Who is right here?

[bakinbiscuits]

I don't want to give away who I am in this situation so trying to be neutral.

Katie and John split up 2 years ago. 3 children who live primarily with Katie. John has regular contact, every other weekend and a Wednesday evening. Contact isn't set it stone so sometimes he has them more if work/plans allow. John has a girlfriend, Sarah, who he's been with for a year.

Katie's boiler has broken and John is a Plummer. Katie asked John if he would come fix the boiler as there is no hot water. John initially said yes but then changed his mind and he and sarah both think it's Katie's responsibility to fix the boiler herself as it is her house. John and sarah are happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed.

Should John help and fix the boiler or should Katie be getting another Plummer in to fix it.

Has Katie got form for asking favours instead of taking responsibility for her own home?

You're clearly Sarah in this situation.

Of course John should fix the heating/hot water in the house where his children live for the majority of the time if he has the means to do so.

If John originally agreed to this, what (who) changed his mind??

Is Sarah unreasonable to have an opinion if John giving up paid work to do this job affects their household finances?

His kids home no brainer. Katie needs to wind her neck in he has kids.

Working on the assumption that Katie and John are reasonable people who have a reasonable relationship - John is being a complete dick by not fixing the boiler so his kids can have hot water.

Sorry Sarah should wind her neck in

OP is almost certainly Katie. The story would be told differently if she wasn't grin

I hope so! The bit about 'happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed' made me wonder. How magnanimous!

John should stop letting himself be pussy whipped by the latest girlfriend.

John should realise by fixing Katie’s boiler he is showing a civilised and respectful relationship between co-parents.

By NOT fixing the boiler he is showing Katie (and possibly the children) that his sad little girlfriends feelings are more important than his children and he is a petty little man.

@Intherightplace

Is Sarah unreasonable to have an opinion if John giving up paid work to do this job affects their household finances?

If she has that opinion it confirms my belief she's a miserable cah.

I don't want to give away who I am in this situation so trying to be neutral.

You can't be neutral when telling your own story. There's always a bias.

Katie wasn't unreasonable to ask, but John isn't unreasonable in saying no and facilitating his kids needs at his home instead.

It's not John's house, why should he fix the boiler? Katie can pay a plumber to fix it. As for it being "essential to his childrens' welbeing" that's all well and good, but if John were a surgeon, or a lawyer, or anything else Katie would have to call in a plumber and I'm sure the children would cope - like all children who don't have a plumber as a father!

But if John has to give up paid work, he's not just fixing the boiler, he's effectively paying for it to be done. I agree you'd like to think a solution can be reached where he can fit this in and get his children hot water without putting off other work, but I don't think he should have a financial detriment as a result

@SmallPrawnEnergy

John should stop letting himself be pussy whipped by the latest girlfriend.

John should realise by fixing Katie’s boiler he is showing a civilised and respectful relationship between co-parents.

By NOT fixing the boiler he is showing Katie (and possibly the children) that his sad little girlfriends feelings are more important than his children and he is a petty little man.

To be fair, it's possible John changed his mind and is blaming it on Sarah. Sounds like the cowardly type of thing he would do.

John should fix and give a list of recommended plumbers in case it happens again.
Katie should also grow up and not wait for her ex to take responsibility, there are thousands of plumbers out there that can fix that quickly.

It's his kids, right, but it's her house, her responsibility.
What would Katie do if John was away or not a plumber at all?

Sarah should have no say in that decision though.

I am Katie, and there is no horrible back story.
We'd become housemates and John cheated (not with Sarah) but the split was coming anyway so it wasn't a big awful shock. We went our separate ways, John pays his Maintanence and helps when needed. Contact is done via agreement on what suits everyone at the time. So if I want to go out he'll have them my weekend and vice versa. We co-parent really well.

I don't ask him to do stuff all the time, I have my Dad who does a lot of odd jobs that I can't do so not reliant on him or taking advantage. He did look at the boiler a few months back for the same problem. He fixed it and said something may need replacing soon. So now it obviously does. I can't afford to pay a Plummer to do it, I've just had to do an expensive repair on my car so that's eaten most my savings. He knows this. I can borrow from my parents but I just thought as his kids live here he'd be happy to help, I don't expect him to be out of pocket, I'd pay for parts but thought he'd be happy to help as we've always been supportive of each other.

I asked if he can't help me with the boiler if he'd get the kids school uniforms as I really cannot afford both. He hasn't got back to me on that yet, I imagine he's asking permission from Sarah!!

I'm annoyed as I feel like this is Sarah's input and I'm upset he'd refuse to help me with something beneficial to the kids because of his girlfriend. I was stepmum to his oldest daughter and I'd never of stopped him doing something to help his ex that impacted his child.

It won't become an issue or argument as I can't be bothered with that. Whatever he says I'll accept but just wondered what other people though was right/wrong.

Katie is being unreasonable and needs to call someone to fix the boiler. John is not responsible for repairs needed in Katie's home

@Intherightplace
Household finances after just one year?

Did you pay him for fixing it before?

Why is it his problem that your car broke? I mean you seem to be expecting him to fox the boiler for free and that’s cheeky.

It's not John's house, why should he fix the boiler?

Because his children live there. Because it will save his children’s mother money that she could spend on his children. Because it’s nice to be nice and help people out when you can. Because then his children won’t have to have baths or showers in a different house to the one they’re going to sleep in that night and can have their normal bedtime routine. Because it would show his stroppy girlfriend that his children take priority over her pathetic jealousy.

How the hell is Sarah already living with him and dictating how he treats you after just a year?

So I’m highly qualified in a specialist area.

By this logic if my ex needs advice in that area I should give it to him for free?

That’ll be a no.

I think John should fix the boiler immediately because it’s also his children’s house.

But I think Katie should pay him the going rate. Presumably John pays a certain amount of maintenance and he needs to earn money to do that.

Katie needs to book a plumber and ensure she has a safety net for emergencies etc.

I'm imagining how I'd feel if my father wasn't concerned enough about me not having hot water at home to help.

I've lived without a working boiler and it's dangerous to be boiling pans and kettles. He doesn't co-parent, he doesn't have them often enough to. This would be another way of doing his bit.

Of course John should fix it if he has an ounce of decency.
That is his children's home.