Who is right here?

[bakinbiscuits]

I don't want to give away who I am in this situation so trying to be neutral.

Katie and John split up 2 years ago. 3 children who live primarily with Katie. John has regular contact, every other weekend and a Wednesday evening. Contact isn't set it stone so sometimes he has them more if work/plans allow. John has a girlfriend, Sarah, who he's been with for a year.

Katie's boiler has broken and John is a Plummer. Katie asked John if he would come fix the boiler as there is no hot water. John initially said yes but then changed his mind and he and sarah both think it's Katie's responsibility to fix the boiler herself as it is her house. John and sarah are happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed.

Should John help and fix the boiler or should Katie be getting another Plummer in to fix it.

@MarcusRashford

I've just read a bit more. I was Sarah in this situation, it was horrible being the butt of the ex wife's anger for doing nothing wrong apart from being alive. Leave her alone she's done nothing wrong to you. Your boiler problem is not her issue.

But then what he does for his kids has nothing to do with sarah.

Personally as someone who was once a sarah, I loved the fact that my OH put his kids first, it said a lot about him as a good, decent person and I would not have changed that for the world. In my opinion his kids were more important than me and that's the way it should be.

If Sarah lives with John and therefore lives with the children when they visit then that does affect her. The ex wife's boiler is really not Sarah's. problem. I. was also a Sarah and I'd done nothing wrong to upset the Katie in our situation. She just hated that I existed and made my life a bloody misery.

@MarcusRashford

If Sarah lives with John and therefore lives with the children when they visit then that does affect her. The ex wife's boiler is really not Sarah's. problem. I. was also a Sarah and I'd done nothing wrong to upset the Katie in our situation. She just hated that I existed and made my life a bloody misery.

But that's your personal experience of an ex not liking you. That's not really the same as Katie. I think she just doesn't want sarah calling the shots about what their kids father does abs doesn't do for his kids.

It sounds very similar. I doubt if Sarah is calling the shots, it sounds like Katie wants to think that as it makes her feel better about her ex not having the same feelings for her anymore.

How do we know if Sarah is calling the shots? We only have Katie's word for it.

Get it fixed yourself, you're not his responsibility and he pays maintenance for his children.

Oh yeah, like standard maintenance pays 50% of the cost of raising children. As if.

Clearly you’re like the Sarah, and that’s the problem. Once you have children with someone you have responsibilities.

@ThePoppyClub

It sounds very similar. I doubt if Sarah is calling the shots, it sounds like Katie wants to think that as it makes her feel better about her ex not having the same feelings for her anymore.

How do we know if Sarah is calling the shots? We only have Katie's word for it.

Well - the fact that John asked Katie not to mention to Sarah that he would pay for the boiler repair does indicate that Sarah has a problem with John helping out his ex. Sounds like Sarah is calling the shots to me.

I think John should fix the boiler as it's in the benefit of his children, what's the point of him being a plumber when he won't use his skills to
Benefit his own children. He needs to grow up and stop being a twat just because he no longer is with Katie. I wonder what his kids will think of him when they are older.

Sarah is a twat as she obviously has manipulated John into saying no to something he would have been willing to do initially based on her own insecurities simply as Katie is the mother of his kids.

Of course he should fix the boiler as ultimately it keeps spare cash in the household where his kids live.

John should fix the boiler, its the home where his children live and he is leaving them without hot water when he could easily sort it. Katie should pay for any parts.
Sounds like John changed his mind about fixing boiler after speaking to Sarah. If so Sarah needs to butt out and grow up and John needs to grow a pair.
If I was Katie I would now sort it myself and not ask again but this would be a line in the sand.

I think John is a wimp and Sarah has thrown her toys out of the pram. They are his kids, why would you not fix it? His kids would have hot water and if he fixed it Katie wouldn't have to pay another plumber leaving more money for their kids

I think it wouldn't hurt John to help Katie out here. His kids also need heat in their home. The boiler is not just for baths but heating, some washing machines run off hot water meaning Katie may not be able to do washing, no hot water for washing up either. It's about what's best for the children and it's possible Katie may not have the funds to fix the boiler especially at this time of year when children need new uniforms for the new school year.

I think he should fix the boiler as he is a plumber. But if it was the car or anything else I think she should sort it out herself.