Who is right here?

(513 Posts)
bakinbiscuits Mon 02-Aug-21 10:42:26

I don't want to give away who I am in this situation so trying to be neutral.

Katie and John split up 2 years ago. 3 children who live primarily with Katie. John has regular contact, every other weekend and a Wednesday evening. Contact isn't set it stone so sometimes he has them more if work/plans allow. John has a girlfriend, Sarah, who he's been with for a year.

Katie's boiler has broken and John is a Plummer. Katie asked John if he would come fix the boiler as there is no hot water. John initially said yes but then changed his mind and he and sarah both think it's Katie's responsibility to fix the boiler herself as it is her house. John and sarah are happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed.

Should John help and fix the boiler or should Katie be getting another Plummer in to fix it.

OP’s posts: |
Datingandnoideahowto Mon 02-Aug-21 10:43:37

Katie should either get another plumber or pay John the going rate.

If I was John I’d decline too because that’s blurring boundaries and suggest a mate Katie can get to fox the boiler.

Kalvinette Mon 02-Aug-21 10:44:20

I dont see why Sarah's opinion is even coming into this.

Of course John should fix the boiler in the home where his children live.

guinnessguzzler Mon 02-Aug-21 10:44:49

His kids are living without hot water, he has the skills and tools to fix this, and he hasn't done it yet?

LIZS Mon 02-Aug-21 10:45:44

If he has time and is Gas Safe registered he should offer to fix it. It will cost less in the long run and he will know it is safe for his dc. If he does not have time can he recommend someone else.

Amdone123 Mon 02-Aug-21 10:45:49

Exactly what pp said.
Why would he not want to ?

Costumeidea Mon 02-Aug-21 10:45:57

I think John and Sarah are shits. His children live there.


Sparklfairy Mon 02-Aug-21 10:46:14

Jesus why wouldn't he??

PheasantsNest Mon 02-Aug-21 10:46:15

You are obviously Katie as if John was a plumber he would know how to spell it. It's Katie's responsibility to get it fixed. John doesn't live there anymore.

parietal Mon 02-Aug-21 10:46:29

John should recommend a trusted plumber to Kate so she can get in someone independent asap to get hot water.

sammylady37 Mon 02-Aug-21 10:46:36

You’re Sarah, aren’t you?

Imcatmum Mon 02-Aug-21 10:46:43

John should just fix the bloody boiler for his children.

LimeSodaTwist Mon 02-Aug-21 10:46:53

I’d fix the boiler but charge Katie the going rate if I was John. Couldn’t let the kids be without hot water in their primary home.

Unless there’s a massive back story / drip feed about Katie being a CF.

annacondom Mon 02-Aug-21 10:46:57

I think it's a bit mean of John, tbh. And I think Sarah should stay out of it.

Costumeidea Mon 02-Aug-21 10:47:00


You are obviously Katie as if John was a plumber he would know how to spell it. It's Katie's responsibility to get it fixed. John doesn't live there anymore.

His children do though?

Datingandnoideahowto Mon 02-Aug-21 10:47:07

So I’m a shit then because I wouldn’t do it 😂. My ex is a manipulative so and so and there would be strings and I’d never be away. Strong boundaries work for me and I’d recommend someone else in this scenario.

missrabbit23 Mon 02-Aug-21 10:48:12

Why would John not fix something in the house his children live what a dick head

Seeleyboo Mon 02-Aug-21 10:48:16

John should fix the boiler as it's essential to his children's wellbeing and Sarah should butt out. I suspect it's Sarah who is pressuring John in a silly jealous rage.

Hekatestorch Mon 02-Aug-21 10:48:38

Its very easy to say 'John should fix the boiler because his kids live there'

However, no one here is going to know John and Sarah's side of it.

John may be making up that Sarah had anything to do with this.

Katie could be constantly calling to get John to do jobs, refusing to actually sort any if the problems with the house she lives in.

Sarah could be controlling or insecure. Katie could have been vile. John might be a dick who doesn't want to do it.

Theres so many things that could swing this either way.

MolyHolyGuacamole Mon 02-Aug-21 10:48:46

OP could be Sarah as well, but more likely Katie. Doesn't matter to me, John should do it, I'm sure it's a simple fix as well. It's his kids! And as others have said, nothing to do with Sarah.

Kalvinette Mon 02-Aug-21 10:49:18

Well no but it's a bit rigid

Gingernaut Mon 02-Aug-21 10:50:03

John is being unreasonable - he'd probably fix the boiler if he and Katie were still together, or if the boiler was in his house.

If Katie has offered 'mate's rates' or offered to pay the going rate, the John is being very unreasonable.

Sarah opinion shouldn't even get a look in.

Katie needs to get a plumber in pronto, make a big and public huff about it and tell everyone who asks why she had to hire a plumber. She could ask for recommendations for a reliable plumber on Facebook for example.

John is a twat, who'll put his girlfriend's feelings over the welfare of his own children.

AllosaurusMum Mon 02-Aug-21 10:50:27

I think it's fine for John (or Sarah) to have a boundary about expecting him to be her on call plumber, especially if she wasn't planning to pay him.
I expect you'll get most comments saying he's wrong because he's a man not doing what a woman wants. But if it was Katie with a skill that John needed it would be clear that it's fine to say no, you don't owe him free labor, and he can hire someone to do it for him.

Lemonlemon88 Mon 02-Aug-21 10:50:30

If I was separated then yes I would also ask for this help? But I would also hope I was separated amicably enough to do so and also would swap weekends and be flexible around drop off and clothes and maybe also offer to help my ex with something in exchange or to pay.

Datingandnoideahowto Mon 02-Aug-21 10:50:36

@Kalvinette it depends on the back story.

There’s no way I’m moving my boundaries with my ex. That would be letting a narcissistic gaslighting twisted fucker having a foot back in my life and my head. That simply isn’t somewhere I’m happy to go.

We don’t know enough to advise.

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