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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is right here?

512 replies

bakinbiscuits · 02/08/2021 10:42

I don't want to give away who I am in this situation so trying to be neutral.

Katie and John split up 2 years ago. 3 children who live primarily with Katie. John has regular contact, every other weekend and a Wednesday evening. Contact isn't set it stone so sometimes he has them more if work/plans allow. John has a girlfriend, Sarah, who he's been with for a year.

Katie's boiler has broken and John is a Plummer. Katie asked John if he would come fix the boiler as there is no hot water. John initially said yes but then changed his mind and he and sarah both think it's Katie's responsibility to fix the boiler herself as it is her house. John and sarah are happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed.

Should John help and fix the boiler or should Katie be getting another Plummer in to fix it.

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 02/08/2021 11:43

John should fix the boiler, definitely.

nightlarking · 02/08/2021 11:45

@Datingandnoideahowto

So I’m highly qualified in a specialist area.

By this logic if my ex needs advice in that area I should give it to him for free?

That’ll be a no.

Even if your children were clearly being disadvantaged as a result?
Ugzbugz · 02/08/2021 11:45

John and Sarah and selfish twats. So she can look after his kids the majority of the time and maintain the kids home I guess at more expense whilst John and Sarah have a nice time.

Surely if she doesn't pay John then that's more money for the kids? Why on earth would you leave your kids without hot water.

That's like the mum leaving them without food etc.

steppemum · 02/08/2021 11:46

If John is free (and not booked up) then I would expect him to say to Katie - I can do it, it will cost xx amount.
Katie should pay, would not be unreasonbale to have a discount, but John should not be out of pocket.

yes his kids live there, but no hot water in the middle of summer is hardly the end ofthe world, and Katie's house and the running/repair of it is her responsibility.

If John can't do it (or knows that this will backfire, as we don't know what Katie is like) then he should recommend a couple of people, as plumbers and builders are always best via recommendations

Datingandnoideahowto · 02/08/2021 11:47

Yes even if they were being disadvantaged. They could come here until the boiler was fixed. It’s not my problem he can’t afford to have hot water.

But I’ve started my own thread so as not derail this one.

Benjispruce5 · 02/08/2021 11:47

I would think he would help out the mother of his children. I think his girlfriend has had a say.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 02/08/2021 11:47

@Datingandnoideahowto

My ex just spent a fortune fixing something for his business.

So this means I have to advise him for free?

Why?

Does your lack of advice leave your children without hot water?
Cadent · 02/08/2021 11:50

Does your lack of advice leave your children without hot water?

Grin
Antwerpen · 02/08/2021 11:52

@Kalvinette

I dont see why Sarah's opinion is even coming into this.

Of course John should fix the boiler in the home where his children live.

This
Discovery65 · 02/08/2021 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cadent · 02/08/2021 11:55

How much maintenance does this prince pay?

Tomnooktoldmeto · 02/08/2021 11:57

Ultimately if he’s able to help and a good dad then he should!
The girlfriend should mind her own business, doing the work for cost would be perfectly reasonable, if his ex has to pay more then he’s forcing her to waste money that would more than likely spent on his own kids so he’s actually depriving his own kids just to point score and that would make him and his girlfriend selfish

FrenchBoule · 02/08/2021 11:57

Depends how “broken” the boiler is- does it need to be replaced or repaired.
Repair-John should do it.
Replace- as John is in trade he can have a hefty % discount at plumbers merchant and could get it with Katie’s paying for it.
He shouldn’t charge for the workmanship.

All above is only a stipulation based on whether John is paying his fair share for his children upkeep and Katie’s not bending over to make his life awkward.

Freddiefox · 02/08/2021 12:01

Sounds like maybe John was happy to fox the boiler and told sarah, and she was pissed off and resentful of his offer so he had to withdraw it.

Such a shame that he won’t fix the boiler for his children. If I was katie it certainly would impact negatively my opinion of them both.

datepanic · 02/08/2021 12:03

Yes he should fix it. They are his children too. Why would he want his kids to go without hot water for several days a week?
Katie should pay for the parts though.

lastcall · 02/08/2021 12:03

What kind of a shit father who happens to be a plumber lets his children and mother of his children go without hot water.

John is an arsehole. And so is his new girlfriend.

BillMasen · 02/08/2021 12:04

If Katie was a lawyer and John needed legal advice should she provide it for free?

If Katie was an account and should she do Hihns tax returns for free?

ItsSnowJokes · 02/08/2021 12:05

If he doesn't want to help, I would be a pain in the arse and I would go round every night to bath the kids, and make a big song and dance about it, while saying " I know it's a pain to come round here darling but Daddy won't help with the hot water". But then I can be petty Grin

He is being a dick. Who sees their kids without hot water cos his girlfriend says so?!?!?!

caughtinanet · 02/08/2021 12:06

@Datingandnoideahowto

My ex is not my friend or my mate and no way would I have him benefit from my expertise for free.
Unless you are John what has that got to do with anything?

John shouldn't have changed his mind and if he is able and qualified to fix it it's not unreasonable that he should do it to help his children at a cost acceptable to both sides.

Datingandnoideahowto · 02/08/2021 12:06

@BillMasen

If Katie was a lawyer and John needed legal advice should she provide it for free?

If Katie was an account and should she do Hihns tax returns for free?

That’s what I don’t get.

I’m really upset because apparently I’m mean for not helping out my ex when the only cost is my time. Sigh.

LtDansleg · 02/08/2021 12:10

@Datingandnoideahowto

Why should I have to lose money because my ex wants a freebie?
He’s not losing money. And he should because his children are living in the house with no heating or hot water. Letting them suffer just to prove a point to spite his ex makes him a bit of a cunt tbh.
Datingandnoideahowto · 02/08/2021 12:11

Well he is losing money because he’s not getting paid for his time.

LtDansleg · 02/08/2021 12:12

@BillMasen

If Katie was a lawyer and John needed legal advice should she provide it for free?

If Katie was an account and should she do Hihns tax returns for free?

How that remotely the same as helping provide heat and hot water to the house your children are living in because their other parent can’t afford to after a recent unexpected bill?
Od130990 · 02/08/2021 12:13

John sounds like a dick head! His kids should come first.

ohtobeanonymous · 02/08/2021 12:13

Technically, it is Katie's responsibility to pay for/arrange repair of anything in her house.

That said, I can't fathom why a father wouldn't help out his children. He initially agreed but then changed his mind. He has no obligation to help, but clearly knows it's a good thing to do for his kids.