To want my friends to show more of an interest in my baby?

(217 Posts)
coffeeinapinkmug Sun 20-Jun-21 06:59:11

I’m probably going to be flamed a bit here grin

I am 40. Most of my friends had children in the 33-37 age bracket so the youngest are now 3/4ish.

The thing is this. I’ve bought presents and cards and made a fuss and liked photos on Facebook. Now it’s my turn and nothing.

I know it’s a bit petty but it does make me sad.

AIBU to think they should perhaps feign interest, given I did for them?

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Bluntness100 Sun 20-Jun-21 07:04:02

Have any of them congratulated you? Have you seen any of them since giving birth? How old is your baby?

User135792468 Sun 20-Jun-21 07:05:28

I’m not surprised you feel sad. Your friends are crap for not taking the time to make a fuss also. How old is your baby?

MiddleParking Sun 20-Jun-21 07:07:36

Yeah, I agree. I’m really conscious of who’s bought me baby presents, visited etc and look out for opportunities to return the gesture for whatever occasion. It’s not a lot to ask to pop round with a little gift. Being a new mum is a hard slog and the nice bits make it more bearable.

Congratulations on your lovely baby!

coffeeinapinkmug Sun 20-Jun-21 07:08:47

Six months, so obviously lockdown happened so that’s impacted some stuff. I did get congratulations when he was born, it’s since then really.

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Breakfastburrito Sun 20-Jun-21 07:10:33

I think it’s completely understandable that you feel that way. Maybe they are just overwhelmed with everything at the moment and it’s not personal. I have a nearly 5 year old and the last year and a half has been really draining and not left me with as much energy for friends. I’m sorry though, and it’s rubbish for you. Congratulations on your lovely baby

PotteringAlong Sun 20-Jun-21 07:11:24

So they did give you cards / presents / make a fuss when they were born, but not enough of a fuss in the 5 months since? Yes, YABU

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KatherineOfGaunt Sun 20-Jun-21 07:13:46

Have you not received any card or gifts at all from any of them? That's not very nice of them and they should be making more of an effort. YWNBU to be hurt about this.

If you received initial cards/ presents after birth, but now the Facebook likes and things are tailing off, I'd not worry about it. People are just busy. None of my close friends, with children or child-free, have met my DC and they're 3. I just haven't been able to convince any of them to come and visit. Which hurts, but I just need to remember that life is busy and that I know they care.

coffeeinapinkmug Sun 20-Jun-21 07:14:01

I have more than one friend pottering.

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coffeeinapinkmug Sun 20-Jun-21 07:15:30

Some did send cards, not everybody. But to be honest it isn’t gifts I want, just a little more interest in my life. I suppose it feels a bit like I did for them, although that was sometimes painful as I wanted my own child, but put those feelings aside. Now it isn’t being reciprocated which does sting a bit.

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Terrazzo Sun 20-Jun-21 07:16:41

But there hasn’t been any occasions etc at which to receive presents in the last 5 months? If they made a fuss when he was born you need to wait until first birthday and then reasses. It would certainly get my goat too in your position if they had ignored the baby, but if they gave gifts and congrats 5 months ago then YABU and grabby.

LadyGAgain Sun 20-Jun-21 07:21:53

The harsh reality is that they are dealing with things with their own kids. I was the last one to have my first in our group and I felt the same as you. And then as mine got older and other friends had theirs I realised that I didn't give their newborns/their life the same I put I had given my group when I was childless. It's normal. It's not that they don't care. They don't have the bandwidth.

Aprilx Sun 20-Jun-21 07:21:56

I initially thought your friends were very mean and I also struggle don’t understand as I always enjoyed buying cards and gifts for a new baby arrival.

But with your updates, no YABU, you did get acknowledgment upon giving birth and I don’t really understand what you are expecting people to have been doing for the full five months since.

FunMcCool Sun 20-Jun-21 07:22:09

I yanbu because I thought you meant they didn’t send cards etc. What interest do you want them to show? I find it very hard to be interested in kids that aren’t my own/family. I ask after them but that’s about my
Level of interest. What else do you want from them?

coffeeinapinkmug Sun 20-Jun-21 07:22:45

It really isn’t about wanting presents, that’s not really what I’m meaning.

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Mrbob Sun 20-Jun-21 07:23:38

I think its hard. I now have 10 nieces/nephews and I am very aware that the family is probably significantly less overtly interested in the youngest ones. By that I mean there are less photos, gushing excitement, lavish presents and enthusiasm over minor events than the first ones got.
It must be a bit shit for the parents of the youngest two and I am very aware of it but it is not a reflection of a lack of love for them! YANBU at ALL but unfortunately I think it is a side effect of everyone having "been there done that" a bit.
Maybe the secret is to find other new friends with no babies or with equally tiny ones!

coffeeinapinkmug Sun 20-Jun-21 07:24:26

Thinking back to when my friends had their DCs, I liked their photos and commented on them on social media. OK, it’s a bit wanky but it does hurt they ignore anything I put up.

I asked after them. I also saw them regularly and I get that hasn’t really been possible due to lockdown so a bit different but now it’s easing off a bit.

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MichelleScarn Sun 20-Jun-21 07:27:06

Do you know whats going on in their lives at the moment? I have a 4yo and am absolutely broken at the moment with lockdown, nursery being open/shut/open, trying to work/deal with the behaviour from all of this. I would honestly think its not because they don't care, they're just exhausted and overwhelmed.

coffeeinapinkmug Sun 20-Jun-21 07:28:25

Well. Yes. I do show an interest!

Obviously lockdown has created that gulf which is just a shame really but I do feel a bit ignored!

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Bluntness100 Sun 20-Jun-21 07:29:01

This is a bit odd op, so you got congrats etc ans some cards when your child was born but you want more? And are focused on social media likes?

Pinchoftums Sun 20-Jun-21 07:32:20

I feel for you but do think a HUGE element of this is unfortunate timing. Pretty much everyone I know is struggling at the mo.lots of my friends and I are post lockdown exhaustion. Unable to manage life properly. I have failed to do presents and cards for family let alone keep up with friends. I would be upset too though.

coffeeinapinkmug Sun 20-Jun-21 07:33:12

I have more than one friend.

I had a baby six months ago. Some sent cards. Some did not. One gave me a card four months later which was better late than never I guess!

Since then I haven’t had his existence acknowledged in any way.

That is quite sad, for me.

That isn’t ‘odd’ bluntness. It may or may not be unreasonable but do not call me ‘odd.’

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coffeeinapinkmug Sun 20-Jun-21 07:33:36

Yes I know pinch it is a shame … it can’t be helped I know.

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Southwestrunningmum Sun 20-Jun-21 07:35:07

Ahhh it’s just people being busy, the schedule of my two now their at school is brutal. Having a 6 month old can be quite isolating and a time when you need friends. I would look to baby groups and people with equivalent aged children. Doesn’t mean drop your friends just recognition that your at different points

wouldthatbeworse Sun 20-Jun-21 07:36:14

YANBU I think when people have got past the babies phase they can be a bit done with other people’s too. But they should make an effort for your sake. And id feel the same if I were you. Good emotions rarely come from social media . Have you considered taking a break from it?

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