Who is right here?

[bakinbiscuits]

I don't want to give away who I am in this situation so trying to be neutral.

Katie and John split up 2 years ago. 3 children who live primarily with Katie. John has regular contact, every other weekend and a Wednesday evening. Contact isn't set it stone so sometimes he has them more if work/plans allow. John has a girlfriend, Sarah, who he's been with for a year.

Katie's boiler has broken and John is a Plummer. Katie asked John if he would come fix the boiler as there is no hot water. John initially said yes but then changed his mind and he and sarah both think it's Katie's responsibility to fix the boiler herself as it is her house. John and sarah are happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed.

Should John help and fix the boiler or should Katie be getting another Plummer in to fix it.

My ex just spent a fortune fixing something for his business.

So this means I have to advise him for free?

Why?

John’s a knob for not fixing the boiler in the house where his kids primarily live.

Presumably this isn’t the plot of a porno - John can fix the boiler without ending up shagging Katie. There’s no blurring of boundaries by him helping the mother of his kids with something that directly affects them.

@NailsNeedDoing

It's not John's house, why should he fix the boiler?

Because his children live there. Because it will save his children’s mother money that she could spend on his children. Because it’s nice to be nice and help people out when you can. Because then his children won’t have to have baths or showers in a different house to the one they’re going to sleep in that night and can have their normal bedtime routine. Because it would show his stroppy girlfriend that his children take priority over her pathetic jealousy.

Exactly.

Given the OPs update where she says they coparent well I cannot imagine being the kind of person who leaves their kids without hot water while the person I had them with struggles financially.

If she's paying John the going rate John should do it.

Don't rush to have it fixed.
Ask him to collect the children for showers over at his, until such time as it is possible to fix it.

What an absolute waster to not want to do this for his children.

Some men.🙄

Does his older DD live with him OP or is John in the habit of leaving women to parent his children for him and then cant even be fucked to fix a boiler for them?

It's really nasty of John. My husband is a gas engineer, yes it's annoying when people take the piss but these are his children ffs. He knows full well it's not always easy to find a reputable engineer.

Is he willing to to the job with Katie paying full rate?

Katie can’t afford to pay full rate because her car broke.

So she’s wanting it done for free or just for parts?

John should fix the boiler for the childrens sake as it is his line of work.
It would be completely different if Katie was asking him to mow the lawn or change the oil in her car because he is handy.

Yeah John should totally fix the bloody boiler, I don't get why he wouldn't & I definitely don't get why he would listen to Sarah over the comfort of his children!

I can't believe someone could help their children so easily but wont

@Datingandnoideahowto

Katie can’t afford to pay full rate because her car broke.

So she’s wanting it done for free or just for parts?

She’s already said she’ll cover all costs and John won’t be out of pocket

@Datingandnoideahowto, did the thing you helped him with serverly impact on the daily living if your children? Could he not afford it because he does the majority of parenting?

I’ve just re read. She said she would pay for parts.

So his time wouldn’t be paid.

Which is unfair.

@Datingandnoideahowto

I’ve just re read. She said she would pay for parts.

So his time wouldn’t be paid.

Which is unfair.

Fuck off is it unfair look how much time Katie spends looking after the kids compared to him!

All those saying John should fix it, would you do the running repairs to your XH home?

My XH was always more than happy to do DIY at his first (long divorced) wife’s house, despite having no particular abilities. I never criticised this but thought it was unusual.

He is out of pocket if he has to give up other work to do it. If he was employed would you think he should take a days' unpaid leave to do it?

[quote Ponoka7]@Datingandnoideahowto, did the thing you helped him with serverly impact on the daily living if your children? Could he not afford it because he does the majority of parenting?[/quote]
I wouldn’t help him at all ever.

Yes it did. So they stayed with me (as per usual). He could afford it but prioritised other things.

There’s no way I’d help my ex out ever. And the thing is that’s valid. It’s a valid position. They’re split. It’s not his responsibility. At all.

@Datingandnoideahowto
Seriously stop being so black and white about this.

Why should I have to lose money because my ex wants a freebie?

"So his time wouldn’t be paid."

His time would be spent helping improve his children's living conditions.

Absolutely John should fix it. It wouldn't occur to me otherwise tbh

It is black and white.

He’s entitled to say no. Especially in a circumstance where he will be losing money. and when it’s an ex it’s sensible to have strong boundaries.

Katie should get another plumber.

@Intherightplace

Considering he hasnt had to find work to fit around his kids as they live with their mum, yeah, I'd expect him to be able to take a morning off for this.

@Datingandnoideahowto, if your children didn't live with you and you could help during a crisis, you wouldn't? You'd leave your children in the shit?

Of course he should fix it! His children live there!!!