for you. Next time your parents invite you, make sure to tell them even more what a lovely idea this is and to thank them.

[Loopytiles]

If he and your parents genuinely have good relationships, they’ve done this treat, say, 5+ times, and never treat your or BIL/SILs’ families in other ways, he might have a point. (But would still be U to call the things you do ‘pretentious’ and ask you to say no and for your parents to spend the money on things he would prefer!)

Except as a one off, I’d personally be uncomfortable with the dynamic of my parents or PIL paying for expensive treats, even if they were much better off financially. especially if at other times you spend time together this is solely at each others’ houses.

[Anniegetyourgun76]

I'm a bit on the fence with this one, of course it's not unreasonable for you and your DB to spend time with your parents without anyone else. My DH doesn't tend to do this with his parents/siblings but if he did maybe I would feel a bit left out or not considered family but that's mainly because I don't have any family of my own (obviously DH and kids but no wider family). I probably would feel a bit jealous but recognise that's unreasonable, does your DH have his own family and does he see them?

[cansu]

Sounds like he resents you having a nice time. Not very pleasant. Tell him to jog on.

[Lindy2]

Make sure you continue to go and enjoy this time with your parents and brother.

Your husband sounds a right misery and has no right to tell you or your parents that you can't spend time together.

My mum usually treats me to a theatre trip with her a couple of times a year. It's lovely spending time together without everyone else being there.

We do plenty of things together too but smaller groups are sometimes very nice. He has no right to try and stop you.

[NoSquirrels]

@JacquelineCarlyle

Seems like I'm in the minority (of 1!) but I kind of get where your DH is coming from - if my DH went out with his parents without inviting me, then I think I'd be a bit upset about it. I'm always invited, even if it's something they know I wouldn't like (& then I do say no) but I'm definitely included in the first instance as I'm part of the family too.

It comes across as you seeing your family unit as still just the original 4 of you and the rest (including your DH) are outsiders rather than as all part of a complete family.

But when there are children in the family, it’s actually more practical for (most?) families not to go out together as a couple with grandparents because then you need to solve babysitting.

He hates the theatre. He’s not interested. Much more practical not to invite him!

[OMGItsEarly]

DM requested for her birthday that ‘just her children’ take her out to lunch.

It’s such a rarity that she sees us without spouse/offsprings in tow.
I can’t imagine my DH getting the hump over that.

[pictish]

He thinks the money would be better spent in a Harvester. Does he now? And what the very fuck has it got to do with him?

I wouldn’t pay the blindest bit of attention to his bleating. You enjoy your theatre nights with your family.

[JacquelineCarlyle]

@NoSquirrels It's the not being invited that I would feel hurt by - for example, my DH knows I'm not a football fan but still invites me if he's going with his DPs. I say no & I'm happy for him to go without me, but if I wasn't invited in the first instance, as they 'know I don't like football', I would feel hurt by being excluded.

I'm not saying I'm right, but I wouldn't be able to help my feelings!

[DottyHarmer]

I think it is nice for adult dcs to go out with just their parents. But plenty don’t. Sil accompanies bil everywhere (even to the loo I suspect) and when it was mooted for just dh and bil to go for dinner with the Pil (to avoid all the babysitting hassle etc) it provoked a diplomatic incident and they didn’t speak to anyone for months because “they are a unit”.

[MaryStuart]

What a miserable, jealous arse.
I think this a lovely thing for your parents to do. And it’s certainly not pretentious.
Tell your joyless husband to get over himself, and keep his opinions to himself. You won’t be making any ‘Harvester and theme park suggestions’ as it’s none of his bloody business. Keep enjoying this Op!

[pictish]

They are a unit.
Ugh.

[user1471538283]

It is your DPs money and you and your DB are their children! He cannot demand how they spend their money and time.

I always hope to have some one on one time with my DS and my Goddaughter.

[NoSquirrels]

[quote JacquelineCarlyle]@NoSquirrels It's the not being invited that I would feel hurt by - for example, my DH knows I'm not a football fan but still invites me if he's going with his DPs. I say no & I'm happy for him to go without me, but if I wasn't invited in the first instance, as they 'know I don't like football', I would feel hurt by being excluded.

I'm not saying I'm right, but I wouldn't be able to help my feelings! [/quote]
You’d know your feelings were irrational, though, wouldn’t you? And not act on them by insisting football was off the choices list and you all had to go scuba diving instead?

Feelings are your own, as an adult you can deal with the slightly irrational ones without making them someone else’s responsibility.

[SarahBellam]

Is he always this controlling? Is it just because he doesn’t want to go out with the kids? Does he ever go out without you and the kids? Imaging trying to dictate how other people spend their money - the absolute arrogance of it. If he’s so desperate for everyone to go to a Harvester and a theme park then he should be organising at footing the bill. That way he’d get what he wanted. Selfish, spoilt, excuse for a man.

[Imyourvenus]

I agree with your DH. Very odd behaviour.

[Sally872]

Does he complain about you going out with friends too? Is it the time away leaving him watching kids or the money spent on you that he grudges?

Awful attitude I would never grudge my dh spending time with his parents.

[Mirrorball2022]

We both see our parents separately as well as together. You are their children and if they want to take you out to something you enjoy and spend quality time together I don’t see it being an issue tbh.

[Sally872]

Also in what world is it ok when someone offers to that you to something that you reply "you'll have to also pay for another 3 people"

[dottydodah]

Maybe tell him to fuck right off! Really what kind of a spoilt manchild is he? Your DP are enjoying time with you and DB together .What could be nicer .Just tell him you are going and thats that. Honestly the more I read on here about mens behaviour ,the more Im convinced we must all be married to sodding teenagers! Why doesnt he go out with his chums/family ? (Maybe theyve had enough of his bullshit too!

[LittleWins]

He’s so insecure. That can’t be sexy.

[Fairislefandango]

Harvester and a theme park . Adults are allowed to do things they enjoy occasionally, even when they are parents. The idea that your dh not only begrudges you the occasional outing with your parents, but wants to muscle in and impose his own preferences because yours aren't lowbrow enough is outrageous. What a petulant man!

[comfortablyfrumpy]

He doesn't get to dictate what your parents spend their money on!

[Chewbecca]

If it was the only thing they wanted to do with you and to never see your DH & their DGC, that would be v weird. But as well as, that's lovely.

[EllaB22]

I think he sounds controlling - it is one thing to express that he doesn't like it but another to phrase it the way he has.