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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh is jealous of my parents treating me

581 replies

vbnm89 · 20/02/2022 08:38

My parents are in their late 70's and have had a tough couple of years
My dad isn't well but is doing OK. They enjoy good food and theatre. So a couple of times a year they treat my brother and me to a theatre show and a meal out. My husband doesn't like this - I think it is jealousy- he says it is selfish of my parents to exclude him and my SIL and the grandchildren.

My dh hates eating out and theatre so he wouldn't enjoy it. Obviously this is quite expensive and he says that the money would be better spent on taking us all out for a lunch in harvester and to a theme park/ cinema as they are purposely excluding grandchildren and son and daughter in law.

My parents see us and my brothers family regularly but also enjoy going out and as just the four of us and doing something the four of us enjoy . Dh says he thinks it is very odd that PIL want to spend (in his opinion waste) money on being pretentious and purposely excluding the extended family. I think he is over reacting but he says they are selfish and next time they invite me out I say it is all of us or none of us. My SIL loves these days as she gets my brother out of her way for a day!! Opinions please.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 20/02/2022 10:02

Personally I think its lovely. Enjoy it. They won't be around forever, so these times are precious. Your husband is being selfish.

JacquelineCarlyle · 20/02/2022 10:02

@CallMeDaddy58 of course I do but we don't arrange 'family' get togethers with my brother and I alone and exclude our spouses. They would always be invited (& may or may not say yes) as they're family too!

surreygirl1987 · 20/02/2022 10:02

This is ridiculous. He is being awful.

CrackerGal · 20/02/2022 10:03

I think its lovely your parents want to treat you & spend time together. It's not once a month only a couple of times a year so your husband is being very unreasonable saying you have to say no, and trying to dictate what they spend their money on to suit him.

pictish · 20/02/2022 10:03

Theme park my arse.

Jvg33 · 20/02/2022 10:04

I like how he is dictating what others should spend their money on. Tell him to jog on.

Rosebel · 20/02/2022 10:05

I agree with your DH. I think its pretty rude to exclude your husband and children from regular outings
Obviously it's nice your parents want to spend time with you but surely when you marry and have children things change.
If my parents kept excluding my family I would turn down invitations.

Really18 · 20/02/2022 10:05

Your husband is a dickhead. Your parents are entitled to spend alone time with their children. They can spend their money how they please. He doesn't have to be included in everything. Go out and enjoy the time with your parents. They won't be around forever.

Jvg33 · 20/02/2022 10:05

Tell him to visit his own family when you are out with your elderly parents.

Peachtoiletpaper · 20/02/2022 10:06

Why does he think older people in not great health should traipse around a theme park all day to appease him? Is this more about him having to look after the children alone occasionally? What the hell has it got to do with him? I think it's awful that he's trying to take the joy out of the time you get to spend with your parents doing something they love once or twice a year. I'd be asking him to delve deeply into why he thinks this is a problem and explain himself.

MacaroniBaloney · 20/02/2022 10:07

I think its so lovely that you've got such a great relationship with your parents and brother. Long may it continue!

Tell your DH he's coming across as a petulant child.

Puffalicious · 20/02/2022 10:07

Echoing lots of PP: what a controlling, insecure prick!

He doesn't get to tell your parents how to spend their time or money! How bloody ridiculous. He/ SIL/ grandkids don't have the same relationship with your parents you and your brother do. When my parents were alive I was forever out with mam- we even, shock- horror, went on weekend trips/ nights away with my sisters. Those memories are wonderful.

He's a total dick.

LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 20/02/2022 10:08

I would like to share your perspective as it does hurt when my husband's family make it clear the spouses aren't welcome and I don't want to feel like that! I have tried but I can't shake it off! I don't have a big family myself, only my parents and children, so maybe that is part of it. I wanted to marry into a family and feel disappointed that I am not considered one of them. They don't spend out money, it is just private meets they sometimes arrange at people's houses (just making it clear that it isn't about money).

pictish · 20/02/2022 10:09

“Obviously it's nice your parents want to spend time with you but surely when you marry and have children things change.”

Yes they do, which why it’s nice to have the odd night out without the spouses and kids.
My mu died years ago now but I did loads of stuff with her without dh. Miss it and her beyond all measure.
Wtf is wrong with you that you need to go out as a collective all the time?

roarfeckingroarr · 20/02/2022 10:09

He's being absolutely insane. What a horrible attitude.

Gonnagetgoing · 20/02/2022 10:10

Your DH is being unreasonable as it’s fine for you and your DB and DPs to spend time away from all your families especially if it’s outings he won’t like.

DH isn’t coming off well here being jealous of your parents spending time with you and DB anc having to do childcare.

What’s the situation with his DPs - do they take you all out or SIL’s DPs do they do similar? And would you or SIL be jealous or mind doing childcare there?

This should really be a non issue and DH is being very petty.

RowanAlong · 20/02/2022 10:10

Oh I think that’s a nice thing to do with your family! As long as at other times they don’t obviously exclude him - I mean, do they get along ok? If he doesn’t like the theatre anyway then his beef is probably being left with the childcare.

Frankly it’s rude and not his place to judge how your parents choose to spend their money and he was wrong to make you feel bad about it.

Calmdown14 · 20/02/2022 10:10

Be interesting to see the responses if this was the SIL asking the same question as 'my mother in law excludes me, doesn't think I'm cultured enough to enjoy the theatre and I'm stuck looking after the kids.'

I think it's a nice thing to do but do wonder if as the kids are growing it's not been reconsidered. I can see how he feels. I don't think you are wrong to do it but it perhaps depends what level of treat you get to enjoy as a family.
If a day out or meal is rare and hard to afford he has more of a valid point

Puffalicious · 20/02/2022 10:10

@Rosebel

I agree with your DH. I think its pretty rude to exclude your husband and children from regular outings Obviously it's nice your parents want to spend time with you but surely when you marry and have children things change. If my parents kept excluding my family I would turn down invitations.
OMG. So when you marry and have children you cease to be an individual? Seriously?! Do you always need to do everything together?

Insane.

Womencanlift · 20/02/2022 10:11

@Rosebel

I agree with your DH. I think its pretty rude to exclude your husband and children from regular outings Obviously it's nice your parents want to spend time with you but surely when you marry and have children things change. If my parents kept excluding my family I would turn down invitations.
A couple of times a year is not a regular occurrence
roarfeckingroarr · 20/02/2022 10:11

Just read this to DP and asked if he would mind - he said "no love, wouldn't give a toss! Could have a boys night with DS"

Winter2020 · 20/02/2022 10:11

Tell your husband if he would like to go for a meal with your parents or to a theme park with them you can sit down with him and plan it into the family budget to have a nice trip out and treat them. Perhaps yoy could plan it for their next birthday? Which would he prefer - a meal or a theme park?

If on the other hand he is only interested in doing things with your parents if they are paying he is greedy user. Yep - thought so.

sausagesandchamp · 20/02/2022 10:11

He's being ridiculous. I'd be gutted if my DH expressed this opinion, it's so jealous and ungrateful. And I'd be mortified if my parents found out he was like this too- I think as it's quite an embarrassing, selfish though process. This sort of thing happens in both our families occasionally, and we are nothing but supportive and happy for each other.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 20/02/2022 10:12

Well your husband sounds like an absolute delight. Maybe your parents are just trying to avoid having to spend time with him.

While you’re out with your parents he could always take the kids to harvester and the cinema.

Puffalicious · 20/02/2022 10:12

@pictish

“Obviously it's nice your parents want to spend time with you but surely when you marry and have children things change.”

Yes they do, which why it’s nice to have the odd night out without the spouses and kids.
My mu died years ago now but I did loads of stuff with her without dh. Miss it and her beyond all measure.
Wtf is wrong with you that you need to go out as a collective all the time?

Exactly!!!
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