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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is right here?

512 replies

bakinbiscuits · 02/08/2021 10:42

I don't want to give away who I am in this situation so trying to be neutral.

Katie and John split up 2 years ago. 3 children who live primarily with Katie. John has regular contact, every other weekend and a Wednesday evening. Contact isn't set it stone so sometimes he has them more if work/plans allow. John has a girlfriend, Sarah, who he's been with for a year.

Katie's boiler has broken and John is a Plummer. Katie asked John if he would come fix the boiler as there is no hot water. John initially said yes but then changed his mind and he and sarah both think it's Katie's responsibility to fix the boiler herself as it is her house. John and sarah are happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed.

Should John help and fix the boiler or should Katie be getting another Plummer in to fix it.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 02/08/2021 10:51

He should have a look and then see what the parts are and charge mates rates for it (or just the parts)

Kalvinette · 02/08/2021 10:51

@Datingandnoideahowto
That's true. Hopefully OP will give more insight!

citycitycity · 02/08/2021 10:53

Sarah should mind her own business

John should fix it for his children

NailsNeedDoing · 02/08/2021 10:53

If John has the time and ability to fix a problem in the house that his children and their mother live in then he should do it. Otherwise he’s a bit of a twat. Katie should pay for any materials needed.

Cadent · 02/08/2021 10:54

I hope you are Katie. John and Sarah are knobs.

Lavender24 · 02/08/2021 10:54

Of course he should fix the boiler in his children's home. It seems like things are amicable so why wouldn't he?

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 02/08/2021 10:55

John should fix it.

Caffeinemonster · 02/08/2021 10:55

John shouldn’t fix the boiler if he’s a twat. If he’s a decent guy he should fix the boiler. Sarah should keep her nose out of it.

IrishCharm · 02/08/2021 10:55

John should fit the boiler!

Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 10:55

The problem with these threads is that if op is Katie she isn't going to say

'Well, I call home round 3 or 4 times a month to do work on the house. I don't see why I should have to do any of it'

Or

'Everytime me an John are in the same room it ends up with loads of arguing and he thinks it's a bad idea to cross boundaries anymore'

And if she is Sarah, she isn't going to admit to being insecure or controlling and the Katie is a perfectly lovely person, she just doesn't like him going there.

If op is John, he isn't going to admit its simply because hisbfirlfrirnd said no.

Thehop · 02/08/2021 10:56

My ex husband has done repairs here and we’ve both remarried. His kids live here, so he helped when he could to make it safe for them. As of course he should and I would for him!

If his kids are without hot water and John can sort it he’s selfish not to.

DancesWithTortoises · 02/08/2021 10:56

John's a prick. Get a decent plumber, Katie, and be sure to tell all your friends he wouldn't help.

Marmitemarinaded · 02/08/2021 10:57

There’s no “should” about it.

He is being very unpleasant

But he’s not obliged to do this at all.

You are responsible for the upkeep of yours and your children’s home.

I would also ask my ex in your situation. If he said no, I’d think “twat” and then call a plumber

HoppingPavlova · 02/08/2021 10:57

If Katie was calling John to do this and that in the way of odd jobs and he said no, I would understand completely. However, it’s a boiler. And he is a plumber. And the kids father. It’s a dick move on his part not to just get in, fix it and get out. Katie should however pay for any parts that may be required or obviously a new boiler if required.

loopyapp · 02/08/2021 10:58

I cannot imagine how sad it must be to raise kids with someone who would refuse to help where and when they could.

MangoBiscuit · 02/08/2021 10:58

It's Katie's responsibility to get it fixed.

That said, assuming there is no back story and Katie and John have an amicable co-parenting relationship, I would think John was a bit of a dick for not helping if he could. Pretty big assumption without evidence though.

Intherightplace · 02/08/2021 10:58

I think John should do it, becuase it benefits his children, but he shouldn't give up paid work to do it and Katie should cover the cost of parts. I.e. Katie will have to live with the fact that he'll do it in an evening or weekend when his booked work allows.

sprinkleyumnut · 02/08/2021 10:59

If he can fix it, then it would be kind of him to do so. However even if his children he technically doesn't have to. It really is down to Sarah to get it fixed and all she can do is ask John but saying no is still in his rights even if they are his children it's Sarah's house and responsibility.

Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 10:59

There's also a distinct possibility John can't do anything anyway.

Op says he is a plumber. Doesn't mean he can faff with the boiler. If the problem is actually the boiler and he isn't gas safe registered, it could cause issues if he messes it up.

RitaFires · 02/08/2021 10:59

This is all a bit weird, if John is trained and certified to fix the boiler I think he should and Katie should offer him some kind of money towards it. I get the new partner wanting there to be a boundary about work done to what is no longer his house but that would be more reasonable about general DIY, not his professional area.

If I were Katie I'd find another plumber and get it fixed and if happy with the work would be giving online reviews and recommendations and if anyone asked mention that John had said he'd do it and then backed out so this new plumber was a lifesaver.

sprinkleyumnut · 02/08/2021 11:00

Sorry I meant Katie not Sarah

Datsandcogs · 02/08/2021 11:00

Sarah’s opinion is irrelevant.

I think John should prioritise fixing the boiler. Katie should expect to pay. If John is kind then payment will be mates rates or less.

Intherightplace · 02/08/2021 11:00

@Cadent

I hope you are Katie. John and Sarah are knobs.
OP is almost certainly Katie. The story would be told differently if she wasn't Grin
annacondom · 02/08/2021 11:01

You are Sarah, because you've given yourself a lower-case s to fade into the background (sarah), and also you spell plumber incorrectly. What are you afraid of? The sooner the boiler us fixed, the sooner you stop having the kids bathing at yours.

Skyeheather · 02/08/2021 11:01

Of course John should fix the boiler in his children's house (assuming he's qualified). Why would Katie pay full rates to have someone else fix it when John can fix it for the cost of parts/mates rates. This is the advantage of having friends/relatives in a trade.

Would John fix the boiler if it was one of his friends or relatives in this situation? Of course he would, his children are his immediate relatives.

He's not fixing the boiler foe his ex, he'll be fixing it so his kids can have hot water for a bath etc.

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