To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

(1000 Posts)
Dandylioness1 Fri 28-May-21 21:19:28

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.


Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone blush) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

OP’s posts: |
RestingPandaFace Fri 28-May-21 21:20:31

Absolute cowbag!

ShesComeUndone Fri 28-May-21 21:21:12

Wow! She is not a good friend.

absolutehush Fri 28-May-21 21:21:35

You need new friends

Mydogmylife Fri 28-May-21 21:21:43

Your 'friend' is a total bitch

FizzyPink Fri 28-May-21 21:21:44

Wow. That is not a friend you need in your life. I’m sorry OP but she is utterly self- absorbed

Seriouslymole Fri 28-May-21 21:22:33

How unbearably superficial of her. I would imagine you’re 100percent right, although only she can tell you for certain. I honestly would not feel able to be friends with someone so unutterably vain. I’m sorry, I imagine it feels horrible. Try not to let it, you deserve better people in your life.


Cheesypea Fri 28-May-21 21:22:35

I'd be minimising my contact with her from now on for starters.

Feelingpoorlysick Fri 28-May-21 21:22:49

Wow. She wouldn't be my friend any longer and I definitely wouldn't be going to the wedding!

Hsjdb7483939 Fri 28-May-21 21:22:50

She is not a friend! Who on earth prioritises the dress they want their bridesmaids to wear above having actual close friends as bridesmaids!

TheLightSideOfTheMoon Fri 28-May-21 21:22:59

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self concious.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

WhiskyIrnBru Fri 28-May-21 21:23:18


Op, that is absolutely brutal. What a horrible person she is.

You don't need someone that superficial in your life.

CornforthWhite Fri 28-May-21 21:23:24

Yikes. She’s not a good person OP. That’s just not normal. Be breezy in your reply to her but step away, no run away as fast as you possibly can.

CoffeeCakey Fri 28-May-21 21:23:36

Wow. She has placed more importanance on the dresses than the people. What a nasty person. I'm so sorry OP. Most people choose the bridesmaid and then find a dress bridesmaid would be happy in.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon Fri 28-May-21 21:23:45

Although, that said, my bestie could wear whatever.

I’d just be happy she was there.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity Fri 28-May-21 21:24:13

Oh, what a bunch of self centred crap dressed up as "I'm caring for yoooooour feelings".

At least she's made herself perfectly clear. You're not a person to her, you're an accessory found wanting for your ability to wear the "dress she has set her heart on", because what's really important in a bridal party is not who you love but how they look in the dress.

Also a hearty <vom> to that "introducing Team Bride" stuff. Jesus but social media encourages some incredible self centred vapidity.

CoffeeCakey Fri 28-May-21 21:24:18


She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self concious.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

Sounds like she wants models for dresses rather than bridesmaids.

MyGrassIsBrowner Fri 28-May-21 21:24:22

My jaw hit the floor reading that message. What an absolute cow. She's no friend. I'd tell her to shove her wedding and shitty dresses where the sun don't shine.

Pepsee Fri 28-May-21 21:24:31

Ex friend I hope you mean! You don’t need that shit OP flowers

MouseInCatsClaws Fri 28-May-21 21:24:50

I agree with your interpretation of it. She is trying to be kind but there's no getting around the fact that she thinks your body shape won't suit her wedding image. I would be very hurt by that. To me, her priorities are all wrong. I would choose the dress to suit the bridesmaid, not the bridesmaid to suit the dress.

CooperLooper Fri 28-May-21 21:24:50

She is categorically not your friend.

She is prioritising a bridesmaid dress over a friend. A fucking bridesmaid dress!

Cut that shitbag out of your life, bye bitch.

Sparklesocks Fri 28-May-21 21:24:52

She’s no friend. Weddings are meant to be about sharing the day with your closest friends and family, not how the dresses!

Deedoubleyou Fri 28-May-21 21:25:06

Wow. A specific style of bridesmaid dress is more important than the person in the dress? Could she be more vain and shallow? angry

Ladypuggerz Fri 28-May-21 21:25:09

Ditch the bitch.

Yamaya Fri 28-May-21 21:25:29

Ughh that is horrible and she has tried to spin it like she has your best interests at heart. What a bitch

This thread is not accepting new messages.